Submitted by Delaine
As I read through his lengthy profile on the dating site, I found myself laughing out loud. It was written with such good humor that I assumed THIS line was too:
“What I don’t like:
1) Women who date younger men in the hopes of hiding from the fact they are OLD.
2) Women who judge me cause I date younger women, cause well… let’s face it, I’m cool. LOL
But when I jokingly teased him about these statements, I found out he meant them seriously. He wrote:
“We all know that women are a lot more mature than men so it’s no big deal for us to date younger. But when you flip it, the only thing that’s going on is pathetic older women f***ing boys. That’s sick!”
Now whoa! That wasn’t just harsh, it was hostile. And I wondered: Do a lot of men (perhaps over age 35?) share his sentiments? Where does this hostility coming from? And most importantly, can men’s feelings be changed or at least softened? Cause I don’t think this social phenomena is going to disappear any time soon…
If men brand every woman out there who dates/has dated a younger man ‘pathetic’, almost every one of my divorced girlfriends (myself included) would be branded. But I know none of us have regrets for our actions. We were reacclimatizing to the dating trenches, we were determined to get ‘back out there’ and move our lives forward, hormones were racing, opportunities knocked, and hello! Sometimes we answered! ALL the dating/sex we experienced, whether our partners were younger OR older, was serving a purpose: exploring the new Women under construction. Moreover, the bottom line is that SEX FEELS GOOD – do we really need to justify who we have it with?
To me, it makes sense that the ‘older women/ younger man phenomena’ has increased in popularity. I mean, socially, we have more divorced or single women out there dating again than ever before. And as fully grown women who are more than capable of making good decisions for themselves, why shouldn’t they take more than peek around at what’s available?
At the same time, I understand men’s ‘resistance’ to it: the roles and identities of women in our society continue to change, and this means it calls men’s roles/identities into question, too; they’re confused as hell! I’ll even take it astep further: I bet being looked over and replaced by younger men hurts older men – at the ego and heart level, that is. Suddenly they find themselves questioning their less-than-taunt waistlines; maybe the wrinkles they see in the mirror don’t look so ruggedly handsome anymore either. It’s hard to be judged so superficially, isn’t it? How can you not take it personally?
Of course, these are feelings that women have been experiencing for eons…but this isn’t about balancing out wrongs committed. But what I DO see as a wrong is men then resorting to name-calling and sweeping stereotypes about women should they date a younger man.
So while we continue on within this chaos of social change and upheaval, where gender roles, relationships, and values are metamorphosing, I ask that these men ask themselves this: Do you REALLY think women dating/having sex with younger men is ‘pathetic’? Could it be that it’s touching on your own insecurities instead? Or at the core, is this more about you having a problem with women having the liberty to have non-sex love?
Cause a woman’s ‘sexual purity’ should NOT be used as the measuring stick of her overall character and value as a human being. And until such time as our society recognizes THAT fact, I don’t think the sexes will ever be at peace with one another.
Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com