When The Kids Are Away…
November 18, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Editor's Picks, Family, Parenting, Single Moms
Submitted by Lee Block
My children have been at their father’s for the past week and don’t come home until Sunday. This is unusual in itself, because he hasn’t had them for longer than a week for the past 2 years. Why am I telling you this?
I am so lonely and bored! My dog is at the trainers…my kids are at their fathers…my new husband is traveling. What fills my weeks when the kids are home seems to have disappeared. I wander around the house thinking of what I can organize, clean, utilize, materialize, deodorize and then wander back to the computer. I have cleaned out and up every nook and cranny of this house. I have organized and reorganized. I still have until Sunday to keep busy.
This is the double edged sword that most divorced parents are afraid to talk about, especially the primary caregiver. Carrying the majority of the load of raising your children is exhausting. There are times you want to pull out your hair, or get a Brazilian bikini wax instead of hearing, “Mommy can I…” one more time.
Let’s be honest, sometimes you can’t wait for the kids to go to the other parent so you can have some peace and quiet for a change. It isn’t the same for a two parent household. Even though they have the kids full time all the time, there is usually a second set of hands to put the straw in the juice box while turning on the shower and helping with homework all the while making dinner.
And, when you finally do have that peace and quiet, what happens? You are lonely. Remember when you were young and your parents farmed you out every summer to camp? I used to think my parents would run around the house naked and have sex on every conceivable surface while partying all night long. How wrong I was. They probably went about their everyday lives and organized in the peace and quiet. Are married parents as lonely when they send their kids away as divorced parents are when their kids have to go for visitation?
For all the parents out there….being without your kids is the pits. Enjoy the dirty dishes, the spills and messes and the clean ups. Enjoy the arguing, the fighting and the he said/she said or he touched me’s. Enjoy the blaring of the TV, computer and video games. Enjoy the Mommy Mommy Mommy. Enjoy it all, because when they are gone, the silence that you long for can be stifling.
Lee Block, a Post-Divorce Coach and author, is a divorced mother of two, who is passionate about empowering women in transition to find a new life. You can find her writing on her own site The Post-Divorce Chronicles or on The Huffington Post. You can also follow her on Twitter or Facebook .
Wonderful article. And happy to be reading you here!
I will say, depending upon the age of your children, and how frequently you get “a break,” this dynamic changes. When you are largely the solo parent (regardless of what the visitation schedule says), and, when your children are a bit older – that week can save you. However much you love your children, and however strange it is to be without them – that little pocket of quiet is welcome.
BigLittleWolf: Thank you! I love your articles and follow you everywhere you write, so I really do thank you! And you are 100% right. As they get older, it is nice to have those breaks. Just seems like no one likes to admit it!!