Ladies, how do you reply to married men on dating sites?
June 14, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Dating & Sex, NoMore, Online Dating
Submitted by Delaine
Oh, the wild and wacky world of e-dating. You’d think that by now, I’d be used to the insanity of it having been on and off sites for almost three years. But THIS message, just in, STILL caught me off guard:
Hi gorgeous! You are one fine looking lady, phew! lol. Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Money’s no object. I’m married but good-looking and I’m rich LOL. My number is (780) &&&-****. Hurry up now..I’m waiting LOL.
Now I’ve received numerous emails from married men since going online. But for the most part, I’ve usually just ignored them (rolled my eyes and deleted). And luckily, most men take that as “Not interested. Go away.” But when I received the above email, I was in a bad mood and it irritated the heck out of me. So I replied:
Might I suggest you hold your breath while you wait?
And as soon as I hit the send button, I felt MUCH better.
Don’t get me wrong - I’ve been much heavier handed than that: I’ve pounded out the odd expletive ending with the word “off.” And yet on one other occasion, I took the time to sarcastically reply: Right…so you’re married and obviously unhappy yet you want me to help you figure out your screw-up head with my time and potentially my heart. Gee, how appealing.
Ah but ladies…the married man is a persistent breed, is he not? And sometimes if we communicate with him at all, in ANY manner, he sees it as an invitation to keep trying; he wants what he can’t have, right? “Oh, you’re so fiery! Now I REALLY want to meet you!” or “God, I’d bet you be so hot in bed!” they’ll come back with. ANYTHING to prop a door open. And why not? I guess in their minds they have nothing to lose.
So tell me ladies if and how you’ve dealt with married men during your online adventures - any good one-line comebacks? Any horror stories to tell?
Cause rest assured that in this vast online world, not only do such lowly creatures prowl, so too, do their more manipulative counterparts: the ones who downright lie and pretend they’re single. Even my MOM dated one of those. And gutsy lady she is, when she found out he was married (they were out at a fancy social event), she walked right up to him in her classy dress, wine glass in hand…
AND poured it on him!
Delaine www.iamdivorcednotdead.com
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When You’re Kind of a Chameleon, How Do You Know What “Type” You Like?
The Dating “Gloom & Doom” Bandwagon
Nah, I wouldn’t bother to respond to people like this. You won’t gain anything from trying to ‘change’ them via a few words of wisdom or sarcasm or anything else. My advice is to not even give these married men a second thought. I kind of think it is up to us to protect ourselves and benchmark higher for more valuable, more suitable people than these guys-why take garbage just because it is on offer. Even by scripting a good reply/witty comeback to these guys is like taking the bait. Remember, they are fishing for attention…just swim on by.
I would say: “You are scum. Where are your morals? You should be ashamed.”
And then I would block him.
I agree with Lucky that it’s best just to ignore them like they’re insignificant minions – at the same time, I’m more inclined to respond to them like you, Sonia. I get tired of being the polite, bigger person… and I think that if infidelity was a cause of your own divorce, the trigger is there, waiting to go off. I’ve no problem with other married men getting the tail end of that:)
Well I would say I don’t get involved with married men …I wish my husbands “lady” friend has had the integrity to say that..oh I forgot she married as well and her husband is still clueless..he really thinks she’s running and biking for health..lol
This may be easy for me to say cause I’m still married (and happily) but if I were dating online and a man came on that strong, wouldn’t let me be and barraged me with emails, I can see myself stringing him along and meeting him only so that I could expose him!!!
I must admit, I find this phenomenon so odd. I can’t decide which strikes me as more bizarre – those who are married and online, and are upfront about it, or those who string you on for a bit, and then tell you.
The former, I ignore. The latter, I’m old enough to “sense” – usually. And also not online anymore!!
Look ladies, I guess you all have never been in a relationship where you are bored, with a person who might have changed, are very unhappy, but you are trying to stick it out maybe because of children. You might have been in this relationship for many years, making the whole idea of dating or meeting someone new nearly impossible. Maybe you are looking for that woman to show you the light at the end of the tunnel of the whole divorce thing. Maybe you are looking for that woman that you will fall in love with again and be the stick that breaks the cammels back and makes you get a divorce.
marriedguy, any self-respecting woman is not interested in a married man. Any woman worth respecting and loving is not going to become involved with a married man.
You want to meet a woman who will “make” you get a divorce? Shouldn’t that decision be your decision and not one based on whether you have someone to go to if you divorce.
Are women supposed to feel so sorry for you that you are in an unhappy marriage that they throw their morals and values away? Being married will make it nearly impossible to meet someone new. In fact, if I’m not mistaken being married means NOT looking for someone new.
It sounds like you want it both ways…marriage and the ability to play around while deciding if you really want a divorce. Just doesn’t work that way for most.
I just ran across this article and I couldn’t resist sharing my opinion just like everyone else!
Thanks to Cathy for laying it on the line and you are right, any self-respecting woman would not get involved with a married man. Why is it that when a person is feeling trapped in a marriage that the first thing they think of doing is having an affair? Or finding that “special” someone? I’m sorry to say but those type of people whether a man or woman are narcissistic. I would like to suggest that instead of spending the time, money and effort on someone new that we spend our resources on fixing the marriage so that both the husband and wife can have their needs met. Otherwise, making any other choice is going to destroy so many lives in the process of their selfishness!