My Kids Witness Broken Families – And it’s a Positive Thing
June 9, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Children & Divorce, Evolution, NoMore, Society & The Divorcee
Submitted by Delaine
When I was a child, I remember hearing whispers about so-and-so’s parents getting divorced. All I could think was ‘Oh my God, my friend’s life is over’. For to be a child of divorce was marked with fear and shame.
Fast forward to the present and how my young children perceive divorce: every second or third friend of theirs comes from a broken family. And my kids casually refer to “Dillon spending the weekend with his dad” or “Oh, it’s Emily’s mom’s turn this week,” as if it’s a normal part of life.
I’m not saying divorce isn’t a big deal to the kids going through it. But isn’t it wonderful that their social groups don’t treat them, or think of them, as lepers if they’re from broken families?
I like how my kids are exposed to broken or unconventional families on children’s TV shows, too. My children regularly watch Drake and Josh, which depicts a blended family, and I-Carly, which depicts absent parents, an involved grandpa and a single mom. I regularly watch these shows with my kids – I like being there to field my kids’ questions and discuss issues these programs address. I like that my kids’ have healthy young role models that don’t come from the perfect nuclear family. I like that this generation of kids are learning to address the challenges of divorce/life/relationships, instead of bowing down in shame for something they can’t control.
Exposure goes a long way, don’t you think? We were so fearful and ignorant back in the eighties…
Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
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Just yesterday my four year old was counting up the friends she knew who had “two homes”. While it makes me sad on the one hand that there are are all these divorced families around us, I’m selfishly glad that we’re not the only ones, and that it’s actually somewhat “normal” for my kids.
Ugh. I wish life were simpler…
My parents split up when I was ten (back in the eighties) and I remember the horror and shame of it at school. I lived in a small town so it didn’t take long for everyone to know. And I remember the whispers and the looks from other kids and how much that hurt – they were just one more thing for me to deal with during an already incredibly painful time of my life.
SO yeah – thank God kids today don’t have that same obstacle, or least not in the way we did back then. Ignorance, fear and stupidity are definitely learned.
Attitudes have changed and quickly. It was only ten years ago that I divorced and my children new very few other children in their situation.
I also wish that life were simpler. And, that divorce was not so common place. It is good that children aren’t having to suffer alone, that they do have a “support sytem” their on age.
It makes me wonder though what their attitudes toward marriage will be in 10 or 15 years.
I think it is just way more common these days. our house is beyond broken…but as long as we talk to the kids and they are happy…it does not have to be a bad thing. They learn from it and become stronger.
Great post.
Of course divorce isn’t something we wish for or dream of, especially for our children. But it can be a great teaching tool too – for letting go, for adapting, for understanding the cycle of birth and death…
Not that I have it all figured out, cause I don’t. It’s just amazing to me that when the mass consciouness shifts, positive change on the whole can happen. Like Cathy said, I wonder what kids will think of divorce 10 years from now. I wonder what they’ll think of a LOT of things – they’re growing up in a revolutionary time…
Love topic at hand i’m too from a broken family and now am a single parent of a one year old. I was wondering if u ladies could help with me and see the postive aspects of being a single parent. My friend told me just because your from a broken family doesn’t mean your a broken person. anyone agree ?
I completely agree with your friend. We all define who we are. If we live our lives with integrity and meet responsibility head on there is nothing broken about us.
As for the positive aspects of single parenting, well I can’t think of any right off the top of my head. It is hard work, work better shared but it is not impossible to do it alone. If you love yourself and your child you both will be fine.