Dating After Divorce: Are You Waiting for the Perfect Man?
June 13, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Dating & Sex, From The Dating Trenches, cathymeyer
Submitted by: Cathy
I’m old enough to know better, definitely smart of enough to know better but, I did it just the same. What? Shortly after my divorce I made a list of all the qualities my “perfect” man would have. Why did I do it? Because, it is something us women do regardless of how old or how smart we are.
My perfect man…
1. Is taller than five feet ten inches. What can I say, I like a man I can look up to.
2. Is not shinny. I prefer a man who has some meat on him. I’m quite zaftig and a larger man makes me feel “smaller.” It is a huge dose of denial on my part but it works.
3. Is financially viable. I do not want to support a freeloader, no matter how delicious he is. I don’t need him to take care of me but he better be able to take care of himself.
4. Is funny…I need a man who can laugh at life, himself and WITH me. It doesn’t pay to take things too seriously, especially in relationships with the opposite sex.
5. Is honest…about age, marital status, toupees, illnesses, children, criminal record, sexual diseases, and sexual oddities and FICO score.
6. May need Viagra and that is fine. Just don’t complain about the cost.
7. Must love dogs, especially my dogs.
8. Likes to read and share what he is reading in bed.
9. Has a commonality of beliefs and cultural background.
10. Has a good image of himself, is creative, loves his children, and has a life of his own.
Over the years I’ve dated men I met online, men my friends fixed me up with and men I managed to meet while squeezing melons or networking for my career. I’ve discovered one thing, there is no “perfect” man. Not my idea of perfect for me anyway.
I’ve also discovered that compromise and tolerance is needed and now have a new list, one full of compromise and tolerance. We are all, after all imperfect but in some very delicious ways!
My New Perfect Man…
1. Height is not that important to me anymore. If he is worth having I will look up to him no matter how tall.
2. What does it matter if a man is skinny or fat? Note to self: Consider a tummy tuck. That will help with the zaftig thing.
3. Honesty… if he wears a toupee or has a pacemaker, I can live with that.
3. Commonality of beliefs…still important. Although, a nice Italian or Catholic man is looking better by the month.
6. If he needs Viagra… I’ll chip in and won’t complain about the cost.
Does my revised list mean I’m settling? Nah, it means I’ve learned from experience. I’ve grown up and broadened my horizons. I no longer need the “perfect” man to come to my rescue. I don’t need a man at all because I have me and as it turns out there is more to like in a man than how tall he is how fat his or what kind of pension plan he has.
More Articles:
Needing To Date “Challenging” Men – Is This A Good Or Bad Thing?
Lists have always bugged me, but I did realize that women redefine their lists when the list fails to actually give them the man they wanted. The list starts to point out true qualities they want in a man. And mostly, that’s a good heart, strength to pick her up emotionally, to hug, to love, to be a true man.
And not a bunch of itemized lists of things that will not tell you a dang thing about him. Lists tend to list what “things” they want the man to bring to the table in his efforts to bring the woman to the top of other lists.
The one thing that I’ve seen not on a list, but have found to be at the top of their “shadow” list is the ability to hug. and to hug often.
This of course is just from my experience trying to fit lists that never made sense to me.
I love hugs but only if I’m being hugged by someone I want hugging me. Funny I didn’t put that on my list. I think it goes without saying. Or is an assumption on my part that any man I’m interested in would also be interested in the touchy feely stuff.
Of course, we all know what they say about assuming and based on my experience with an ex who avoided intimacy you would think that I would not make that assumption.
I think I need to revise my list again!
I’m learning that a list may not be a bad thing. At the top of mine is a man who is a church goer. Since I’m dating someone right now who doesn’t, it’s becoming more apparent how important this is to me.