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Ask The Divorce Coach: Separated & Own A Business Together
Question:
Dear Shelley:
My husband of 30 years wants a divorce. He arrived at this decision after he had an affair and I decided I wanted to separate to take time to heal. During that time he was also placed on lithium and anti-depression meds.
He recently went off the meds and began attacking me via the legal system and our joint businesses. He has become very mean.
I know he loves me but I believe this is partially about money, control, manipulation and a mid life crisis. Sometimes I think he might eventually want to come back……
1) How do I let go when I have to deal with him everyday for work? And,
2) How can I keep him from hurting me? I can NOT walk away from the business if I ever want to see my investment.
Cara
Answer:
Dear Cara,
The question becomes, do you want to let go? You say you know he loves you and yet you also mention that he had an affair, is very mean and is attacking you via the legal system. What is wrong with this picture?
You need to decide what you want your life to look like now and in the future. If he came back to you, what would your life be like with him? Would you be happy? Would the relationship be nurturing? Would he change?
Living with the thought, “He might come back eventually” will keep you stuck. Having that thought will not allow you to let go and move. It sounds to me and I could be wrong, that your marriage does not serve you and is over.
You cannot control or change him nor can you control what life has dealt you BUT you can control how you handle this situation. Keep your relationship with him for the present very businesslike. Stay away from any emotional entanglement. Set very firm boundaries that keep you safe and secure. If he attacks you verbally or abuses you emotionally…walk away but not before you explain to him that you will not accept that kind of behavior anymore and that is why you will henceforth walk away from it. Do not accept bad behavior. Set firm boundaries.
Decide what you will and will not accept in your life. What you say no to will define who you are as a person. When you say no to abuse you go from being a victim to a heroine. Talk with your lawyers and find out all the possible options that may be available to you. Do you want to be tied to him via this business forever? I don’t know the particulars but unless the two of you can create an environment that allows you to be business partners alone then you need to consider the costs to your well-being of staying in that business. I get there is an investment to protect so I speak of this within the confines of that investment.
Regards,
Shelley
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to:
http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.
Other Articles:
Choices? Or Sacrifices?
“I Grew Balls” – How One Woman Confronted The ‘Other Woman” To Find The Truth
A NEW Positive Divorce Recovery Book for Your Website Members
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