That Blissful Moment of Physical Merging…
February 9, 2010 by delainem
Filed under Dating & Sex
Submitted by Delaine
Today I want to talk about a moment during sex that many of you probably haven’t analyzed before: that is, the moment of initial physical mergence. Cause you see, a close divorcing girlfriend of mine recently took a new lover whose ‘entrance’ made her roll her eyes…with annoyance.
To use an analogy, his ongoing technique resembled a Samsung Sewing Machine flicked on at high speed: da-da-da-da-da – you get the picture. Even when she gave him subtle hints of what she wanted, ie, murmuring to ”go slow’ or holding him tight and close, he quicktailed it back into fast-gear.
As my girlfriend and I discussed this ‘never-been-talked-about-before’ topic, we both agreed on one thing: this wondrous moment is best approached slowly – at least to the point where there is ‘pause’. Cause the initial moment of conjoining, of being filled and consumed, is one where our longing and arousal turn into surrender - we have offered the deepest part of our physical Self to another being. Even if it’s non-love sex, this is one of the most powerful and intense moments a couple can share.
We’d both assumed that men felt much the same way about it; that knowing that a woman was giving herself to him, that he was now connected to her and her sweet pleasure was his to enjoy, was a realization AND sensation he intuitively needed to fully savor.
So now, as my girlfriend and I continue to explore this vast, semi-wacky world of dating/sex post-divorce, I can’t but wonder: Do most people think there is a ‘right’ way and a ‘wrong’ way for a man and women to conjoin? Did we wrongly assume that this moment was as special to men as it is to women? And oh no – how many more men out there think this is how women like it?
My girlfriend was well-aware that she might have explained her needs to him more clearly. You know – maybe talked about it with him in the afterglow of a session: or clearly, yet seductively stated what she wanted while wearing something lacy…
But the truth was that she wasn’t that into him anyway and felt too impatient to invest the extra effort. As she put it: “There’s some things a 41-year-old woman shouldn’t have to say to a full-grown man.”
What do you think?
Delaine www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
Other articles:
Men go into this moment with one of two thoughts. One, we will be in control and focus on you (Allowing for us to listen and know everything that is happening to you) or two, that moment is about themselves.
This is what you referring too. He wasn’t there for her. He was there for himself. If he was, that moment would of been equal in absolute hotness.
This is something that takes practice. And sometimes it takes an “ah ha!” moment. were they realize the benefits of doing that. Many, don’t even know that it can be quite intense for themselves, and are used to just “getting it done” and getting the end result.
My girlfriend was well-aware that she might have explained her needs to him more clearly. You know – maybe talked about it with him in the afterglow of a session: or clearly, yet seductively stated what she wanted while wearing something lacy…
This assumes that it was something she needed to do to have this happen… Nope… He just needed to step out of himself and focus on her. You can tell him all you want (wearing anything you want) about what your interested in, and he still will only see what he will get out of it, unless he really focus’s on you
And it will be night and day, whether or not the guy is completing into you and wanting to make sure that moment has all kinds of level’s of hotness.
In a way I’m kind of surprised by your comment Travis. Cause what you’re saying is that men’s sexual behavior is conscious and deliberate…and some part of me sort of assumed it was driven by stupidity/ignorance, yet good intentions (pertaining to this issue anyway). It’s eye-opening anyway – gives selfishness its proper label,that’s for sure.
Oh, I wouldn’t even imply that it wasn’t… It’s very conscious and deliberate. They will either be all about you (and doing so it will become “we”) or it will be all about themselves, and you may get lucky.
Travis, one of the most wonderful men I’ve ever known was the worst lover I’ve had. He was totally blind when it came to the fact that he lacked certain skills.
I think he assumed that if it was good for him, then it must be good for the person he was with. That, to me is ignorance not him deliberately focusing on his pleasure alone. Arrogant ignorance, but ignorance.
There are men who believe that if they show up and perfom they have thrilled their woman. Men who would be surprised to learn that it takes more than a penis and a willing partner.
Maybe though, on some level those men are selfish. One has to wonder how a man or woman could live in today’s society and not know that just showing up doesn’t mean you are going to please.
Cathy, deliberate wouldn’t necessarily apply in his case then. But, he is very much aware that he is going into it, making sure he reaches the end result, and maybe he is thinking, as you have said, that if it’s good for him, it will be good for her. Which is still selfish, even if it is due to ignorance (which still sounds hokey to me… but that’s just me). Once he learns that he is selfish though, through teaching and getting feedback from the partner. then his attempts will be deliberate.
I’m a strong believer in flipping your above statement, by saying, “If it is good her, it will be good for him.”
Though I think that under certian circustances slow is not the way to go (ie: quickie or role-playing), the moment should always be ‘intense’. It is the one of the most awesome moments during sex, almost right up there with orgasm (I said almost). In my books, nothing beats a lovely deep kiss at the same time.
Well, I am happy I stopped by to check in my favorite bunch of ladies. First, I will be right back, I need to take a cold shower ………………………………………………………
Ok. back now.
Bottom line….guy is a bad lover. before I go on, none of you can forward this to my kids….good.
Of course this is coming from a guy who thinks one of the best things in the world is to spoon naked (I’ll take the back please). All skin, complete contact, and often times, both know, or can feel
, when the temperature is rising.
Not that a quickie isn’t fun once in a while, but I agree that if done right, and very slow, nothing and I mean nothing compares with the “moment of initial physical mergence”. I’m gonna stop there…..