Ask The Divorce Coach: Unable To Let Go Of Ex

get over ex
Dear Shelley,
Why is it that I just can’t seem to let go of my ex-husband?  I literally stress myself out about it. Especially now that I know that he’s happy and engaged. Am I ever going to be happy? We recently got divorced in May of this year.



Dear Rachel,

Have you accepted your new reality?  Are you in full acceptance of the fact that your husband is no longer your husband?  Do you still find yourself thinking about what could have been or should have been?  Are you resisting reality?
Resistance to ‘what is’ versus what you think ‘should be’ will keep you stuck and unable to move forward.  Imagine yourself in a fast flowing river, swimming against the flow or current of that river?  Is it tiring?  Is it hard?  Is it scary?  Could you possibly drown?
Now imagine that you have surrendered to the flow of that river’s direction?  Speaking metaphorically, to the direction of your life?  Is there relief?  Peace?  Are you seeing new sites and new possibilities now?
Acceptance is the step before letting go.  Acceptance of what you life is now versus what it was or what you think it was supposed to be.  Acceptance of the fact that life is forever changing and offering us new challenges.  Acceptance of what you can and cannot control  or change in life.  Acceptance of the fact that the only thing we can really control in life is how we choose to deal with what life hands us.
You sound as if you are still in the grieving stage of this massive life transition with all of the attendant feelings that come with grieving.  That will change in time and with efforts on your part to heal.  Try placing your attention on the things that serve you and move you forward.  Try to see where this experience might gift you with new knowledge and tools for handling life better.  Look for the gifts that night be hidden to you right now.  Just because you cannot see them at this moment in time does not mean that they don’t exist.  You’re still stuck in the river.
Warm regards,
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to:
Other Articles:
Choices?  Or Sacrifices?
“I Grew Balls” – How One Woman Confronted The ‘Other Woman” To Find The Truth


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