Submitted by Delaine Moore
A child psychologist told her that one of the best skills she could teach her kids to help them adjust to her ex’s and her different parenting styles was the ‘Teflon Suit” technique. It involved her explaining what teflon is and how it enabled all food to just ‘slide off ” pots and pans. This same ‘slide off’ analogy applied to the tefllon suits her kids then imagined putting on; for any kinds of mean words or actions were to simply ‘slide off of them’ should they encounter them.
She found herself using this technique on herself this past weekend when talking to her ex. But instead of just envisioning herself wrapped in teflon, she literally slid the phone away from her ear when she heard mean remarks; she was energetically ‘pushing them away’ so that they couldn’t penetrate her.
But they still did – not deeply, but yes…they still stung.
Why does her ex continually have to say aloud how badly he wants her gone from his life? Why does he have to say it with such loathing, as if she’s the most disgusting creature on Earth? I mean, she doesn’t want to be dealing with their divorce issues either. Nor does she jump with joy when she communicates with him. But she puts it aside and remain not just civilized, but pleasant. She also makes a HUGE effort NOT to drop cutting remarks “just cause she can.”
The bottom line is they share four beautiful children together. And they’re always going to have one issue or another to deal with, to team up for, as parents. Shouldn’t that big picture realization supersede any momentary need to cut the other person up? And shouldn’t the fact that she’s the mother of his children merit some degree of respect and self-control?
She has heard stories about how awful some exes treated each other – the degree of their nastiness is truly frightening. But she’s NOT one of those exes. She’s not someone to hold onto anger and grudges and get a kick out of hurting the other. Heck, she doesn’t receive one iota of satisfaction in saying something nasty about her ex. If anything, she thinks those comments just keep her stuck in the past and perpetuate the negativity. She just wants to learn from the past, accept the lessons her marriage taught her, and move forward with her new life. And she wants him to be happy too. He has a new girlfriend, a new home, and a new life of his own. “Good for him,” she thinks to herself. She’s let go…
So why is it she’s the one being treated like the lowest form of slime on earth? Why is it she’s the one teaching her kids about teflon suits? And why is she the one in need of wearing one too?