Did he just stare at the waitress’ butt?
May 19, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Dating & Sex, Figuring Out Men, NoMore, Online Dating
Submitted by Delaine Moore
When I’m out on a first date with a man, I pay attention to how he treats the server. I notice:
Is he friendly?
- Does he use good manners?
- And, if the server is grumpy, how does he deal with it?
I do this to assess how respectful he is of different people, and to gage what he’d be like in other social settings.
But when I watch my date interacting with a female server, I’m also looking for ‘other things’:
- Does he joke around too much with her?
- Does his face light up too much when she comes back to the table?
- Does he look at her chest?
- Does he look at her butt as she walks away?
Now I’ve been on a few dates where this has happened. I remember one time I made excuses for him. After all, her shirt was really low cut and ‘the girls’ were hard to miss.
But if the tables were turned, and some really hunky male server was smiling at me from tableside, I would never allow my eyes to linger on his broad chest…or his mesmerizing smile…or downwards towards his package.
I know that men are visual creatures. But when a man is on a date with ME, it’s like, “Get some self-control buddy. I’m sure you’ve seen boobs before!”
I’ve heard it said that men who cheat are the kind, when they’re out with their buddies, who will give extra attention to a pretty waitress. They will go beyond flirting in that, when she walks away from the table, he’ll continue making comments aloud to his buddies about her.
I don’t want be uptight and overly-judgmental with men. But I also don’t want to make excuses for men’s ‘visual natures.” How obvious is the line suppose to be?
Delaine
bottom line it is all about respect.
I think so too, Kim, but I wonder how many men might read this blog and just laugh, thinking, “Well, we can’t help ourselves – we’re hot blooded males!”
I’ve never been bothered by a man’s wandering eyes. I’m a visual creature also and when I see a man I find attractive I’m going to look.
There is a fine line though. It should be a quick look and then back to all attention on my date.
Some people have no self-control though and lose sight of the fact that they may be on a date with a real gem…someone worth getting to know. Which isn’t going to happen if they spend too much time ogling everyone except the one they are with.
I am always polite to servers…male or female, but I will say that the way many restaurants have their female staff dress…it is hard not to check them out a bit. I don’t gawk, but I will take a gander at a nice ass.
I am very happily involved and have no need to flirt or anything, but at the same time…if a woman looks good…take a look.
True, some waitresses do wear very eye-catching attire.
But when you’re on a FIRST date and your date gawks, I still think it’s classless. And insulting.
If I was regularly going out with a guy, then it might be different – heck, I might even make a comment about how attractive she is or tease him a bit if his eyes follow her.
But first dates leave first impressions. Gawk = BAD!