Where I Heard A Lewd Comment, My Son Heard Wedding Bells
October 1, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Children & Divorce, Family, NoMore, Parenting
Submitted by Delaine
My eight-year-old son and I entered a conversation on my possibly remarrying the other day. It came through a strange side-door. We were walking down our street, I ahead of him, when two men walking the other way called out: “Fine fine fine, like a bottle of wine” followed by The Whistle.
“Why did they do that Mom?” my son asked me.
“Ummm. Cause they thought I was attractive.” Seeing the confused look on his face, I added, “Sometimes men and women do funny things when they like someone.”
In the car the next day, he brought it up again. “Mom, you know those guys who said fine fine fine like a bottle of wine? Are you going to marry one of those guys?”
“Gosh no!” I replied. “Honey, I don’t even know them. I can assure you I wouldn’t marry either one of them.”
Later that day: “Mom, are you SURE you’re not going to marry one of those guys who said fine fine fine like a bottle of wine?”
I sat down next him and looked at him sincerely. “I swear I’m not going to marry either one of them. And honey, if I was dating someone special or falling in love with someone, I’d let you know. And I’ll make sure he’s a really great guy, I promise. Someone all of you will love too.”
“You promise he’ll be nice? He’ll be gentle? Maybe someone like your brother, Uncle Chad?”
I smiled. “Absolutely. He will be kind and gentle and funny and love the heck out of you too!”
He beamed. Then: “I have an idea Mom. If Roy and Tina get divorced, maybe you can marry Roy!”
I laughed. “They’re happily married sweetheart. But yes, the man I marry will be gentle like Roy.”
“And then Kooper and Len will be my brothers!” he whooped. “And that would be AWESOME cause Kooper’s my best friend!”
I sat there shaking my head but grinning nonetheless. Oh, the inner workings of a child!
Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
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I have the same dilemma with my 7 year old daughter. She has me marrying each man I date… and saying it out loud in front of him, too! LOL. Talk about awkward moments – or the end of a relationship because it completely scares him off! How do you talk about developing a relationship and really getting to know a partner without that having to end in marriage?
LOL, I suddenly envision men sprinting out the front door like they’re doing the 100 yard dash.
I’m at the point where I’m starting to talk to my kids (very gradually) about how I hope one day to find another special man to share my life with. Again, I’m reassuring my kids that they’ll be in the know as soon as it happens and that I’ll be sure to choose someone that they like too. I’ve explained that one day they will leave me, buy their own houses, start their own families…and that I want someone to share my life, my home, my heart with. I think they ‘kind of’ get that. I figure it I say it gently, but often enough, they’ll understand that mom needs to make new friendships and spend time cultivating relationships outside the house. But I also explain that I may need to explore the big world for awhile to find the right man…just as they will do one day too.