After 24 years of marriage, my husband moved out last week, told me he wants to be free and NEVER loved me. My friends are ignoring me and my children are on his side. I work full time and have not told anyone at my job yet. I am not sleeping well or eating. Obviously I don’t want a divorce but at this point, I don’t see us reconciling.
Your suggestions are greatly appreciated.
What would you suggest to a friend if she were in the same situation? I say this because you have an inner wisdom, an intuition that you need to listen to right now. If you take a long and honest look at your marriage, I am certain that you will begin to see all the signs that led to this situation. Looking at the marriage and accepting your responsibility for it’s outcome will gift you with incredible life lessons and wisdom that you will be able to use to craft a better life for your future. Don’t waste this experience. By that I mean, use it to do some deep self-assessing for personal growth.
In the meantime go out of your way to handle the effects of stress…exercise, try a yoga class, join a support group, learn to use deep breathing techniques to quiet the anxiety. Sleeping and eating well are very important so do your best to eat and if you cannot then take a dietary supplement like Ensure. You really need to take the time and make the effort to do these things as they are crucial in your ability to handle what is going on in your life. Show yourself compassion and nurturing. Treat yourself the way you would treat a child if they were in distress.
You are experiencing the effects of loss which is perfectly normal. You are in a grieving period and everything that you are feeling and thinking is part of that grieving process. It will pass but in the meantime, do the things that I have mentioned to help you to cope.
Learning acceptance of what versus what we think should be is the great test. We get to choose to accept reality or stay stuck in the past, a past that no longer exists. When we learn to accept our reality, we can then move on to make choices on how we will handle this new reality. It is not so much what life hands us that is important , rather it is how we choose to handle life that will make the biggest difference.
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.