Submitted by Delaine
When I first started dating after divorce, I felt like I’d arrived on another planet. Not just cause I had no idea how to date again, but because it quickly became apparent that a new ‘phenomena’ had come to town since I’d last visited: Young Men Seeking Older Women. And oh yeah – their holsters were full.
If you’re anything like I was back then, you may frown and tsk tsk at the mere thought of dating or even meeting with a younger man. God knows I had “rules” – and lots of them. After all, good, decent women of a ‘certain age’ should only good, stable men of a ‘certain age.’ Right?
But combine hormonal surges with temptations and opportunities (and ok, maybe a couple of drinks), and low and behold my Old Rule Book got rewritten. Not burnt – just revised, with a special-edition chapter on self-exploration with the Young Man Kind.
So for those you adjusting to singlehood or sitting on the fence of ‘Could I? Should I?,’ here are a few pointers of wisdom and encouragement from a responsible mom AND Sexual being who belly laughed her way onto the ‘dark side’ a few times…
1) Don’t act surprised when he shows interest in you! Whether he’s staring at you in a bar, buying you drinks or emailing you on dating sites, his interest in you, believe it or not, is not unusual or freaky in today’s day in age. So don’t act all aghast. He’s serious and he’s playing a card; play it cool.
2) Don’t think of you as being the only lucky one – HE IS TOO! Yes, on a superficial level, it might be an ego rub for the older woman, but c’mon, how many younger men only DREAM of being with an older woman? He not only reeps the rewards of your divine company and intelligent conversation, he gains access to learning new skills in the love-making department. What young man DOESN’T want that? Besides, do you remember how immature and fickle you were as a young woman? Maybe there’s something to him wanting to spend time with an older woman!
3) Own your decision and let your inner vixen shine, stretch marks, c-section scars, cellulite and all. He’s about to be devoured by an older woman – do you REALLY think he’s caring how your triceps compare to an 18 year old’s?
4) If you fall into bed right away, don’t be too quick to assume it was a one-nighter only. If you both really enjoyed it, why not make it ongoing, if not a friends with benefits scenario. Think of it this way, two weeks after your rendezvous when you’re all worked up again, what sounds more appealing – Pink Bugsy Boy in the drawer or lovely eager flesh and blood young man?
5) Don’t be so quick to judge – you never know how a relationship can evolve or when Cupid might show up. Sure, lots of younger men may be too immature for serious relationship consideration, but you know what? Some ARE mature – more so than men YOUR age. Just keep the ‘Options’ door open, even if just a crack.
6) Though the age difference might be staggering to you, when you get him back to your place, DON’T offer to make him a snack and treat him like he’s five.:) He’s not looking at you in a ‘motherly ‘ way, so for gosh sake, don’t act like one!
Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com