I was married for 25 years, have been separated for six years, and now divorced for three years. I recently found out that my ex has a girlfriend, goes to her place at night, of course is having sex with her, and it is making me crazy. I cry all the time and am depressed.
Today is his birthday, and I and our kids (age 30 and 24) and him all went out to dinner. He talked a lot and even brought up some old happy times. But it seems that our daughter, the 24 year old, thinks that we shouldn’t talk and gets very upset by this. She thinks it’s wonderful that her dad has moved on. My son (the 30 year old), however, is upset and says he never wants to meet this woman. I guess my question is, why after all this time, is this still upsetting to me? By the way, I have never dated since the separation and divorce.
You have never fully let go…otherwise this would not upset you. In six years you have never ventured out to meet new people and have new experiences. You are still stuck in the past. You haven’t moved on. Is that what you want?
Your ex talking about old times means nothing other then he was talking about old times. You may have made that mean something more, like he wants it back, but that is not the truth. Six years is a long time. He is no longer your husband and what he does is his own business. Not yours.
Let it go. See what you are holding onto and determine if it is worth it. I doubt it very much. It is time to do the work of real recovery. Use this experience as an opportunity to do a deep self-assessment on yourself and heal old emotional baggage. You have only one precious life to live and it is up to you and you alone as to how you want to live it. Take back control of your life.