Ask The Divorce Coach: Afraid To Trust

Question:

Dear Shelley,

I’ve been divorced for a year and on my own for two, after 16 years of marriage.  I am afraid to leave my ‘safe harbor’ of my circle of family.  I continue to work at my father’s  place of employment because it is familiar and comfortable – but it barely provides enough for me financially. Reality dictates that I start thinking of how I am going to make it financially for I have a child to support.  But I fear cannot trust anyone outside my family.  I’ve had guys ask me out, but I’m too stuck trying to hold the ground I’ve got, to call them back.  I have a few friends, but feel I have to put a hero’s face on in front of them.  Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed?  Will the fears ever go away?

Shawna

Answer:

Dear Shawna,

Yes, it is all part of the process BUT it is up to you and you alone to move on in your life. You have to begin the process of taking on full responsibility for your life and your future because I promise you that no one else will do it for you.

Start taking small steps forward.  Make plans to have dinner out or a movie or whatever a couple of times a week.  Join a divorce support group where there are people who actually understand what you are feeling.  Our married friends simply cannot get it.  In order to function at your max, make certain that you are exercising to combat the effects of stress.  Try a yoga class too.  Use deep breathing techniques to quiet your mind and get yourself centered.

The question you should be asking yourself is this: What will my life look like if I never trust again?  Is that a price you are willing to pay? Just because one person has betrayed your trust does not mean that everyone will.

We fear the uncertainty of our future but no one can predict the future.  99.9% of our fears never materialize. It’s all mind chatter.  Mind chatter lies and is self-sabotaging.  Notice your m ind chatter and thank it for sharing and let it go.  If we cannot know the future there is little to be afraid of.

Try substituting fear for faith that everything will work out in your nest interests.  Perhaps this divorce has some hidden gifts that you cannot see right now.  You will access strength that you never knew you had.  You will learn valuable life lessons that will allow you to craft a new and better life.

Regards,

Shelley

Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.

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