I got divorced on September 11, 2009. I allowed this man to verbally abuse me throughout our marriage. Moreover, he didn’t even talk to my daughter and grandchildren for 10 years. I couldn’t wash his clothes good enough, wash dishes good enough, nor cook right. I found out too late he treated his first wife the same and she stayed with him for 23 years – perhaps because of their two kids, I don’t know. I told my ex-husband his body grew old but his mind never grew up.
I’m dealing with trying to forgive myself for putting me and my family through such hell. I still have flashbacks and they hurt so badly – it’s as if I’m still trapped. What do I do?
When we work towards forgiveness, we need to understand that it is the limitations and wounds of the person that we are forgiving and NOT the bad behavior. We are all human and no one is perfect, far from it. Some people carry emotional baggage that limits their ability to be their best. You did the best you could at the time with the resources you had and now you have the chance to learn from this experience and do better for yourself and your family in the future. Forgiveness gives you freedom from the pain.
Use this experience to reassess who you are and what you want your life to look like from this point forward. There is much wisdom and life lessons to be gleaned from this divorce so don’t waste this experience. Use it to grow and evolve.
You will want to look into the whys behind your allowing him to abuse you for so long. That’s the emotion al baggage you carry. You want to figure out why because you do not want to repeat this behavior in the future.
What is all this negative mind chatter and beating yourself up costing you? Is that a price you wan to pay? Choose to let go and move on. Know that you cannot change the past or know the future.
Best to you,
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.