Ten Tips for the Love-Go-Round

Submitted by: Big Little Wolf

Ten tips on love?

LegsCatchy, isn’t it? If only it were that simple – as easy as a sound bite, or the Idiot’s Guide to Love – ways to hop on and off the love-go-round and grab that brass ring once and for all. Step right up! Great love, loyalty, passion! And a no-boredom money-back guarantee!

We all want tips on love. Practical advice to help the guy get the girl, to rekindle the marital relationship, or to heal the broken heart.

Possible?

When it comes to love (in all its incarnations), I feel like a veteran of foreign wars. And I know I’m not alone in that.

Plenty of us feel like we deserve a purple heart for heroic deeds, skirmishes survived, and past service. So… is that it? Am I done? Are you?

Hmm. As for me, probably not. You never know what might be just around the corner – online, at the local Starbucks, or your favorite bookstore. But I don’t think there are easy tips, at any age.

Surprise, surprise

When you’ve been through romance, marriage, divorce, possibly remarriage – hopefully you get a little wiser. I know I’ve learned a few things. Among them, that we can all be (happily) surprised! Last spring I was talking on the phone to my 75-year old aunt, widowed after forty years of marriage. She’d met someone, and was in love. How cool is that?

My OMG moments this week were overflowing with mixed emotions. I sent one teen off to college, just as I was processing the shock over my 16-year old’s blossoming babe magnet status. I’m holding my breath, on all counts…

A simpler approach

I don’t think love is ever simple. Not parental love, not friendship love, and certainly not romantic love in all its holding-handsshades and variations.

Ten tips on love? Don’t think so. But I do believe we can give ourselves a better chance at finding and keeping love, with a few things I’ve picked up along the way.

  • Know yourself. The more you know about what melts your heart, the easier it is to let down your guard. And if your gut is telling you to walk away, do it. Quickly.
  • Statistics and logistics. It’s common sense. If you live where the ratio of potential partners is in your favor, you stand a better probability of meeting someone to love. Four hours apart and six kids between you? The logistics aren’t in your favor.
  • Social and communication skills. If you’re outgoing and easy to talk to, you’re more likely to engage and be engaged, so the odds go up of meeting all kinds of people, including potential partners. Listening and talking (both) will help sustain a relationship, once you’re in it. Or let you know it’s time to move on.
  • Most of us have a physical type – whatever the reason for it, I think it tends to stick. Going against type – physically – may leave you wanting. (Personally, I think it’s a mistake to go against physical type, unless sex is unimportant to you.)
  • We also have an emotional type – though it changes as we gain experience and our perceptions evolve. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons that people don’t mate for life – and shouldn’t be faulted for it. Needs change. It’s neither good nor bad. It just “is.”

ShoesFeathersWhat more can I offer?

After a pretty exhausting week of goodbyes, hellos, more goodbyes, too many trips to the airport, too many tears on the train – I think it’s Bloody Mary time, heavy on the fresh ground pepper.

Other than that, all I can offer is a sense of humor (on a good day), and hot shoes, anytime – just in case…

© D A Wolf

BigLittleWolfThese days, Big Little Wolf (”Ms. Big”) reflects on life and her Daily Plate of Crazy, where she writes essays on everything – sometimes serious, sometimes fun – whatever strikes her on a given day as interesting, unusual, entertaining, or of concern.

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    Yeah, veteran of foreign wars and ended up on the losing side. Don’t I feel the fool. Maybe in a few months I’ll feel better about it all. Tonight, though? I want to hang it all up and never speak to another man as long as I live.
    That’ll change, but it is how I feel tonight.
    Nice post. I want the legs, the stocking and the shoes of that first picture. Screw the love. LOL!

  2. 2

    says

    I’ve certainly been where you are. More than once. It’s particularly hard when someone sets out to sweep you off your feet, bring you into his life, and set expectations (through actions) that a future is in the offing.

    Frankly, disappointment goes with the territory of almost-loving and actually loving. Perhaps it is more acute post-divorce; we’re somehow more vulnerable and more wary.

    Take time to grieve and to heal, to scream and be angry. Larn the lessons (there are always lessons), and when you’re ready, get back out there. Love is a bitch. It’s also the best stuff around.

    And as for those legs… amazing how any legs look great in black hose and hot heels. Especially when the pleasure is all about pleasing ourselves first, and then sharing the wealth.

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