First Time Encounter: The Weakening, Sensual Touch of a Man
December 8, 2009 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Between The Sheets, Dating & Sex, NoMore, Women's Sexuality
Submitted by Delaine
She said that within seconds of meeting him, she knew she was attracted to him. And over the next two hours as they sat laughing and talking on their first date, their chemistry was so intense, it was palpable….
But somehow…somehow, she sensed there was something different about this man. There was just ‘something’ in his energy…the way he looked at her…the way he held himself. And when he unexpectedly reached across the restaurant table and cupped her cheek with his large hand, her response was frightfully strong…
Eyes closed, she nestled her cheek into his palm, lost in the exploration of his fingers. He didn’t hesitate – he knew to immediately get up and slide down in the booth beside her while she was still semi-dazed. He turned his body to her; she found herself oh so close and oh so buried by his energy and massive, hard chest. He lifted her chin and and drew her mouth to his…a soft yet powerful kiss. And though a thought in her head quickly protested, You’re in a restaurant, get control of yourself!, she couldn’t stop. She was lost in the command of his taste and touch; he was making her his, as if he knew he could meet her every need.
They went back to her place soon after, something she wasn’t properly prepped for – kids’ toys were all over the place. But the only thing he noticed was her. ”Show me where you want to go,” he whispered. She pointed…and he lead.
The next few hours they shared were amazing; an exploration…an intimate dance that they alone choreographed impromptu. It’s not that he knew any special manoeuvres, she explained to me thoughtfully. Nor was the sex ’wild’ or kinky in any outrageous way. She said it was all because of his touch…there was just something different about it: strong, sensual, urgent, patient. Even emotional. How did he know to touch me like that? she wondered. He touched me in ways unlike any other. And I hardly even know him.
Afterwards, she felt compelled to ask him questions - for over the past few years since divorcing she’d had other lovers. She’d experienced ‘amazing’ sex with some, too. But not amazing like THAT. Are you always like this with new lovers? she asked, wondering what he made of it all.
He said that he’s not one to normally to fall into bed with a woman so quickly. But when he does bed a woman, whether it’s for the short term or long, he not only gives her his body, he opens his heart to her. To him, ‘loving’ a woman sexually, means tuning into to her deeper needs in the moment - her eyes, her non-verbal communication, her presence, her pauses…and then matching them, responding to them, answering them, and challenging them. He said he couldn’t properly do that if he remained in the physical realm alone – making love to her required his heart and soul. “All I did tonight was mirror and answer the passion, the need, I felt from you, ” he said.
After hearing my friend’s story, I admit I feel both happy and a bit envious of her (OK. perhaps a tad aroused, too). And when I compare it to first times I’ve had with men since divorcing, I can’t help but contrast it. For even though I’ve had great sex with men first time round, our connection was, for the most part, sexual; it was passionate, but driven by formidable lust and physical connection, not sensuality or something deeply intuitive or soul-stirring.
Now, I can’t help but wonder: Did my friend possess something special about her that enabled him to read her, know her, give himself to her? Was she open in ways many women aren’t? Did her sensuality somehow trigger a natural response in him?
Or…might it be that this man was of a rare breed? I’m not sure I think most men even capable of making love to a woman like that, not just during their first night together, but EVER.
Whatever the case may be, I sure hope it happens to me some day, even if just once. And I strongly suspect other women might secretly feel the same…
Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
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Beautiful. Finding love like that is strong and powerful.
To say a man like this is a rare breed, is missing the second part to this two part story.
Yes, it is very true, that he does what few men do. He listened with his heart, and provided a very warming, comforting and strengthening presence.
She, melted, and was engulfed in this.
He did, what defines love. To listen, to touch, to respond to the movements, to be what the woman wants the most. Attentive, passionate, and fully engulfed in her.
But to say, that he alone did this, would be wrong. She responded, and allowed him to reflect what she wanted most.
He may humbly state, that all he did was mirror, and respond. But this is what provides for a true passion and love, to be in unison. He understood this.
The wonderful thing about women wanting something like this, is that it is innate in all women. What fails to happen, is the man has to be willing to look outside of himself. And women, just desire to find someone who is willing to do that, and maintain it. Once he does this, everything becomes amazing. And, something that no man or women, would ever want to give up once learned.
And the ones who have, live by the need to live passionately, and want to do so with someone, who will relish in it, and want to share in this passion and never let it go.
I had this kind of experience as a first – right after my divorce, in fact. To say that it has now set the bar at a ridiculously high level is putting it mildly. I’m actually having a difficult time getting over it since the connection has been lacking in every man since. In my situation, though, he wasn’t able to sustain the intimacy. When my expectations increased, his instinct to run increased…not quite what I needed after divorce.
I don’t think you – or any woman who hasn’t experienced this – are deficient in any way. I think sometimes things happen in our lives that we can’t control. that we shouldn’t control. This sounds like one of them. Nor do we have control over it NOT happening! I am trying to take my own experience as a lesson of what IS possible out there. I’m not sure why it happened when it did, but I learned from it – that is for sure!
You expressed that beautifully Travis. But what I don’t understand is: why aren’t more men like this? Especially if, at the core, it’s what women crave and perhaps even need.
I wonder if this is something that men are born with or if it can be learned. And if it can be learned – this ability to look and feel both within and outside themselves, why aren’t we teaching it? (I’m smiling as I write this but I’m rather serious!)
Has the division between men and women become so extreme that this ‘ability’ has been knocked or scared out of them? Have women women become so phsyically/sexually driven that men can’t intuit or read them anymore? Was this connection more common between lovers in past, but North American society has blungeoned it out of us?
I’m asking questions I haven’t got the answers to…but I do know this: us women hear about Latino men and French men romancing them and making them ‘swoon’ – and many of us still respond to it. In other words, I think this ‘need’ continues to exist within us, even if it hasn’t been responded to.
@Lara – I can only imagine how high the bar would be raised after such an experience, Lara, and how disappointing and frustrating it must be to try to find some semblance of it again. Nonetheless, what a gift that you have experienced it…and I hope the reason the universe gave you a taste of it was to prepare you for a similar man that DOES meet all your expectations.
These are the only kind of men I date now. No, they are NOT rare, unless you believe they are.
These kind of men are very in touch with their emotions, their heart. They are sensitive. Yet they are very masculine at the same time. They are balanced. They have a very high “vibe”.
To meet a man like this, you have to be the same….. have a vulnerable heart, be highly sensitive, match his masculinity with your femininity, and have a high positive vibe, especially if you want to keep him. He is sensitive and will cling to every word you say, so never ever hurt him in any way.
This is why my relationships with these men are so difficult for me. Every time you let your insecurities get the best of you, you are pulling your energy down and you can’t keep up with the great energy of the relationship. It helps to have a strong spiritual base to keep yourself positive. If you don’t, you can’t keep him. I believe the term “the one that got away” applies here, he’s the one you will remember the rest of your life.
Good news is that, you can meet these types of men more than once in a lifetime if you know what to look for, and don’t settle. You get better at knowing how to handle this type of relationship, and then you meet one that you can keep! For me it took 3 tries.