Internet Dating:Can talking a lot via phone or IM wreck the in-person meeting?

A friend of mine recently asked me this question, and I’m curious as to what you think: If you talk to a prospective date a lot by phone or IM, can it spoil the in-person meeting?

But I won’t talk to a man for hours/days before meeting him.  Why?  Cause I’ve found it consistently raises false expectations of who he is, and how we might click. 

When I talk to a man on Instant Messenger, I begin ‘filling him in’ – that is, I construct a mental and emotional sketch of who I hope him to be. The more we chat, the more elaborate that sketch becomes.

Same when I hear his voice on the phone.  Though it’s a more personal medium, the phone makes my ‘fill in’ process go wild.  I imagine him talking to me in person; how he carries himself, how he looks at me, the energy he has about him. 

The flesh and blood meeting is then set up for a reality jolt.  That mesmerizing deep voice, those beautifully constructed sentences, came from someone I have no chemistry with in person. 

When I initially meet a man in person, I can usually decide within the first five to ten minutes if I’m interested.  So why waste excessive valuable time chatting beforehand?  Sure, he might make a great ‘friend’ – but as a single, working mom of three, I have trouble making time for my best friends.  I’m simply not willing to sacrifice this precious resource for every online date.

Delaine

 www.iamdivorcednotdead.com    

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