Simple-minded, piggish men aren’t born that way?

Submitted by Delaine 

I’ve heard it said that most men are ‘simple’ creatures.  They love ‘T’ and ‘A’ and think about women’s orifices many times a day.  They don’t like drama queens or control freaks.  They want women to laugh at their jokes.  And NOTHING, I mean NOTHING brings them greater joy than a great blow job first thing in the morning.

In the recent movie release, The Ugly Truth, actor Gerard Butler plays the role of an obnoxious, rude TV dating coach who tells women the ugly truth about men and relationships.  And for the first part of the movie I despised him: he reminded me of the piggish, unevolved, simple-minded jerks I’ve dated in past. 

But then came the twist - his big ‘reveal.’  He confessed that the reason he acted and thought this way was because he’d been hurt and betrayed so many times by women; it was easier not to care; a way of protecting himself.

Because of Butler’s admission, I’m now scratching my head.  Does this mean that most men in real life that come across as piggish, simple-minded jerks are in self-defense mode?  That it’s not so much a ‘gender’ or biology-based issue as it is one of personal experience?

Perhaps I’m confused about something that is really straight forward to every one else.  But I was under the impression that men who act like that are just kinda born that way.  Cause I don’t know how many articles I’ve read that excuse or blame men’s behavior on their hormones; I thought the root cause really was somehow biological. It was a Mars versus Venus issue. 

So please, can someone please help me get in the know here?  Are men who act like simple-minded, piggish pigs more a product of nurture verses nature?  Cause I know I’ve been really hard on them, not that they don’t necessarily deserve it.  But I don’t want to be finding my own power, by kicking men in the balls; I really just want to understand…

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I think it’s a bit of both. I do believe that the males of the species think differently than the females do. I don’t think either is inherently better than the other, just different. Almost two sides of the same coin, if you know what I mean.
    I also believe that society as a whole treats the two differently. Girls for the most part grow up being taught to be nice, emotionally aware, nurturers, whereas boys are often taught to be tough, strong, providers. Even if they are raised by the same parental “teachings”, how often do we hear “boys will be boys” when they are rough housing and “girls will be girls” when they get emotional and cry over something (from society, other parents, teachers, etc.) I think this carries over into adulthood as women tend to look at themselves for reasons why a relationship went bad or are better at “justifying” bad behavior in others (he’s been hurt, had a bad childhood,etc.) Men typically tend to react with a “screw them before they screw you” policy after being hurt a few times.
    I think we are improving, but it’s going to take a few more generations before society actually holds men and women to the same standards of emotional accountability. (Ward and June have a lot to answer for. I mean, really folks, my grandparents are still alive and they grew up in the “woman’s place is at home making provider man’s life peaceful and happy,” era.) Society and both sexes are still dealing with the fallout from the changing roles of men and women today, not just physically but emotionally as well.
    And yeah, I know not everyone fits into this theory, but we’re talking generalities here.

  2. 2

    says

    CJ, I agree both sexes are still dealing with the fallout and men are the gender having the most issues. Some men I should say.

    My site at About.com has been hit lately by comments from angry men who blame feminism for the high divorce rate and turning women into “bitches.”

    If you tell them they are b@st@rds they accuse you of trying to “shame” them. These are very simple-minded, piggish men.

    And, I’ve never met one who had not suffered some kind of past hurt. Whether it is rejection by women or pain for problems in their family of origin or changes in gender roles these men are damaged.

    Here is the thing though…emotional pain is no excuse for bad behavior. If that were true I could get away with murder!

    I think us women make excuses for men. If they behave badly we excuse it because they had a horrible mother or their last girlfriend cheated on them.

    So, whether it is nurture or nature, who cares. The key is to find one who you can respect and will respect you back. Not one you take as is because he has been injured.

  3. 3

    Delaine says

    I guess my question to MYSELF though is: Have I become too quick at ‘labelling’ men before giving them a fighting chance? Since getting divorced, did I start giving this ‘kind’ of men too much air time in my conversations with girlfriends and maybe even directly to men too? Cause I know I’m guilty of making generalizations – generalizations that probably not only make men defensive and angry, but ones that blind me from seeing the many decent, good men around me.

    Hmmmm. Still figuring this one out…

  4. 4

    Connor says

    I’m not sure if I’m “allowed” to post here, I’m a male but I stumbled onto this page because I have been curious about this topic recently and I think it might be insightful to hear a man talk about this openly and honestly.

    I think that most of the piggish, and simple-minded men in the world actin such ways due to society’s interpretation of what a man and a woman are. I won’t lie, there are many men whom I know that have disgusting views on what a womans role is. Personally, I think that the argument itself is a falsity because of the fact that just like we don’t come into the world with a set job or spouse, we don’t come into the world with a set role or superiority. We all begin as children who need to be protected and taughtand our experiences as human beings shape our perspective on the world around us, as such we act in ways that comply with those perspectives. Someone who has a childhood life shaped by laziness and watching a father have dominance over a mother will unfortunately(most likely) grow up to expect the same.

    I have had some experience with divorce. My parents were divorced when I was seven (I’m seventeen now, I hope that doesn’t doom my credibility), and for a long time I noticed that my parents were very bitter toward eachother and towards those of the opposite sex, they were very quick to make gross generalisations and judgments. I won’t pretend that I came out of the situation unscathed, I have had some issues that I won’t elaborate on here, but I overcame my problems with time and effort. I would say that based on these limited impartial observations that an event as emotionally poignant as divorce would tend to affect your view of the opposite sex in negative ways, but these are only two people so I wouldn’t say that definitively. I suppose that the point of this would be to try and keep an open-mind about the whole, even if parts are repulsive – it took me a very long time to consistenly do this. In the end I would say that the divorce was better for all parties due to the fact that I’ve always agreed much more with my mother than my father and I eventually stopped seeing my father.

    I would hope that what I have written has perhaps shown whomever is reading this that not all men are pigs, I can understand why some would feel that way though. It’s much easier and satisfying in the short-term to project negativity onto something than look for the positive in it. I wrote before,that I know people who have very primitive views on women, but I also know men who are intelligent, and are thoughtful enough to know that men and women are pieces of the same puzzle. Without one you can’t have the other, and neither is superior or inferior, just different. I would say that I know more males that are positive than vice-versa. So in conclusion, I guess I would just try to urge someone who is reading this that may think all men are stupid or perverts, to rethink that position because I consider myself exactly the opposite of both of those.

    I’m sorry about any typos in here but it isn’t letting me edit what I’ve written properly without rewriting everything. I’m also sorry if I’m not welcome here.

    I wish anyone who’s going through tough times right now good luck, you’ll come out of it stronger than before. I know I did.

  5. 5

    says

    Connor,you are more than welcome here. We enjoy a male perspective!

    My youngest son was 7 when his father and I divorced so I think I have an idea of what you may have experienced early in life. I’m very happy to hear that you grew through the experience.

    You are right when you say our experiences shape our views. I think that is why it is easy to clump all men or women into a negative category if you have gone through a divorce.

    The good news is that most managed to, like you, work through the pain, heal and come to understand that not all women are bad and neither are all men.

    I judge people on an idividual basis and one thing is for sure I don’t judge any man based on society’s idea of what a man should or shouldn’t be. I like to define for myself what I feel is a good man or good woman.

    The sad thing is, there are people who will always judge an entire gender as bad based on the behavior of a few members of that gender.

    The key is to not become one of those people. Like you said, “without one you can’t have the other and neither is superior or inferior, just different.”

  6. 6

    says

    Connor – First off, I must say I’m amazed that you’re only seventeen. You’ve express yourself so well and in a way many men/women much older are unable to do.

    I know I have been guilty of making generalizations about men since getting being betrayed and getting divorced. Unconsciously, I’ve taken the wrongs committed towards me out on other men. I see that only now. My anger needed an outlet, and men – the whole species – became my target. Again, I was doing this unconsciously.

    I really do WANT to undertsand men better. Not so that I can excuse or blame men’s behavior on a past event or society, but so that I can continue to move beyond my anger/hurt and see the many good men that really are out there. My inner-pendulum has started to shift again – I can feel it;I’m changing again. I know it required that both my head and heart reach some sort of agreement…and so I continue moving forward with my head….I’m trying to understand so that my heart can follow…

    Thank you for your thoughts Connor.

  7. 7

    A Man says

    No. And I can’t believe you would even THINK the guys SCRIPTED admission in a movie “The Ugly Truth” has anything to do with what is going on in REALITY.

    Did you take everything you saw in SexAndTheCity literally too?

    Because those were four women – for seven years – who knew NOTHING about how to keep a man’s interest or attention… and they continuously BLAMED MEN FOR IT.

    Oh, they were EXPERTS at “getting” male attention.
    But none of them had any idea how to KEEP it.

    …. just like the ill-informed, divorced women all over this website.

    These women will listen to each other’s advice about “men” – when none of them have any clue.

    While this clueless girl who published this article yammers on about how much she DESPISED Gerard Butler in the movie…. doesn’t she think its interesting that she would repeatedly SLEEP with men she despised??

    Why would a man CARE about intimacy, marriage, or a relationship to any woman when YOU posted the number one “advice” to other women…. “1. Don’t be afraid to fight for alimony for life.”

    The only reason they wrote that bullshit idea into “The Ugly Truth” that he was hurt in the past…. was so that divorced women – like YOU – would go and see the movie.

    Don’t EVER blame MEN because we have no interest in “paying alimony for life”.

    T and A is the FUN / ENJOYABLE part about women,.

    “paying alimony for life” is NOT.

    Are you getting it now????

  8. 8

    A Man says

    These women need to watch who they DARE call “piggish”.

    Getting T&A and ENJOYING it is a hell of alot more enjoyable for men….. than paying alimony for life, and child support and whatever else you women expect on a date.

    It is still legal in this country for a woman to allow herself to get pregnant without a man’s consent.

    While you may think men (like Gerard Butler – and myself) are “piggish”, unevolved, jerks (who you girls LOVE to sleep with)……. compare the tits and ass I want from you to the LIFETIME of alimony payments you want from ME.

    Guess who looks “piggish” now.

  9. 9

    says

    A Man, I always enjoy hearing another perspective. Especially from the opposite sex.

    You seem a bit confused though and in my opinion quite angry. That isn’t an opinion, it is a tirade. A useless diatribe that does you nor anyone who reads it any good.

    Evidently you feel you’ve been mistreated by a woman. If so I’m sorry and hope you are one day able to let go of the anger you feel.

  10. 10

    Another Good Man says

    Cathy,now you mention how you always enjoy hearing someone’s perspective(especially opposite yadda,yadda,ya). But, look at how you respond. You say he seems a bit confused and quite angry. You never mentioned how or why. You automatically assumed he must have been mistreated by a woman. Did he say anything about his past? No he didn’t.
    He made some valid points about men such as ourselves avoiding marriage with the “alimony for life” posting on this site. I don’t blame the guy, I feel the same way about marriage these days. Instead of you trying to address the points made,you jump into that old “he must’ve been by a woman” routine.
    {{ A useless diatribe that does you nor anyone who reads it any good.}}
    I’m sure you said that because you feel it doesn’t do you any good. So speak for yourself. You are prime example of the type who is hard to reason with, you overlook the key points made in a debate. Then, you take what you don’t like,send it through your emotional thought processor and come out with total crap.
    I’m done here,because staying is probably an argument waiting to happen. I’m sure this site is probably flooded with women who(like you)see things one way, their way. So say what you want about me. You can even call me names like “piggish”. I tell you one thing, I’d rather be a pig any day than to be an alimony paying slave to some ingrate.

  11. 11

    says

    Steve, thanks for your point of view. I’m not interested in debating with you whether how I feel is right or wrong.

    You feel the way you want to, I will feel the way I want to and we can call it a day.

    I don’t go to the website you frequent and make comments even though I find some of the things said rather offensive. Maybe in the future you will show me the same respect here on this site.

  12. 12

    Delainem says

    Ummmm….A Man? I’m the one who wrote this piece and called ‘some’ men piggish and simple-minded. We all know there are men out there like this – even my male friends roll their eyes at them. Similarly, I roll my eyes at fake chiquititas who have a pretentious agenda too.

    The reason I wrote this article was to help me understand why piggish men are the way are – not to deliberately name-call or degrade the male species.

    Cathy doesn’t deserve to be treated like this and it simply must stop. The idea here is have a discussion, not to blow up and personally rip someone part.

  13. 13

    says

    My point is A Man (alimony issue aside since it’s obviously a sore spot for you) – it’s not fair for us, men or women, to take out our anger on someone else for the crimes committed against us by another.

  14. 14

    Kerri says

    I read this, and I just can’t help myself. The gloves have got to come out.

    Who the heck pays alimony for life?? If your ex is trying to get you to pay alimony “for life” go to court, prove that she is able bodied and capable of work, and put a time limit on the alimony payments. Come on now, be smart. No judge is going to order alimony for life.
    Believe it or not though, she IS entitled to support if she has been a stay at home mommy to your babies and no longer has the qualifications or contacts to work a 9-5 job in her field. You pay your housekeeper, cook and babysitters don’t you? Yet because she loves/loved you she’s slave labour?? Why is she expected to fend for herself all of the sudden after years of being confined in domesticity? She IS entitled to a few years of measly support so that she can upgrade her education & get on her feet again.

    Why would it ever be illegal for a woman to get pregnant “when the man doesn’t want her to”? The Pill puts women at risk for blood clots, pleural affusions and embolysms– that means we are risking our lives because you say “it’s too tight” (it never is sweet cheeks). You don’t want kids? Put a condom on and she won’t get pregnant! If you don’t want to wrap it up, you want to “feel it” get a vasectomy. Problem solved. Consider it natural selection.

    And for frig sakes– this T & A being the “enjoyable” part of a woman– did you ever consider that if she’s spreading her legs for you– bearing the most sensitive part of her body to you– she might actually, God forbid, LIKE YOU??? I sincerely hope that you and I never cross paths on the dating scene, because “A Man”, after 10 minutes of your company I would give up penis for Lent.

    P.S. should I translate this response into oinking so you can comprehend it?

  15. 15

    DJ says

    A great person once said
    A few sayings come to mind after reading the above blogs

    ” No one can make me feel inferior without my consent” (Eleanor Rosevelt)

    and

    ” dont judge others until you have walked a mile in their boots “

  16. 16

    DJ says

    sorry, I stuffed up the formatting but I think you will get the gist of what I am saying….?

  17. 17

    NR says

    Well…I spent some time myself kicking men in the balls to protect myslef. I love men. men are great! Just as women are! There are some men who were raised to behave like jerks. Bad behaviors don’t make a bad person. Our behaviors are an indication of or beliefs. when beliefs change behavior changes. For example my own “bitch” behavior was built on the belief that I must protect myself from ending up with the wrong guy…guess what it got me….THE WRONG GUY!!! every time. I atracted what I projected. Guys who needed to protect themselves. So I changed. Over time I allowed for my true nature to evolve. What I found was that I have a greater need to give and a difficulty with receiving. So I attracted takers not givers. That was my issue not a mans. So I learned acceptance. The joy of receiving…and giving. It’s allowed me to know my boundries, somethiing I never had before.
    As far as men? I believe men are far more vulnerable and insecure than they are ever comfortable with. Men are still raised on old world societal beliefs of strength, conviction and power and their actions and behaviors surrounding such meanings must be very difficult for them to navigate. Both genders are in difficult times as women are trying to assert equality in carreers and societal areanas and men are trying to figure out being “masculine” under pressures of old beliefs and new realities.
    What do we really expect of each other as males and females? We have gender differences..and they’re AWSOME! We blanket men and women with our bad experiences rather than keeping it real. Men and women both exhibit bad behaviors when we are threatened, vulnerable, and fearful. Don’t blame an entire gender classification for what is likely our own poor belief. Resist these stereo typical generalizations. See the person not the gender. We need to be a little kinder to each other.

  18. 18

    Peter-Andrew:Nolan(c) says

    Ladies,
    I am a man you would now called a ‘pig’ by these standards. I was not always that way. I used to be the ‘best of the best husbands and fathers’. Now? I am what you women would call ‘a player’. I upgraded from ‘smuck-beta-provider’ to ‘alpha’.

    Why? Well? Take a look in the mirror if you want to find the culprit. THOUSANDS of western women have hurled abuse at me over the last three years for the ‘crime’ of refusing to allow my wife to continue to lie to me and steal from the family finances. You can read ALL about it here:
    http://www.peternolan.com/Divorce/ScannedDocuments/tabid/538/Default.aspx

    I am putting an end to ‘marriage’ as it is in the western world and you divorced women are the reason for my committment to do so. Well done.

    I was christian man who only had sex with three different women to my 44th birthday and one of them only once. I never dated a woman I didn’t think had a chance to become my wife. I was the ‘perfect catch’. And when my ex attacked me women hated on me with a passion. My children were kidnapped, my ex committed a series of crimes, my ex was given 95% of property in a clear crime. And still virtually ALL western women hate on me. Great. Thanks for letting me know you hate men like me.

    Now? I refuse to talk to western women more than is absolutely necessary for work. I date eastern european women who are totally lovely. Like my grandmothers used to be. I’ve had you crazy bitches try and tell me “you are not allow to not date us”. Really?

    You divorcees have shitting on us good fathers and husbands for so long now that you managed to shit on the wrong one. The one who decided to spend the 2.5 years it took, the 3,000 hours it took, and the $A500,000 dollars it took to end your cow-shit. Welcome to the ‘new western man’. What you would call a ‘pig’. You created millions of me just like me. Well done.

  19. 19

    says

    Peter-Andrew – Your situation and attitude towards dating Western divorced women confirms what I was attempting to understand in my article – that is, that a lot of men adopt this kind of condescending attitude/behaviour towards women AFTER they have been dreadfully hurt.

    Please just be aware that in labelling ‘all’ Western women this way, that’s unfair and limiting to you as well. Any time we harbor such negativity towards large groups of people damage is caused to all and most times, unjustly.

    The pain and unjustice you’ve experienced is obviously very real to you Peter-Andrew – and I do not seek to undermine that. I only wish to point out that many women are equally hurt and devastated by way of the divorce process, and it’s how we ALL choose to act in the aftermath of that pain that further reveals important lessons to us about our character. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I made that mistake myself for some time, holding all men responsible for the transgressions done to me by one. But with time, my anger softened and the pendulum of my emotions and beliefs found a much kinder and deeply aware homeostasis. I hope you find peace and eventually learn to give trust to those who deserve it, regardless of where they live or their marital status. I hope you can stay true to who you are, for that is what’s most important.

    Best,
    Delaine

  20. 20

    greyghost says

    Lets not get too cute with the ‘Oh you have been hurt stuff” Women in todays society just are not worth the legal and social hastle that comes with them. I have never and will never recieve pleasure from a woman that compares to the legal, finacial and emotional drain a women has as part of her being. And what is amazing to someone that can see is that you are proud of it. As a man or just a human being in general I would be ashamed to have any speak of me like that. Lucky for women in general most men are loving beta men that desire a woman approval. So each one of you gets to have a man to destroy. And based on the comments from the women here not one has any thing to offer. And refer to the beta man you had as a pig. There is a social concept young men are learning to deal with todays women and It is called “Game” When ever I’m around young men I advise them to avoid marriage and to avoid fatherhood. Also I introduce them to the concept of game.Game will help those young men get past the pussy whipped stage and will teach them about female psychology. A man that knew game would have never married someone with an attitude like the Cathy you have commenting here. That person is pump and dump she is also someone that needs to be in her late forties childless and never married.

  21. 21

    William says

    Just out of curiosity to the womenfolk here: How many of you initiated your divorce? I’ve read online that women initiate two-thirds of all divorces. (You can google it and this is what you’ll find) Do you concur with this?

    Additionally, I’ve also discovered (from google) that in only 5% of all divorces, abuse is cited as the reason for the break-up. Has this been your understanding, also?

    I’m not married, but it seems to me from what I’ve read, women initiate the majority of divorces…when they feel like it.

    I’m not insinuating anything; I’m just curious. Does anyone concur with the above statements?

  22. 22

    Visitor N says

    Does this mean that most men in real life that come across as piggish, simple-minded jerks are in self-defense mode?

    No. It means they’ve learned that this approach is successful for getting women in bed (It’s called a-hol game, and you can read all about it over at Citizen Renegade). After all, did you notice the polite, well-groomed man next to that jerk? Didn’t think so. Nice GuysTM are as invisible to you as women over 35 are invisible to us.

    BTW- there are many variants of Game (basically, how a man can appear more sexually desirable to women), which many, many men say has been transformative in their lives. It’s popularity is exploding, largely due to its clear success and broad utility. There are even variants for married men to use on their wives (see, e.g., Keoni Galt, Hawaiian Libertarian). Maybe if your husbands had been aware of this, you’d still be married.

    To you good women out there: 1) many of your sisters are currently generalizing and kicking men in the balls. This may be affecting your success. Are you doing anything about it (I mean, besides denigrating men as simple-minded, piggish jerks)? 2) my impression is that most men your age are not angry, but they are indifferent (a natural and foreseeable consequence of time, gravity, and being told for several decades that they are like bicycles to fish, not to mention the metaphorical ball kicking going on right now, even if you’ve stopped).

    I think it is a mistake to mischaracterize their indifference as anger. To paraphrase from one of Fred Reed’s recent essays, did it never occur to women that a lot of men might be perfectly happy with casual sex, rented furniture, and a Harley Sportster? I’m meeting more and more men choosing to not seek any long-term relationships with women (commonly known as men going their own way, MGTOW, which also is growing exponentially, based on Internet search returns). As more men take these paths, the Nice GuysTM who might otherwise have agreed to marriage will have more options/distractions that favor remaining single. In others words, Game and MGTOW have second-order effects on marriage/LTRs.

    I have three sisters, one of which is recently divorced, so I will share the advice I gave her. First, write down the characteristics and attributes you are looking for in a man. Be honest. Writing them down will help sort them out. Prioritize them in some fashion, and draw a line between the musts and the wants. Stand before a mirror, and say out loud: “I want a man [must #1]. I want a man [must #2], etc.” through at least all the musts on your list. Then, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself why such a man, who undoubtedly would be desired by many women, would select you from the 3.5 billion other women in the world. Hope that helps.

    I’d like to finish by pointing out that it’s not merely personal experience that has shaped the men around you, it is also a social and legal system that has been denigrating men for decades. However, I think that’s going to come clattering down eventually, and possibly quite soon. At the beginning of this year, F. Roger Devlin published his essay The Misandry Bubble at The Futurist website. He made many predictions, several of which have already occurred. If you’re truly interested in understanding men better, The Misandry Bubble has a lot of food for thought, several links to other sites discussing these issues, and is probably as good a place as any to start.

  23. 23

    Visitor N says

    Dear Delane,

    You admonished Mr. Nolan that labelling ‘all’ Western women this way, is unfair and limiting to him as well. First, who are you to define his experience and perspectives? He can label them any way he wants. Also, I believe Mr. Nolan is in the enviable position of living outside the Anglosphere with copius access to Eastern European women, including Russian and Baltic women (which I do not believes he lumps in with Western women). As anyone who’s ever been there will readily understand that he’s not limiting himself at all.

  24. 24

    says

    I can speak for every woman who has left a comment on this post William and tell you that in every case it was the husband who left the marriage. Left for another woman, another man or had a midlife crisis.

    I concur that most women file for divorce. What you don’t see in statistics is the reason they file for a divorce. There are women who leave to go find themselves. Maybe they read Eat, Pray, Love and decided that what they had was no longer good enough. Maybe they find another honey and trade up for something they think is better. Maybe they are fools who don’t know a good thing when they have it.

    You also have women who file for divorce after being left for another woman. Or, abandoned by a husband who has left her with all the bills and children to care for. There are situations in which women are forced to file for a divorce in order to protect themselves and their children from the damage some damned, dumb-ass man is doing.

    Numbers don’t prove anything. It is the why behind the filing that is indicative of what is going on in marriage in our society. You want proof of what some women are going through due to the bad behavior of Western men?

    Check out the social network at FirstWivesWorld.com. Or the Midlife Crisis forum at DivorceBusting.com. There you will get a true representative of what women are enduring and why they are left with no other option than file for a divorce.

    I’ve worked in the divorce industry for 8 years. I’ve worked with many, many women AND men going through a divorce. Not once has the problems in the marriage had anything to do with abuse. I’ve NEVER had a female client complain about her husband being abusive. So, the 5% number does not surprise me.

    Some women initiate divorce when they feel like it, some women initiate divorce after months, sometimes years of bending over backwards to make her marriage work. The fact that more divorces are filed by women is no reason to define all women as evil.

    Here is my story…My ex walked away one day. If someone had told me he was about the leave I would have told them they were crazy. I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world. He was a wonderful husband and father. And he had a great wife.

    He turned on a dime, admitted to having a midlife crisis and needing to change his life. When he changed he became vengeful and mean spirited. I won’t even discuss the things he has done to me in the last twelve years.

    His children though, that is worth telling. He stopped caring. He had a 7 and 14 year old who thought he walked on water and he turned his back on them. They went from the top of his list of priorities to the very bottom.

    He never called them, never made plans with them but would get pissed because they didn’t contact him on his schedule. When his oldest was Baptized he showed up at the church but refused to come down and speak to his son because he had not been sent a hand written invitation. He got the same damned notice everyone else got but he thought he was owed more. Forget what he might owe his child.

    This “Western” man went six years without seeing his children. He found himself a new wife and new step-daughter and got on with his life. He sent a Christmas card one year with a sticky note on it that said, “you guys know where I am if you ever want to see me.” That was one Christmas card in a five year period. No offer to visit them because who was he to have to put himself out for his children? It was their job to maintain a relationship with him, in his opinion.

    When he finally tried to rebuild his relationship with our youngest he screwed up royally by getting pissed and cutting the boy off because he didn’t want to continue living with his father.

    That was a year ago, the ex now refuses to answer his son’s phone calls or respond to his emails. His son went as far as apologizing to him for anything he might have done or said to hurt his father and his father…the one who has spent years causing enormous pain still refused to communicate.

    You men don’t have a monopoly on bad treatment by a member of the opposite sex. The difference between the guys at spearhead and the women here is that women don’t judge all men by the behaviors of a few men.

    You guys are busy blaming “Western” women but too stupid to see that it isn’t Western women in general, it is a few women. But hey, it makes no difference to me whether you “pump and dump” your women or not.

    You see, I like a Western man just all Western man and I’ve learned through experience that not all Western men are like those who “pump and dump” or abandon their families.

    @greyghost, I’m neither ashamed nor proud of whatever it is you have to say about me or any other woman. You see, your opinion of me is inconsequential. You don’t know me, never will. I don’t know you, never will, have no desire to. Why should I care? Your feelings about women don’t affect me at all. Those feelings are your burden to carry around, not mine.

  25. 25

    says

    Visitor N, if Mr Nolan is happy dating Eastern European women then that is 100% his choice and perspective. I was simply pointing out that pre-judging and labeling every Western woman he meets is unfair. I think it’s important that our anger and upset is responsibily directed towards the right person…not millions within a culture.

  26. 26

    Zammo says

    So please, can someone please help me get in the know here? Are men who act like simple-minded, piggish pigs more a product of nurture verses nature? Cause I know I’ve been really hard on them, not that they don’t necessarily deserve it. But I don’t want to be finding my own power, by kicking men in the balls; I really just want to understand…

    This piggishness of which you speak is the product of being rewarded by women for that behavior.

    As a single man in his 40s, I have learned through direct experience with more than quite a few women that “piggish” behavior results in more physical intimacy (sex) with women. It’s the weirdest thing. For years I was the typical nice guy and found myself in the Friend Zone time and time again. My mistake was actually listening to women when they all said “I’m looking for a nice guy.”. The online dating profiles are rife with the empty call of “I’m looking for a nice guy” or “Where are all the nice guys?”

    Not wanting to be in the Friend Zone, I changed my approach. Behold Zammo the jerk! And guess what… women are suddenly attracted to me. I learned to ignore the words of women and focus on their actions. It was an epiphany! Women WANT piggish behavior in the men with whom they share their bed. They’ll even share the man with other women!

    Oh, I also learned Game ;)

  27. 27

    greyghost says

    Nice to see a reply. It looks like you are pretty happy and content with the way things are and you are rightfully so. Your generation of women have it good enough to have a web sight celebrating divorce. The 4-12 year olds won’t have it so good. Like I posted before divorced women that are in there 40′s and childless have a different view on things. Right now with marriage and divorce a woman risks and loses absolutely nothing. Thats why you have the attitude and you don’t give a damn about what i or any body else thinks because you don’t have to. A five year old girl today will pay for that attitude.

  28. 28

    William says

    Cathy,

    That was quite a remarkable response. My uncle did the same thing to my Aunt; just up and left her with four kids. It’s very strange, he tried to disappear, the whole thing is bizarre.

    I’m 41 and a bachelor, never married, no kids. Something very strange is going on in the world between men and women. I haven’t a clue as to how to understand it. My sister was married for about a year and then one day she came home and her ‘partner’ had disappeared. Packed his bags and vanished. This is all very unsettling. What was once a stable, monogamous society where a man met a woman and courted her has morphed into a serial monogamous society where men and women ‘hook up’. Sure, it’s all fun and games for young people. Now, it’s actually beginning to disgust me. Oh well, I’ll just stay on the sidelines and ride it out.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. I read the Spearhead and so I only see one side. Nice to see the women’s side for a change. It’s not a good time for men; we have to do things our Grandfathers and Fathers never taught us: emote, empathize, share feelings, dance, share. Some guys can do it, most cannot. Most of those things I mentioned I would have to pay for someone to instruct me, and I’m not kidding. I would need private lessons on how to show empathy and to emote. Ah, enough of this. Take care and good luck.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] worry guys – I’m still grinning.  Guess this man is one of the simple-minded, piggish jerks Iwrote about that you and I both roll our eyes at.  Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that “Big [...]

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