Submitted by Delaine Moore
I’ve noticed a new tendency emerging in how I deal with men I date. And before I proceed, let me reiterate that I tell every man I date, straight out, that I’m NOT looking for serious; I’m NOT READY.
So what happens is that when I’m having a conversation with a man and I perceive ‘neediness’ on his part – ie: that he needs someone to ‘take care of him’ in some aspect of his life, I literally see black in my mind’s eye. My bloodstream goes to ice and I get all fidgety. I have NO interest in going there.
I feel like I’ve spent the past eight years taking care of everyone else but me. And as unspiritual and self-pitying as this may sound, look where it got me: I’m now a single stay-at-home mom of three full-time starting over. For the first time in my life, I want to make my life about ME (and my kids of course). Me, me ,me, me, me! Though this may sound cold, I really only see men as serving two purposes in my life: a bit of entertainment – and sex. AGAIN, I’m honest with men from the get-go as to where I’m at.
The enormity of my physical and emotional reaction to men’s neediness really shocks me. I mean, I know some of these guys are really good guys who, at the core, are looking for someone to love. My reaction, I fear, is more a statement to myself as to what I think about relationships right now: they are draining, exhausting, and a sure-way to lose my sense of Self.
My fear is that this feeling will never go away. I keep telling myself that recovering from divorce and infidelity is a process, one that requires time, and thank God I’m giving myself time to find myself instead of throwing myself (hiding) in another relationship.
But I wonder if this is, in fact, a phase or if it’s my new way of seeing men. I think it’s a phase only. I mean, last year at this time, I was running around with my heart on my sleeve trying desperately to fall in love and replace my ex. But The One never appeared and time has moved me forward into this new place of Being. I’m here for a reason, right? Is anyone else here? Should I feel guilty or fearful about it?