Dating Someone Who Lives Out of Town – Is It Worth It?
June 4, 2009 by Delaine
Filed under Dating & Sex, From The Dating Trenches, delainemoore
Submitted by Delaine
Since divorcing, I’ve dated a few out-of-town men. These men were whirlwind romances that I KNEW would go
nowhere – our geographical distance was too great. Nonetheless, these relationships were exactly what I needed at that time to help me find my True North again.
Recently, however, I’ve noted a shift occurring in what I want – I’m actually closer to wanting a REAL relationship. The mere idea of that scares the heck out of me in many ways…yet there’s no denying, I’m opening to the idea.
Enter stage left – a man who lives out of town – maybe three hours drive away. We’ve gone out on a couple of dates now. And though I’m not throwing myself into him, I do quite like him. And for the first time ever I’m wondering, “IF this were to go anywhere, wouldn’t the long-distance logistics be a total upstream battle?”
Cause he has a great job and life in his city. I wouldn’t ever want to move there. My kids have been through enough upset since the divorce – relocation is not what they need. So why invite the chaos and potential despair in my life by continuing to date him?
Oh, I know I’m very pragmatic. I also know I’m reading too much into a relationship that hasn’t even gotten off the ground. But I don’t want to live in an idealistic bubble; I don’t believe in fairytales anymore, nor in the great sacrifices people make in the name of Love.
So I’m putting it out there to you: Do you think out-of-town relationships are doomed from the start? Especially when one person – or both people – have children?
I honestly just don’t know…
Delaine
Other Articles:
The Fake Smiles We Give Our Kids: Are We Fooling Them?
I Write to Find My Power, NOT to Hurt My Ex
Delaine, I KNOW it’s possible for long distance relationships to work because I had one for two years and he is now my husband. It may take a bit more work and a bit more patience than other relationships, but they are well worth it. Don’t rule it out before you give it a go!
We’ll see, mine seems to have been put on the back burner for reasons that I don’t fully understand. I’m not writing it off, but don’t know even what the short term future may hold…if anything. Interested in others opinions/comments here.
Stop letting your head lead the way. This is a situation where I believe you should allow your heart to lead.
Live in the moment Delaine. Enjoy this new relationship and see where it goes.
If you find someone either now or in the future who loves you and your children you may be surprised what all of you are willing to sacrifice “in the name of love.”
OK, time for that making 2 columns thing. What do you have to gain? What do you have to lose? I hate to be a stick in the mud but you have to consider some significant issues in long distance relationships–there can be a heap of frustration, not enough time to be together, difficulty communicating, and then difficulty finding solutions to difficulty. They are hard as heck to navigate– not to say that some don’t turn out to be amazing. Is he amazing???
You lucked out with three hours. My guy lives 4.5 hours away. It just makes the discovery process longer and more drawn out. I think it also has protected me from jumping into something I am not ready for. So it has its advantages as well.
I think part of the issue is that I was married to a man who worked out of town a lot – like 75% of the time. And when I envision my next relationship, I see a regular family set up where we are a part of each other’s daily lives. Not that that guarantees happiness, I just want simple…if such a thing is possible. So the complications of long distance set off my triggers. Including fidelity triggers.
Hey, I’m in a very similar situation right now with CBG – we are 3 hours apart with no hope of either one of us relocating any time soon.
It’s hard, and I know that it will continue to be hard – but the way I see it is this — it’s worth it. The heartache of losing him completely is way worse than the heartache of being apart a great deal of the time.
Of course, that’s me and how i’m feeling about my own situation…this is something that only you can decide if it’s right for you….
That ‘longing’ for a man – I’m wary of it. And in a way, I’m tired of it AND I don’t trust it – cause spending every other weekend with someone added up over a year barely puts a dent on the calender compared to a couple who can be part of each other’s daily lives.
This man I’m dating actually read this blog – he says he wants to talk about this issue with me. Aiyaya – the problem with having a blog! We’ll see what happens…
LOL@Delaine about your last comment!
Well the way I see it it could work but it really depends on the two of you and if this is what you guys really want.
My current partner lived about an hour and a bits drive from me. It was exciting to pack up for the weekend because then we would spend the whole weekend together as we didnt really see one another during the week. However the driving does take a toll on you. He had kids as well and obviously his house was bigger then mine so it made sense that me and my daughter would spend our weekends there.
The distance did make things a bit more difficult sometimes……however to me it was a worthwhile investment becuase we both took our relationship seriously. The other downer was come Sunday night it was totally unbearable to know that I would only see him in about 5 days…….in the end we moved in together.
Like I said it really depends where you would like to take this and if he wants to talk about it then it could indicate that he too has been giving it some thought