My wife left me saying she isn’t in love with me anymore and is filing for a divorce. I came home one day and she’d moved her stuff out of the house while I was gone. She doesn’t have a new man, she just wants out. She is living with her daughter.
It has been so hard the last few months since she left. I love her a great deal and always worked very hard at our marriage. But in the last six months she hasn’t. I’ve cried a lot, I go to church and I pray and read the Bible everyday. I get counselling and the hurt in my heart just doesn’t stop.
You are in the midst of the grieving process and everything that you are feeling is natural, albeit unpleasant. Feelings of deep sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, resentment…you name it, it is all part of the process. As a man of faith you must know the serenity prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to wisdom and growth.
Taking the world as it is, not as I would have it or should have it or could have it;
Trusting that all will be right if I surrender to the direction of my life’s flow,
That I may be happy and fulfilled in this life.
The truth is that you cannot control your wife or the flow of life. Perhaps there is a reason for all of this happening now, perhaps there is deep wisdom and life lessons that you will be able to glean from this experience that will propel into a better future? The things that we cannot control we must learn to eventually let go of. We need to learn to accept our reality as it is and not as we think it should or could be. Whatever is present in your life right now is the way it is supposed to be, otherwise it would look different.
Acceptance is the place where you will be able to let go and begin to see the new possibilities that exist for you. Once we accept what is (versus how we may wish things could be) then options will become available to us that we could not see before. When we are lost in our car and drive around in circles without accepting the fact that we are lost, we will continue to be lost until we accept the fact that we are lost. Once we accept that, we can then take action to remedy the situation: stop at a gas station, ask someone on the street, call 911. See?
Offer yourself deep care and compassion right now. Know that you will not feel this way forever if you do the inner work of healing.
Shelley Stile is an ACC certified Divorce Recovery Life Coach and author who guides her clients to let go the pain of their divorce and move on to create new and vibrant lives after divorce. Shelley has been through her own divorce so she knows first-hand about the journey of divorce recovery. Receive her free, powerful e-book, The 10 Secrets to Coping with Divorce’, and her monthly ‘Take Back Your Life After Divorce’ Newsletter by going to: http://www.freedivorcesupport.com.