I have been divorced for one year and I am getting better – I work, meditate, exercise, and am friends with my ex-husband. But sometimes I feel very angry at him. For example: I couldn’t afford to keep our family home, and when I went looking for a new apartment or house to rent, I kept comparing them to the wonderful home I and the children use to live in.
It just surprises me how overwhelming the anger can be sometimes and I need to know if this is normal. After all, I don’t hate my ex. I know in a divorce there is always two sides and it is both of our faults.
Also, I don’t know if this is healthy or not but sometimes I go to breakfast with him. We just talk; like I said, I don’t hate him. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks for your advice.
Try changing your perspective. Look for what might be right versus what is wrong. Create a gratitude list…a list of all the things you do have versus what you don’t have. Learn to count your blessings and know that life is made up of phases, changes. If you are prone to comparisons (which, by the way, always ends up in bad feelings) try comparing your life to those that are far less unfortunate and realize that you have everything that you need.
Let go of the past. There is no bringing it back. It simply does not exist anymore. It keeps you stuck and won’t allow you to move on. Learn to accept what is versus what you think should be. “Should be’s” are a fantasy. Life is exactly what it is supposed to be right now…if it was supposed to be any other way then it would be!
Having breakfast with your ex is fine as long as it doesn’t push any emotional buttons…for you or him! It is admirable that you two have managed to stay friends. If your meetings with him bring on any negative emotions then you might want to reconsider.
You have one precious life to live and anytime spent in resentment or bitterness is taking away your life.
Best of luck.
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.