Would YOU Go Out To A Bar Alone?
August 11, 2009 by delainem
Filed under Cougars & MILFs, Dating & Sex, From The Dating Trenches
Submitted by Delaine
This past Friday night, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out, but all of my girlfriends were busy. I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home. But what was the alternative? Go to a bar lounge by myself? No way!
I then began wondering how many divorced women find themselves in this situation. Cause let’s face it – once we hit a certain age, most of our friends are married, have kids and aren’t interested in going out.
Would I ever consider going out by myself? I asked myself seriously. Hmmm. Visions of me sitting awkwardly at a bar sprung to my imagination. I saw people looking over at me – judging me: Desperate? Skank? Alcoholic? Depressed? Overwrought with self-consciousness, I’d play with my cell phone… Suddenly – oh phew! Someone comes over to talk to me! And yup – figures. He’s drunk, homely and overly-convinced I need his company.
With all these questions running through my mind, I decided to ask some girlfriends if they’d ever gone out alone. Of the seven friends I queried, three said they HAD, in fact, deliberately gone out alone; the rest shared the same paranoid insecurities as me.
Intrigued, I asked those who had what it was like. Here’s what I got back:
1) It’s all about attitude and confidence. If you sit there all awkward, others will pick up on it. Own it – you’re by yourself. Who cares?
2) If you want to meet people, it’s more effective to sit at the bar than a table.
3) If you’re overly self-conscious, in some cases you might try bringing a laptop or book.
4) Men AND women are more inclined to approach you if you’re alone.
5) If you’re worried about looking like a slut, don’t dress like one. And smile in a friendly way at women too – you don’t want ‘Cougar On The Prowl’ written all over you. *grin
I don’t know…my friends make it sound so easy. But sheesh, it does sound a lot more exciting than alphabetizing the spice rack, don’t you think?
Delaine
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I’ve never gone out alone like that, and frankly, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have the confidence to do it. But kudos to anyone who can!
In my younger days I used to go out alone at times. I lived in a small town though and new that the probability of running into someone I knew was high. That kept some of the nervousness at bay.
Your friends are right, it is all about attitude and you do have to “own it.”
And, if memory serves me well, you can be hit on by a sloppy drunk in a bar whether you are alone or not. Just because some drunk thinks you are needy doesn’t mean you are.
I don’t think anything less of men who are in bar lounge alone, so I’m not sure why I have a different set of rules for women. It’s kinda shocking to me that I have a double standard!
I used to go out by myself also, but it was to my regular hangout. There was always somebody there that I knew. (I even got conned into bar-backing a couple of times when I was alone.) I’m not sure I’d have the guts to do it now
. But your friends are right. It’s all about the attitude!
I want to do it, I’ve tried to do it ~ I get there and then I look around and, it’s not me, I just don’t like what I see. My question is ~ WHERE do you find places for men that I want? I don’t want generics, I don’t want wannabe studs, I don’t want college boys ~ I want a MAN. A nice, decent, intelligent, conversational and funny man… I’m cool with going out on my own, I’ve got books, I look good ~ it’s just that THEY aren’t where I go… where are they???
WHERE are those men, Mama Lion? I have no clue! Whenever I think about meeting a decent, cultured man I think of piano bars and upper scale lounges that, here in Calgary, you find moreso in hotels. But hotels would attract out-of-towners here on business, and long distance isn’t what I want either. There again, maybe it’s when we stop looking that he magically appears.
And on that note, maybe the emphasis of going out shouldn’t be on meeting a man. Maybe it should be about having some fun beyond drinking tea at home and maybe making a new friend or two.
I’m only speaking for me here… but you know, it irks me that at my age, after all I’ve grown and changed since divorcing, I STILL lack the confidence to TRY doing this alone! Where did my newfound confidence go? Why am I still limiting myself??? I don’t have to explain myself to anyone! Truly, no one’s holding me back but me.
So maybe…just maybe…I should do an experiment.
Delaine, you should give it a go and let us know what it is like!
I’m thinking about it Sara, I’m thinking about it. *grin It might be kinda fun to try out. I’ll let you know if and when!
I am currently going through a divorce, I too wonder where I can go to have fun that doesn’t involve a bar every time ’cause that scene can get old fast. But I did recently go to a bar alone as my friends all had other plans. I really wanted to see the band (Kyle Bennett Band) that was playing that night. So I told myself “You’re a grown woman, what is the worst that can happen, you show up have a beer if it’s not fun you can always leave and go home, don’t be scared!”. I had a really good time. I even asked a guy to dance w/ me…twice. He was a great dancer! I must say people do feel sorry for you when you are alone. I had several people approach me to ask me if I was alone and ask me to sit w/ them. The ladies at the table next to me asked me to take their pic, then I asked them to watch my table when I went to the ladies room and before you know it I was sitting w/ them and had a fabulous time. Bottom line….Don’t be scared, own it!