Fostering Happiness in a Time of Adversity

Submitted by: Maya
When my marriage ended, it felt like the end of the world to me.  I had wanted out for a very long time but I assumed that it would be a dignified process, normal squabbles, but he and I had a friendship behind us and we both wanted the same thing.  It should have been black and white.  But like most, it wasn’t.

I’m not going to bore you with that stuff ~ not this time, but I wanted to share something that came my way that helped me steer my personal ship into a safe harbour.  It’s not for everyone but it definitely worked for me and ~ if you’ve ever had the idea, it might work for you, too.

My safe harbour came in the form of an eight year old boy.  My children were growing up too fast and were moving on, taking their own roles.  When my daughter flew off to explore foreign lands there was a hole that burned inside of me that could not be filled.  I was aware that I could not replace my daughter, my light ~ but I knew that noise and clutter and busyness would help me find my way through that lonely silence.

I filled out the paperwork, I started taking the classes, I went through the police check and interviews and still was terrified about taking on someone else’s cast-off child.  I had my first look one afternoon and saw a beautifully faced, messy haired, scabby kneed urchin who looked straight through me with intense disinterest.  My heart hurt for him, wondering what was going through his mind and ached for me, with the absence of my daughter.

The Department put us together slowly and on a bright day in early summer, he took residence in my daughter’s room.  Because I’ve been a teacher for many years, I laid down my laws, knowing full well that it’s better to start out with strictness and detachment than the warm fuzzies.  He stared right through me and mumbled ‘Yes Maya, no Maya’.  It took us six months of circling one another before either one of us gave in to the understanding that the other one was really better than okay.

He didn’t want me to come see him on parent days or grandparent days, he didn’t want me to come to sports days or to work in the canteen.  I knew that he had been joined by a dozen other women who stood in his room in the guise of a parent and it would have been so hard for him to explain yet another one. He ignored me when I set up my chair at his soccer games and pretended like he didn’t know me when we went to the mall.  But somehow love worked its magic and we found ourselves laughing at one another and easing up on our suspicions…

So it worked for me.  He’s been with me for four years and we are tight.  He is a permanent placement and I believe that he will always see me as his home.  Hopefully he’ll return every year during college holidays and when he has his own family because we are one.  If I could adopt him, I would but I can’t so I encourage him to spend as much time as possible with his spread-around large family of 24 siblings.  They have all become part of my family and we are really happy together.  I’ve found a purpose with these beautiful Thai/Australian children and they’ve found a home in mine.

Just a thought…
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