Comments on: Friends & Frenemies…Can You Set Boundaries?

By: Cathy

Cathy — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 16:02:18 +0000

And, the trick is to learn how to not give that right of approval to anyone.

By: Barry

Barry — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:08:53 +0000

I honestly believe many times it is not about you or even your friends. Friends just don’t know how to handle the divorce. Who should I be friends with, what do I say to her etc. I lost friends not because they did’t care for me anymore, but I did’t fit into their life structure. To be honest, I did’t feel as comfortable in theirs either. Couples in general I found naturally “pick a side”. Often this falls by gender. As we all discover, it is most important to keep only the people in our lives that infuse positive energy. No time to bother with the others. Early on in my divorce, I had someone go to my brother and ask why I was not as open and a little distant because his wife was very close to my ex. My brothers response which I think is true was , He is just circling his wagons right now. Meaning, that circle of trust narrows.
A great quote which I think also pertains to this situation of not letting others hurt you is:
” When you give the right of approval of your dream to any person or group, you’ve given them the right to control your dream.”
Same applies here.

By: Cathy

Cathy — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 15:25:33 +0000

CJ, I agree it can be fear and in some cases it can be that people aren’t able to empathize with others. Understanding and having compassion isn’t a part of their make-up.
I’ve spent the last few months “shutting the door” on some relationships in my life. I want people who, regardless of how afraid they are can step outside their level of comfort and support me when I need it.
I’ve always been able to do that for people I care about and have come to the realization that I deserve the same in return.
I had one friend ask if I were angry with her. I wasn’t but I was angry with myself for continually expecting her to give me something she didn’t have to give.
The bottom line for me is I no longer care what their reasons are for not being able to reach out and support me when I need it. I care about surrounding myself with people who, like me are available to a friend in need.

By: CJ

CJ — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 14:33:47 +0000

A theory floating around my head for a while now is that perhaps the reason they bailed on me was fear. Maybe something about my situation hit just a little too close to home for comfort. Perhaps they are running, not from me, but from themselves….