Submitted by Delaine
Since divorcing two years ago, I’ve questioned (and doubted) this thing called True Love. I mean, we hear about it, read about, and watch it in the movies. But is there really such a thing a ‘THE One’ for everyone? Or is it something that very few are destined to have?
Sometimes I think there are hundreds, if not thousands, of men on Earth that I could be ‘happy with.’ The way I see it, if you set up a life with someone and have friendship and respect, you would become attached and feel ‘love ‘ for him. Will the ‘Earth move’ and fireworks go off with him/her? Probably not. But over ‘Time,’ maybe the friendship and ‘decency’ factors outweigh the value of sparks and this rumored ‘soul connection.’
What if we were to be more practical when it camesto choosing a partner? What if we based our selection on a list of qualitiese we most like/admire in a man, and then allowed ‘Time’ to take care of the deepening? This list would include his core values (SUPER important), some similar interests/hobbies, and a few physical attributes of importance (ie, he’s fit, bald, thick penis, whatever). NOW – mix that all up and throw it across the table – cause in a way, we ARE gambling here. What are the odds of us sharing a good, fulfilling lifetime with this person?
Now compare that to what most of us do: we seek this ‘True Love’ thing and follow our hearts. We look for that magic, that beauty, that ‘feeling’ like no other. We think we’ve found it. We believe the gods have smiled on us, sent us The One. We get married, maybe have a child or two, and set up all the trimming of the family dream.
But oftentimes,it’s not till we’re five or ten years in that we realize we don’t share the same interests with our spouse. Perhaps our core values are even mismatched. Sex dies. Each person does his/her own thing more often that not. And next thing you know, we’re either drowning in an unhappy marriage, someone’s having an affair or a divorce is underway.
I know I’m being very unromantic. Maybe I’m diminishing the most beautiful of things, True Love, by applying my brain to Heart & Soul Territory. But what person who divorces doesn’t question True Love? Especially when it involved betrayal and her heart being broken?
I DO know couples who have the Real Thing – True Love in all its glory. So I know it’s out there, it IS possible. But again, is it possible for everyone? Or the lucky or destined few? If I’m not to be one of the chosen few who experience it in this life, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, looking for something that isn’t to be mine. Maybe choosing friendship and decency and strong values (and a thick penis *wink) over The Magic truly is the most sensible and fulfilling choice to make.