The Man of My Dreams Will Lie in Bed With Me & Discuss a Good Book
June 18, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Love & Intimacy, NoMore, Relationships
I’ve always wanted to lie in bed beside the man I love and discuss a good book. To me, the mere idea of it feels romantic. Intimate. Even exciting.
No man I’ve cared for thus far, including my ex-husband, was into reading books. Sure, they’d pour over a newspaper or the odd dirt bike or hunting magazine. But when it came down to reading an actual book – fiction or a non-fiction – it was shrugged off as ‘uninteresting’ or ‘unmanly.’
It’s not that I didn’t try – sometimes I practically pleaded with them to read. But I’d hear:
“Ohhhh, but it’s so big.”
Or: “Just sum it up for me real quick.”
Or: “Are there sex scenes? Naked pictures? Does someone get killed?”
So I’d resort to placing it obviously on their nightstands. Unmistakable. A flashing reminder: READ ME!
Yet there they always remained. Untouched. Unopened. Collecting dust.
So I gave up and accepted. I told myself, “Lots of men don’t like to read. It’s a personal choice, Amelia.”
But you know what?
It always kinda hurt.
And now…now, as I think about what qualities I want in my next partner, that romantic, long-ago vision returns. It’s not that I’m expecting an English professor – it’s just that I’ve learnt quite enough about dirt bikes, hunting and fishing.
I want the sharing, the communication, the stimulation of a like-spirited partner – on all levels. I want connection, attentive ears, thoughtful responses, maybe even a good debate. I want to watch him scour the pages as he ventures to the same place I eagerly roamed.
Yeah…
I want a partner who will lie in bed and discuss a good book.
Delaine
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Some of my fondest memories of my marriage is laying in bed discussing books we had read.
We would swap books back and forth and have long conversations about what we had read. It was like having a lit class in my own bed!
I used to piss him off though because I was always good at guessing the ending or figuring out who the villainn was.
If I meet someone new the first thing I ask is…”do you read?” If they aren’t a reader I’m not interested in dating them.
I love laying between the sheets discussing what we found between the pages of a good book.
Even if you don’t enjoy reading the same genres, it translates into shared time and intimacy. It’s also about respecting the other person enough to listen to his/her thoughts and ideas. Reading is a metaphor for the connection you want to feel… and I think it’s wonderful you now know that.
I agree 100% with Shannon and would love to have that myself. My STBX read the newspaper but I don’t think in the 20+ years we were together I ever saw him read a book.
I’m with you. And both you and Shannon articulated it much better than I could.
My ex is also not a reader, except for the newspaper and Golf Week. However I have since had a relationship with a man that actually began over books. What a difference! As I think back on it, I realized that comments about intimacy and connection were spot on, at least for me. Its about your partner being interested in the things that make you happy, as well. About wanting to know all about you. Or you wanting to know about them.
Oddly, I thought about this earlier today, and this post help pull together for me that this is one of those non-negotiables that I need in a partner. He doesn’t need to love all of the books that I love; he just needs to be willing and curious.
Thanks for this post, Delaine. You helped me with a light bulb moment today.
I’d think that picking a guy that could and did read would be fairly easy, I mean in 10 minutes in his space you should be able to tell.
Though the bride reads stuff I’d never read and I her, you will still find a night stand full of books on my side of the bed.
No hating on hunting magazines either!
You will know you have found “him” when you can do this easily with whoever it is.
Lots of men love to read. You just aren’t finding them.
As for discussing books in bed? Um… I’d rather discuss books at the dinner table. Bed is for other things…