Dating Younger Men – Would You? Could You? Dare Ya!

Submitted by Delaine

younger man older woman divorceWhen I first started dating after divorce, I felt like I’d arrived on another planet.  Not just cause I had no idea how to date again, but because it quickly became apparent that a new ‘phenomena’ had come to town since I’d last visited:  Young Men Seeking Older Women.  And oh yeah –  their holsters were full.

If you’re anything like I was back then, you may frown and tsk tsk at the mere thought of dating or even meeting with a younger man.   God knows I had “rules” – and lots of them.  After all, good, decent women of a ‘certain age’ should only good, stable men of a ‘certain age.’  Right? 

But combine hormonal surges with temptations and opportunities (and ok, maybe a couple of drinks), and low and behold my Old Rule Book got rewritten.  Not burnt – just revised, with a special-edition chapter on self-exploration with the Young Man Kind.

So for those you adjusting to singlehood or sitting on the fence of ‘Could I?  Should I?,’ here are a few pointers of wisdom and encouragement from a responsible mom AND Sexual being who belly laughed her way onto the ‘dark side’ a few times…

1)  Don’t act surprised when he shows interest in you!  Whether he’s staring at you in a bar, buying you drinks or emailing you on dating sites, his interest in you, believe it or not, is not unusual or freaky in today’s day in age.  So don’t act all aghast.  He’s serious and he’s playing a card; play it cool.

2)  Don’t think of you as being the only lucky one – HE IS TOO!  Yes, on a superficial level, it might be an ego rub for the older woman, but c’mon, how many younger men only DREAM of being with an older woman?  He not only reeps the rewards of your divine company and intelligent conversation, he gains access to learning new skills in the love-making department.  What young man DOESN’T want that?  Besides, do you remember how immature and fickle you were as a young woman?  Maybe there’s something to him wanting to spend time with an older woman!

3) Own your decision and let your inner vixen shine, stretch marks, c-section scars, cellulite and all.  He’s about to be devoured by an older woman – do you REALLY think he’s caring how your triceps compare to an 18 year old’s?

4)  If you fall into bed right away, don’t be too quick to assume it was a one-nighter only.  If you both really enjoyed it, why not make it ongoing, if not a friends with benefits scenario.  Think of it this way, two weeks after your rendezvous when you’re all worked up again, what sounds more appealing – Pink Bugsy Boy in the drawer or lovely eager flesh and blood young man?

5) Don’t be so quick to judge – you never know how a relationship can evolve or when Cupid might show up.  Sure, lots of younger men may be too immature for serious relationship consideration, but you know what?  Some ARE mature – more so than men YOUR age.  Just keep the ‘Options’ door open, even if just a crack.

6)  Though the age difference might be staggering to you, when you get him back to your place, DON’T offer to make him a snack and treat him like he’s five.:)  He’s not looking at you in a ‘motherly ‘ way, so for gosh sake, don’t act like one!

 

Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

 

 

Other Articles:

The Dating Gloom & Doom Bandwagon

Narcissitic Relationship: Use It Or Lose It

Forgiving Yourself

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I’m all for it, Delaine! There are definite advantages to the younger man – and not just the obvious physical ones. There’s a jolt of energy and enthusiasm that one doesn’t (necessarily) get from the older man. And of course, it’s terribly flattering – especially if the esteem got a mashing during divorce.

    Ultimately, I still think it’s about whatever makes for great chain reactions… emotional, intellectual, and chemical – but I do find that I personally fit better with a man 5 to 8 years younger.

    Some of that may have to do with energy level, with the ages of my kids (teens), and the fact of enjoying time with men who are at the same parenting stage that I am.

    There are plenty of other reasons, too (more about attitude and open-mindedness, that are a little more prevalent in those younger).

    Do note – I don’t discriminate against a man my own age or a few years older; it’s all about what works. But when it works with a younger man, why not?

    And like a lot of things that put a little pink in our cheeks – don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!

    BLW

  2. 3

    Jolene says

    Although I have never thought of myself as someone who could date a younger man the advise you give is great. My mother married someone that was 11 years younger than her and she has never been as happy as she is with him… and they have been togther for over twenty years… I am not currently dating a younger man but I do know that age differances can make a big differance in a relationship… because I am currently datinig someone that is much much older than I am. Age aside, finding someone who shares your same goals in life and loves you for who you are… at any age… is the key in a good relationship.

  3. 4

    Danah says

    And bottom line is, even if these younger guys don’t turn into Mr Forever, they’re a great way to get your groove back! Sometimes a little ego rub and some GREAT fun is just what the doctor ordered for us divorcing!

  4. 5

    says

    Go Danah! You definitely get my vote on that one. It works for men and women both I think – when newly divorced, you need to experiment, get to know yourself in a different role and with other partners, and why not with a bit of youthful energy and enthusiasm?

    Remember how Stella got her groove back…

  5. 6

    DanaLK says

    Great timing on this article. I’ve just been giving myself a serious pep talk about lightening up a little. I’ve been divorced 2 years, and so far have been very serious–focused on work and going back to school. And I’ve been all full of rules. Earlier this summer I was flirting with the idea of a younger guy, and was chicken. But after some thought, and regret, I’d definitely give it a try if an opportunity like that arises again. Life is short. I’ve had my life on hold long enough. Anything could happen next week, and I need to get a little livin’ in.

    Thanks for the lively reinforcement. :)

  6. 7

    DelaineM says

    LOL My PLEASURE Dana! I just love it when gfs can make other gfs smile – and we ALL need ‘that’ kind of glowing, smile too. Fortunately, as I ventured into the dating realm again after divorce, my best friend was going through the same insanity…and let’s just say, we egged each other on and belly laughed like there was no tomorrow.

  7. 8

    Michael N says

    I’m attracted to older woman myself don’t think that is wrong or anything hormonial, i’ve had married women going through divorce “almost” spend the night” gotten numbers of 30 somethings there isn’t anyhting out of the ordinary or wrong with that except for the married part if your single your single. The older woman likes that young feeling and the man loves that she is stable and doesn’t play games. An adult able to express there feeling clearly is very attractive not too mention maybe a few zeros in the bank. LolYour alright just live your life.

  8. 9

    Whispering winds says

    I did twice. One was a 7 yr relationship. He was not a lot younger but enough to appreciate me and be kind and nice. We both liked to dance. My ex did dance, just not with me lol!

    One guy liked about his age told and he was ten years younger than men.

  9. 10

    Simone says

    I had a completely wild year following my divorce 2 years ago. I’d been married for 15 years, and hadn’t realised just how low my self-esteem had got to…..

    My wild year totally cured all that! Virtually all the men I met during that year were younger than myself, one being just 25 (I was 45!), but he was absolutely lovely and treated me like a princess. We both went into the relationship as purely a physical one, and I met with him about 12 times over the course of a year. Did wonders for bootsing my morale! Most of the men I met with I’d never have dared even approach in a bar! I met them all via the internet.

    I met a lot of older chaps who acted very immaturely, were quite jealous and wanted me all to themselves. The younger men were happy for a non-serious relationship. I was happy to have the physical…. “perks” and not having a load of dirty washing to pick up off the floor!!! Haa haa!

    All good things have to come to an end I guess….. I’m now in a long-term relationship with someone eight years my junior, but to me it’s all about compatibility rather than someone being the “right age”.

  10. 11

    Linda says

    I am currently in a serious relationship with a younger man (10 years younger). I can honestly say I was hesitant at first, I was exactly like what was described in this story.

    But the more I got to know him and the more time we spent together… I found out that we had more in common than anyone I have ever been with. We have been together for almost a year and a half and have so much fun together. We dance, go for long walks, he teaches me about basketball and I teach him about art. What ever differences we do have we share our knowledge with one another and really are experiencing what it is to grow with someone.

    We always get comments where ever we go about how much in love we look like and if we are on our honey moon. We never stop holding hands, and he is always very proud to have me by his side.

    He did loose a friend who didn’t support our relationship, but he was quick to defend my honor (more than anyone ever did my age). He stated that if his friends couldn’t support him and be happy for him than they are not real friends.

    I am so much in love and to think how close I came to just turning away and not giving him a chance… it frightens me. I would have missed out on the greatest love I have ever experienced. We hope to one day marry.

  11. 12

    George says

    I am a divorced father of two children. I have custody of my children. A son 8 and a daughter 12. My ex of many years is 46. She is currently dating/sleeping with a 21 year old. My children seem to be less than enthusiastic about him. I have had them in counseling for over a year now for anxiety issues related to this relationship. I have read this article and many articles trying to understand my ex’s desire to be with someone sooooooo young. While I understand the physical attraction and chemistry thing, I am bothered that no one seems to be considering the effect these relationships have on minor children. I am bothered that women feel it is okay to hookup with men/boys 20+ years their junior without considering the impact it makes on young children(their daughters). I am bothered that women and men are not concerned with the example they provide these young children.

  12. 13

    says

    George, you’ve made an excellent point in bringing this up cause I don’t think it’s OK to expose our children to our simple ‘adventures’, whether the man is 20 or 50. We are allowed to ‘play’ but protecting our kids and their over all well-being comes FIRST.

    If the mother of your children has fallen in love with this younger man, then that’s one thing – but if it’s short term, you’re right, I think it’s very confusing for your children to understand. Have you tried to address this with your ex-wife? If not, I know I’d be gently opening conversations around it with my children so at the very least, they have a chance to ask questions or express feelings around it. That might help do damage control, which, I know is frustrating to have to do. But they’re worth it…even if the ex is totally not thinking straight and you want to shake him/her!

  13. 14

    Janay says

    This article really hit home. I was married for almost 12 years to a man 6 years younger than me but we were profoundly incompatible as spouses and recently divorced. I have discovered the joy of spending time with younger men and it has given me such a morale boost. Yes, some have been peculiar and very immature, but others have been extremely wise and have become great friends. The physical attraction and chemistry are lovely, but it’s the youthful outlook and optimism that I’m drawn most to. I have found the men my age have a tendency to be jaded and after my divorce that is the last thing I want to have in my life. Yes, ladies, the world is full of young interesting men who truly are attracted to us older ladies!

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