Is it Wrong to Slam Deadbeat Dads on TV?
July 2, 2009 by Amelia
Filed under Family, Parenting, Single Dads, Society & The Divorcee, delainemoore
Submitted by Delaine
What do you think of the idea of a reality show that exposes fathers who refuse to pay child support?
This is what divorced dad and author Joel Schwartzberg recently opined on in his article, “Is it Wrong to Slam Deadbeat Dads on TV?” Cause apparently Lifetime TV has announced their intention to air such a show – it’s called Deadbeat Dads. And it has ‘dads’ rights’ activists in a tizzy.
Fathers & Families, a dad-advocacy group, says the problem is that a strong majority of divorced dads with shared custody pay child support regularly, so such a program paints an unrealistic and demeaning stereotype of divorced fathers.
An editorial in The Washington Times calls Deadbeat Dads a cheap shot that ignores “the damage the show can
cause children, wives and other family members.” It also cites a study finding that 77 percent of non-custodial fathers are not able to spend court-ordered time with their children as a result of “visitation interference” by the custodial parent. Comparing apples to Apple Jacks, the piece concludes, “In short, lousy moms outnumber deadbeat dads 3-1.”
As a divorced father, Schwartzberg says he doesn’t feel maligned by a show vilifying deadbeat dads any more than he feels maligned by To Catch a Predator simply because he met an (appropriately-aged) girlfriend online. He writes: “The subliminal association isn’t between “deadbeat dads” and “divorced dads” as much as it is between irresponsible and responsible behavior.”
Schwarberg continues: “If you want to see some really “bad dad” influences, just watch Everybody Loves Raymond or any sitcom featuring a pudgy, buffoonish, sedentary man-childish father with a knockout wife. Better yet, let’s boycott the majority of Father’s Day cards that emphasize our laziness, our inattentiveness, our proximity to senility, and our love of all things nautical.”
Myself, coming at this issue through the eyes of a divorced mom of three, I think such a show can have merit – depending on how the ’slamming’ is done. I think a program that reveals the harsh repercussions of dads’ irresponsible behavior is eye-opening and much-needed for both children and adults. I know many men who rise up in every capacity as divorced dads but I also know several deadbeats; I don’t confuse the two groups. And there’s no denying the injustice and devastating effects deadbeats’ have on everyone’s lives. I think this truth needs to be exposed for what it is…though not necessarily ’slammed.’
What do YOU think?
* Joel Schwartzberg is an award-winning essayist and author of “The 40-Year-Old Version: Humoirs of a Divorced Dad“
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The only thing I see wrong with it is that they are not also slamming deadbeat moms.
Reality television is here to stay…it would seem. If we are going to do reality shows on such subjects there should be an attempt to be play fair.
Doing a show about deadbeat dads only plays into the misconception that women would never leave their children high and dry.
Research has proven that mothers are also capable of being deadbeats and I think such moms deserve their 15 minutes of fame also.
First, I agree with Cathy’s comments above.
Second, although it doesn’t represent me, I don’t think any divorced or single dad can be happy with this obvious play for ratings. It will not shed a good light on any single dad and just increases the difficult stereotype, however misguided it is.
I respect and like Joel quite a bit, but I don’t buy the analogy with Catch A Predator.
Just the fact that they would even be in the same sentence makes me a bit queezy.
People love reality TV and this will also draw viewers. Seems Dads are just the favorite butt of anything on TV shows, commercials, or cartoons.
You are right about including single moms. But could you imagine the uproar if this show was exclusively about them. Yikes! It would not be pretty if most commercials demeaned the image of moms either. But, this is the landscape we live in. These are the male role models media chooses to project.
Moms take their lumps in the real world. I guess we dads will have to have the broad shoulders to handle the media.
I think that kind of tv show pertain more to deadbeat parents periodly. However with that being said, it is more commen in South Africa to have dad’s that doesn’t pay maintenance, it’s an enless story. Although many of these single parents do take the fathers up for custody you, can’t really get money out of someone that doesn’t have a job now can you?
I’ll agree and say that there are plenty of deadbeat mom’s around too!
Reality check is this, it’s a shame for any parent be it the mom or the dad to be a deadbeat parent!
Barry, I agree, a child predator and a deadbeat dad have nothing in common and I thought the analogy very inappropriate.
And yes, I can imagine the uproar if this show were about deadbeat mothers. Society holds mothers in very high esteem. So much so that to even hint that a mother is anything but good is a cardinal sin.
My boys watch the Simpson’s where Homer is portrayed as an idiot and a buffoon. Same thing with Family Guy. They love those shows. And many others that show men in a negative light.
I ask my oldest one day if he wasn’t offended by the way men were portrayed on television.
He shrugged his shoulder and said, “that is the way society views us and some women.”
That led to a long discussion! In the end I have to wonder how I would feel about myself if I were bombarded by such negative interpretations of women, the way men are.
I’m not sure I would be able to shrug it off and I know my shoulders would not be broad enough.
Wendy, you are right, you can’t get money out of someone who doesn’t have a job. And therein lies to problem.
There are many reasons some don’t pay child support. I think that the majority who don’t, don’t because they are not able to financially. Not because they are purposefully shrugging their responsibility.
Here in the states our family court system is not set up to provide assistance to a man who has lost his job or fallen on hard times financially.
How does a man who doesn’t have a job or money to provide for his own basic needs pay an attorney to petition the court for a reduction in child support? It is an impossibility!
A man can choose to do it pro se but once he walks into a court without an attorney his chances of being granted a reduction are slim.
Hopefully this show will not only label men as deadbeats but will also include that man’s story.
If that is done maybe those watching will finally realize that some fathers are caught between a rock and hard place and are in the position they are in because it was their only option.
I think any show slamming anyone is low. There is no dignity in slamming, it is simply bad manners. Then again, I love how Homer Simpson is perceived but I think that it only perpetuates the scenario of stupid men. It’s like it allows them to misbehave because good ole Marge is holding the family fort together. Our lives have become a parody of that cartoon.
Like many women I had a deadbeat dad to deal with for more years than I care to count. In the meantime I still had to watch our children go to his place every second weekend and bite my tongue when there was no money. Slamming him to the children was never an option because the children deserved better.
He COULD afford to pay child support, he was just finagling ways to hide his income. In many ways I wished that I could put it out there exactly what his behaviour was but to do that would boomerang back onto our children and then, on to me. I do not live in a Jerry Springer world. I preferred anonymity and the covert actions of our Child Support Agency to unblock the tunnel of hidden funds that they eventually found.
Divorce is ugly in most cases. Having dignity is the biggest lesson that I was forced to learn. I knew that ultimately I had to provide for the children and that I would do it in a way that, in hindsight, I would feel no humiliation or embarrassment. Slamming was not the answer, there is no dignity in slamming. Eventually it was all over and I feel nothing but pride in myself for a job well done. He can’t be feeling the same but no matter how he sees it, I just don’t care.
Are you saying that real life is imitating art…that television shows like the Simptoms are dumbing down men and leaving us women having to keep them in line?
I couldn’t disagree more. I’m sure there are some true life Homer Simpsons in the world but I’ve not met one.
Very few men are morons like Jim of According to Jim, or Raymond of Everybody Loves Raymond, or Tim in Home Improvement.
Television producers have hit on a winning formula…people love laughing at stupid men. Some who laugh at those shows know that men aren’t so stupid in real life.
The problem is, some watch those shows and come away with the idea that all men are stupid…if it weren’t for a good woman where would those men be?
Or maybe some watch and make the decision that all men are stupid because that is the way they need to view about men.
Me, I don’t judge all men by what one man did to me or by how producers choose to depict men to the world via some television show.
How about a show called Hmmm I dont know “Deadbeat Parents” A show about parents that dont pay child support and we arrest and prosecute them all equally. Or feature parents that alienate the other from their childrens life.
It’s too bad the children who are a product of these broken families cant log in and give their input. It amazes me how the argument, especially from the labeled deadbeat, seems to be all about everything but the victim–the child! Life is full of obstacles and we can choose to avoid our responsibilities or overcome the challenge and be accountable. I am a young, hands on father of four and although my marriage is on the break down i cant imagine anyone getting in the way of me keeping a positive relationship with my children. I know i haven’t read one good one in any of the posts. I’m also a victim of deadbeat parents, both of them! I remember the feelings, the disapointments, and the countless sad moments that could of cost me my life. I remember feeling unwanted, neglected, and having low self-esteem as if my parents didnt find me important then who would? the gov’t, my estranged wife, the new husband, my lack of funds, etc would never prevent me from having a good relationship with my child–even if i’m unable to pay and labeled as a deadbeat. I want my children to always know who I am, how important they are to me,and what i’m willing to do so i can give them all they ask for–a hug, good advice, a good example of a man who can be responsible inspite of the countless obstacles. I want them to know that we as humans are defined by the way we cope with disapointments, challenges, and shortcomings.I want them to know that they are more important than me being financially ok as they are my motivation–f@$%* the gov’t or their mother if need be! I have countless friends who have been beat up by the system and life BUT they never neglected the child, even when they were behind on payments or suffering froma job or love loss. The future depends on our youth who are often lost due to our selfish behavior Please check the statistics on how children that grow up in fatherless homes compare to those who have both parents active in their life. If that doesnt move you self labeled deadbeat then we just have to agree to disagree. It is what it is and you have free will.
With all that said, i do agree that the show deadbeats is negative and will merely be entertaining. It will send the wrong message to our children and put all the fathers labeled as deadbeats in the same category–rich or financially secure men who just decide to neglect their children. NOT TRUE. I’m looking forward to addressing all these negative statistics plaguing our society and families with the hopes that I can help some of these men see the detriment of their behavior and stop being so selfish labeling THEMSELVES as the victim, not the innocent chilren
Good post Michael. The only good thing about divorce law is that child support and visitation are two separate issues. No one can stop a man from being in his children’s lives regardless of whether he is able to pay or not.
I think you have very lucky children. Their father understands the importance of his role in their lives. Stay determined and if you do end up getting a divorce fight like hell for 50/50 custody.