Coming Out of The Shadows
September 15, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Evolution, Identity
Submitted by: Maya
I KNOW that it happens to more of us than we’d think. It happens when
children are nice and well behaved so they can fade into the shadows. It happens when children are naughty and don’t want to be caught ~ but doesn’t usually last too long… It happens to girls who want to like boys but don’t have the confidence to be themselves. It happens to wives who no longer want to be who they are.
I look at women and see a glut of overweight, back flabbed ex beauty queens who dress in clothes that don’t suit them and/or sweatpants. I see women walking with glum faced partners, picking up the dropped pieces from the procession of their families. Women who just don’t care anymore on the outside but want to be invisible ~ to become part of the scenery and as drab as humanly possible.
I see women who have been shocked and surprised at a comment from their partner about divorce, completely unsuspecting that they have achieved what they subliminally aimed for. They became those women that they never believed they would be.
I see my daughter, a beautiful 22 year old woman who takes her time to look excellent every minute of every day. She takes pride in her appearance and eyes follow her when she sashays down the street. She has a sense of pride that I am only just reconnecting with because ~ I used to be her. I never saw myself gain much weight and lose little. He controlled the wallet and would not allow me the right to wear something special and beautiful, or even thrift store chic. I just started wearing his tee shirts and losing more of myself in the process as he’d complain that my breasts were too big and would stretch his shirts.
I didn’t notice that my professional haircuts disappeared to save money. I stopped doing my nails. I hope that my proud daughter never partners a man who ceases to admire the care that she takes to present her own strong sense of self. I hope she never stops taking care of herself. I hope that she never wants to become invisible.
I see the peers of my daughter who went to high school with her and got pregnant and married or pregnant and not married and I see girls who look ten years older, tired and no longer taking care of themselves. Shadows of who they used to be. Invisible. Pushing strollers next to beer-gutted guys with a cold six-pack in each hand.
We need to find our value in our every day. We need to get up, get dressed and exercise for us. To present the side of us to the world of who we are on the INSIDE. To bring the inside ~ outside. But if we have to fight a battle with a partner who sees no beauty in that girl they once loved, we need to move on, they don’t deserve that delicate and delectable beauty… We need to come out of the shadows and teach our sons and daughters that shining is who we are from the inside… to the outside…
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Dang…there are days when I think I’m alone in all my “issues”, then I read a post like this and realize there are a LOT of people battling the same issues I am. Self-esteem and self-worth are powerful things, yet it is amazing how easily they can slip away without us noticing until we hit rock bottom. On the radio the other day the DJ mentioned that a study had been done and the outcome of it was basically this – If you’re sense of self is tied up in your relationships you are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, depression and weight problems. My thought was “Really, ya think??? I hadn’t noticed.” (Can you hear the sarcasm?) Now where the hell was that study a decade or two ago BEFORE I lost myself?! Good post!
I thought about this post as I dressed this morning. I threw on sweat pants and a T-shirt and headed out for my walk. The beauty of working from home is that I don’t *have* to care what I look like.
That is not a good thing. You get so used to not caring that you lose the ability to care. I think it is not only the world we need to show who is inside. We need to show ourselves.
One thing is for sure, the woman inside me would never settle for the lack of concern I’ve gotten used to taking with my appearance. If only she weren’t so tired I’m sure she would never allow me to get away with it.
That is exactly my point my friends. I never noticed how sloppy I had become. I only took care of ‘them’ and nibbled on the leftovers. I forgot that how invisible I felt on the inside was showing on the outside. But not necessarily invisibly, I was showing that I just didn’t care. We’ve been told, over and over again that often that overweight, slovenly woman has put that suit of armor onto herself to fade away from her partner,to get him to leave her alone. We see them everywhere.
I see them differently these days, I WAS her. I WAS stuck, I WAS unappreciated. That is not the me of today. I show my self-appreciation in taking the time to present myself as best I can… I deserve it. It’s rare when I take my walk in the evening without my bra, even though it’s uncomfortable ~ but I FEEL underdressed and unbecoming and yes, slovenly. It is my goal to feel beautiful every day from now on. To make the effort ~ for me.
And besides, if I don’t wear my bra, where do my phone and ipod go? It’s all part of the plan and that plan is all about me…
Phone and IPOD in the bra?? OK, I’ll admit to sticking the IPOD in there while mowing, but how in the hell do you get the phone to stay in place???? Everytime I try it, it falls out, er, um, ok, maybe it’s ME that falls out!
And here I thought I was the only woman using her bra as a place to carry her cell phone.
I often walk around the neighborhood wonder if people refer to me as the woman with the weird boob. One perfect shaped boob, one oblong, flat boob…that rings from time to time!
CJ,next time you purchase bras, purchase the all purpose sort. Really, they should put pockets on the darn things!
Pockets on bras!!! Somebody call the patent office and find an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder engineer! I want one of those with POCKETS!!!!