Unusual Bedroom Behavior: Signs A Spouse May Be Cheating
March 11, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Editor's Picks, Infidelity, NoMore
It was only in hindsight that Gail realized that signs of her husband’s cheating had been present for months: in the bedroom.
“Out of blue, he kept trying a new sexual position,” said Gail. “I thought maybe he’d seen it in a movie or something. ‘C’mon,’ he’d say, ‘Just put these pillows under your hips, I know you’ll love it.’ And when I tried it – and didn’t like it much - he acted completely disgusted, like there was something wrong with me. Guess he assumed that since ’she’ loved it, I would too…”
For Deana, it was her husband’s suddenly-slow ability to orgasm. “A few times when we’d made love, I’d even thought, ‘Wow, this is taking a lot longer than normal’ And “Strange this is taking so long cause he’s been out of town for weeks.’ But I guess that’s what happens when you’re getting your fill, plus some, with someone else.”
Other ‘bedroom warnings’ of a cheating spouse could include:
1) a surge in sex drive
2) less eye-contact/ kissing during sex, and preference for positions where they aren’t possible
3) a decline or disinterest in sex
4) disinterest in cuddling afterwards
5) a new vanity in his body: he may parade himself (and a certain body-part) around as if ‘he’s the man’, or:
6) concealing his body, always covering up when naked and/or dressing in another room
Obviously, none of these signs are a sure sign of cheating. Afterall, most individuals and couples go through ‘phases’ in the bedroom, and disconnect sometimes happens, right?
But both Gail and Deana agree that they wished they’d paid more attention to their intuitive response at the time - some part of them KNEW something was off, but had made excuses for their husbands’ behaviors and dismissed it.
“It’s not about being paranoid,” said Gail. “It’s about trusting your sixth sense. And at the end of the day, no matter how we try to convince ourselves otherwise, we usually know when there is disconnect in the bedroom.”
Did signs of your partner’s cheating show up in your bedroom? How? And did you address it at the time? Have you been able to move past the sick feeling it creates in your stomach? Please feel free to add your experiences or ask questions below.
Delaine www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
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My ex spent two months in Italy one summer…it was work related. When he came home not only was he like a tootsie roll pop in bed, it took three days to get him into bed. Who spends two months away from their wife and doesn’t immediately take her to bed when he gets back? The guy who has been cheating!
Sad thing is, I made excuses for the behavior. I was so dense that it didn’t even occur to me that he might be cheating until a few years after our divorce. Good thing about that is that I was past the point of caring what he had done during those two months.
There was a dramatic change in my ex’s bedroom behavior prior to his telling me he wanted a divorce. And of course I was made to feel completely inadequate. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, he was able to convince me he was not having an affair. It’s amazing how we will let ourselves believe what we want to believe. To this day, I still feel nauseous thinking about that period of my life.
On the upside though (if there could possibly be and upside) he might get better at it. I think I would agree that sudden changes in the bedroom would signal something was up. It would also seem to signal that things had gotten pretty average in there that small things are noticed.
I’ve certainly learned that how a couple connects in the bedroom is way more important that what I used to think. I thought that if things were going ‘ok’ in other areas of our lives but not in bed, that our relationships, overall, was doing well. I’m not sure where I got that beleif from. Turns out it was dead wrong, and the bedroom was the first place that signs of trouble turned up. Too bad I wasn’t paying attention.
Sage, I don’t know about him ‘getting better at it’ because he’s praticing with someone else. I think he’ll more often end up showing his disappointment or disgust in his wife if she doesn’t respond as enthusiastically as his new lover. Moreover, by having great sex with someone else it can inevitably affect the way he and his wife DO connect in bed – the intimacy factor. I don’t know – energetically, something gets broken, it’s just a matter of intuiting it and trusting one’s intuition.