Is Divorce Inevitable?
August 10, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under dailyplate, Deciding to leave, Evolution, Reflections, Society & The Divorcee
Submitted by: Big Little Wolf
We’ve certainly had our fill of celebrity scandals in the past year – more than enough to fill the tabloids as we cluck our tongues and shake our heads.
We’ve been dumbstruck at the sheer number of Tiger’s infidelities. We’ve been impressed by Sandra Bullock’s class act. We’re appalled at Mel Gibson’s ravings, and saddened by the separation of former Vice President Al Gore and wife Tipper.
Yesterday I caught a news item about the divorce of Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn. The couple’s 14-year marriage ended officially this month. They have two children, 19 and 16, and have been together in a reportedly on-again off-again relationship that spanned two decades.
There were no accusations of infidelity, abuse, or anything particularly sensational (for a change). In fact, the articles I read suggest that while the couple had some publicized ups and downs – including filing for divorce previously – eventually, they just decided to call it quits.
Is this the way that marriage ends for most of us? Does it simply wear out?
I think back to my grandparents, and how devoted they seemed to be. Of course, I was a child and a teen when I was observing their interactions. I imagine there were indiscretions, and that’s what they were called back then. No one picked up a phone and dialed an attorney. At least, not in my family. In fact, my maternal grandparents were married for fifty years, and my paternal grandparents, for more than sixty.
I couldn’t say for certain whether or not my grandparents were happy, but I know they were happy some of the time. As for the rest, they were committed. They honored their vows “for better or worse,” and they honored the importance of the family unit.
Sure – it’s a different world. Life is more complex and more chaotic. There will always be extremes like Tiger and Mel, and situations of abuse or discoveries that make continuing in the marriage impossible. But for most couples, are there other forces at work?
- Does romantic love always have a shelf life?
- Are we convinced that marriage is the path to happiness?
- Do marriage and children kill off passion?
- Are our expectations so “off,” that divorce is inevitable?
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To Divorce, Or Not to Divorce?
Ask the Divorce Coach: Is it Time to Leave?
I’d do Anything to Bring Him Back!
Gosh I hope not! I’m getting ready to walk down the aisle for the second time to my first love (we were 14 then) and I don’t want to think that maybe it’s fizzling. I think people give up easy though. I don’t know if I’d say everyone cheats though and that every cheating deserves to be forgiven and moved past b/c it doesn’t. But in my own relationship I certainly helped fuel the distance The Ex and I felt that made it easy/possible for him to cheat! And that’s on me. I have to believe it’s what you put into it and if it’s not much then it will fizzle and if you’re willing to do the work then it’ll be freakin’ awesome!
Good luck with your upcoming marriage, Soccer Mom! You do raise the issue of people giving up too easily (certainly not what my grandparents’ generation would have done), and also the challenges of emotional distance.
I agree – marriage is work. Maybe those of us who have been through it once realize that more than first-timers, anyway! Sounds like you plan on doing a few things differently. Knowledge is power, as they say.
Best of luck to you both!
I’m impressed SoccerMom! It is refreshing to hear from someone who has some insight into their role in marital problems. It is that insight that will help you build a strong marriage this time around.
Congratulations and good luck!