Living Alone and Becoming “Set in Our Ways” After Divorce
Submitted by Delaine
I’ve always believed it’s healthier to stay single for awhile after divorce verses throwing ourselves into another serious relationship; divorce is a huge life transition and requires time to process.
But while lunching with some girlfriends this past weekend, Hali, my best friend warned: “I think people have to be careful not to get too used to being on their own after divorce. I was only single again for six months, and already I was thinking in terms of MY space, MY things, and doing things MY way.”
My other girlfriend Nikki, 38, and never married, agreed: “I’ve been single so long, I know I’m set in my ways. Sometimes I question if I could ever live with a man…”
Afterward, I started wondering: If we go years without another partner after divorce, are we at risk of becoming too independent – too set in our ways? Does our age have bearing? Does it cause us to be more rigid and habitual?
I’ve grown accustomed to living without a man these past two years. And I like having the closet and dresser to myself. And I like the down-time I have on my own – I think most people do.
But I don’t think I’m becoming ‘rigid’ in my ways – if anything, meeting the changing needs and schedules of my three kids keep me supple, not to mention my work schedule! I think all I’ve done since I got divorced is adapt, so I’ll do just fine some day with a man!
Maybe it’s a lot harder if you’ve been solo a long time and have no kids in the house. I don’t know – I’m not there. So I’ll ask you” Do you think we run the risk of taking ourselves and life too seriously without the ‘chaos’ of other people in our homes?
I like to think that people are adaptive. And I also think that when the right person shares your life and home, he ‘adds’ to your life, not ‘messes it up.’
Then again, maybe I’m too ‘set’ in my thinking. : )
How Successful Will You Be, Post Divorce?