I have been separated since May and find myself on a roller coaster of emotions every day. I have far too much contact with my ex (my choice) and it pains me to see him happy. I was blindsided with the separation and love him dearly.
I know I am being destructive in some of the things I text him, and it hurts when we do get along. I can’t even say I am sitting on the fence about what I want, because I am so far away from the proverbial fence, I can’t even see it!
My question is… When will things start to make sense again? I love him so much but actually enjoy the alone time and my whole house to myself. I love having my friends here all the time, but I just love him so darn much!
How do I begin to reconcile these feelings? I really don’t want our relationship back, but I miss him so dearly in my life as my best friend and someone to share my kids’ lives with.
Does this even make sense?
Of course it makes sense. Whatever you are feeling makes sense as there is no right or wrong when it comes to emotions. You are right though when you say that you have far too much to do with him. The more physical and verbal contact you have the more you are attached emotionally.
If you don’t really want the relationship back then you need to start doing the things that will begin the process of an emotional divorce. Limit your contact and speak only when necessary…as it pertains to your kids and the divorce if that is where you are heading. Every time you have contact with him an emotional trigger is set off. For now, you need to start distancing yourself while you go through the steps of recovery and acceptance of this new reality.
Best to you,
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.