Facebook, Divorce, and You: Will Your Marriage Succumb to the Power of Technology?
July 7, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Celebs & News, Evolution, markbanschick, More Topics, Society & The Divorcee
Submitted by: Mark Banschick M.D.
Imagine: you’re on Facebook and you see that one of your friends has changed their relationship status from ‘married’ to ‘single.’ It’s always complicated to let people know about your divorce, and Facebook gives you a way (for better or worse) to let everyone know. Isn’t that easy?
Think about how easy it is to put information on Facebook, transmit it, and show it off to everyone you know (or everyone with eyes and a computer, depending on your privacy settings.) Social networking sites, like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and even World of Warcraft are becoming the new way through which divorces often start and gather momentum.
Photos, updates, and posts provide very concrete evidence of what you are doing, and the fact that you’re showing it off to the world may cause some pain to your spouse if you are the leave-er and he or she is the leave-ee. Privacy is important in protecting the other person’s dignity – and there can be hell to pay when you hurt someone more than you have to.
Technology is redefining our lives and so it is with online social networking. Self disclosure in cyberspace is now being used as evidence in some divorce cases as proof that one spouse is at fault, lying, or less fit to be taking care of the kids.
According to an article in USA today, research by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conveys that, over the last five years, 81% of divorce lawyers have either utilized or encountered evidence from social networking sites. Facebook is the most cited, appearing in 66% of cases using subpoenaed Internet evidence.
Now, the problem here is not the sites themselves. Marriages break up for the most ancient of reasons, power struggles, lack of kindness, loss of love, hurt, money problems, infidelity and the like. The Internet doesn’t cause marital problems (people do) but it can make matters worse.
Infidelity is without doubt, easier because of the sheer access to so many potential lovers. Gambling takes on new forms (like a poker addiction) found in one’s living room computer. But anonymity is not what one likes to think, because the Internet also makes it easier for the offending spouse to get caught.
The double life you try to lead on the Internet might just come back to haunt you. Lawyers know how to find information you’ve posted on social networking sites that you thought had been kept hidden. Sage advice: Like driving a car, it is a good idea to know about the power of technology before using it and finding yourself in trouble.
© mark banschick
Mark R. Banschick, M.D. is a diplomat of the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology with over 20 years of experience in child and adolescent psychiatry. The Intelligent Divorce course evolved from his work as an expert witness in custody disputes. Dr. Banschick has appeared on the CBS Early Show and has been quoted in The New York Times, The Huffington Post and firstwivesworld.com.
Dr. Mark Banschick’s book, The Intelligent Divorce is a powerful and inspirational self guided resource that will change your life and the lives of your children. Order your copy today!
Follow Mark on:
More Articles:
My ex “friended” his old high school girlfriend on Facebook. It wasn’t long before our marriage was over. She also left her husband.
It hurt like hell to begin with but I look back now and can laugh. He told me he had never stopped loving her. That she had always been his “soulmate.” He dated her for 4 months when he was a junior in high school!
He told me the only reason he married me was because he couldn’t have her. We married 6 years after they had broken up. Just crazy.
Little did I know that the entire 23 years we were married he was mooning over her. We had three children and a good relationship. He was a loving father and husband while he was with us.
A friend told me that Facebook should be out-lawed. I don’t think it had anything to do with Facebook. I think I was married to a man looking for a way out and Facebook made that easier for him.
Granted I would love to have known my husband was unhappy before it was too late to do anything about but I don’t blame Facebook for him not being able to communicate with me about his feelings.
Oh and yes, he left a trail of activity that helped me tremendously in divorce court. For my ex, finding his soulmate meant losing his common sense.
For me the internet as a hole has led to the distruction of family, You can find support for any cause you seek. Affairs,deception and secret life sheltered from your spouce and family.
Facebook to me has been “skankbook”… another porthole for your spouce to have secret meeting with past highschool sex partners and boyfriends of the past. I know one person who is not a “Friend” of my wifes on facebook… “ME”, and that allows her free access to members of the opposite sex.
You let members of the opposite sex in your circle of life they will not leave, they have no bond that comes with marriage and your children, they cannot comprehend that they are like a knife at your throat.
This internet has broken down my family one click at a time. Marriage is about commitment to your spouce, or so I thought.
In my search for answers to my wifes adultry I went all over this internet and I found many places for affairs and blogs to support affairs. Facebook is one of many sources for affairs to start, Facebook is designed for deception.
Joe, you said something I find interesting…
“You let members of the opposite sex in your circle of life they will not leave, they have no bond that comes with marriage and your children, they cannot comprehend that they are like a knife at your throat.”
I’m curious, do you feel that once a person marries they should no longer have friends of the opposite sex?
I have both female and male friends. I always have and always will. During my marriage my male friends were no threat to my husband, my family nor my marriage.
They were not and could have never been a “knife” at anyone’s throat. I was blessed with a husband I trusted and who trusted me.
Do you have absolute, 100% proof that your wife has had an affair or do you think she had an affair because she has male friends on Facebook? Maybe her refusal to talk to you and her emotional withdrawal from you is due to you accusing her of something she hasn’t done?
The affair is real I have no dought, The knife refers to the ones who where involved in the affair. Friends are not the same as secret hidden friends, past lovers.
These people entered into the affair for one reason and one reason only, She allowed it. She invited them into her circle, They have no bond as that which is the holy sacret sacrement of mairage.
The circle that my wife,children and I once held as sacret. She chose to invite these men into our life or they simply would not exist.
This has compromised a childs life and security and will forever alter their childhood and life. This is the knife I speak of. If you’ve been deceived you may know the feeling.
The problem is you never know how sacret your marriage is until something like an affair has entered. After time you realize you can never trust you spouce again and without trust your marriage is nothing.
You hope to suvive and if you do you become a better person because your world has been turned inside out and your sence of self and your soul has been raped day after day.
I can say I have no regrets because I did not cheat, I am not the one who has to look into the mirror and justify to myself every day that I am not scum, that I sacraficed my child so I may F— another.
i will like to say little about myself,but first i pray to meet a nice and honest woman here because most of the dating site have enter have not see any real woman there..i need a real woman some i can get to know and tell all she need to know about me..someone we will meet face to face not only on computer..if you want to know anything about me feel free to contact me with my personal email address below..you must be real and write me who you are..then i will write back, Am Bruno by name am a very easy going man with good heart,honest and sincere God fearing man,i hate games and lies,am a father and grand dad of 2 all i just need is a sincere woman that will be real to me,we can be friends for now may be as time goes on will can work things out for each other am not into quick relationship because have be heart broken since i separated from my ex so not anymore thanks for reading my Note: email me (alberichaslem@gmail.com) or (brunoa.aslem /at/yahooo/dot/ cum).God bless you.