British law firms call the first Monday of the New Year, “D-Day.” In this case the D stands for divorce. We’re not aware of any similar survey of North American lawyers, so perhaps there is a spike in phone calls to law firms on this side of the “pond” at this time of year as well.
The poll, commissioned by a British legal website, surveyed the country’s top 100 divorce lawyers, and predicts that “inquiries about relationship difficulties following the Christmas and New Year period will be up by 40% this year over the same period in 2009.”
Apparently the first Monday of the year is when, back from a long and unhappy holiday break from busy careers, many couples set appointments with lawyers. Another suspected reason for the rush of Monday phone calls is the concern that if the call were made from home, children might over hear the conversation and most parents prefer to postpone as long as possible telling their children the unhappy news.
Indeed, some of this post holiday frustration, later brings its own share of remorse. The survey found that over 50% of the couples seeking a divorce as their own form of a New Year’s resolution, later regret having begun the process and or having obtained a divorce. And this brings us back to our point to always remember the love. Here’s how:
Whether in the process of considering a divorce, or having obtained one; whether starting over in a new relationship or making one more attempt to heal a fractured relationship; be aware of the great importance of remembering all the love you once shared with your partner. When we deliberately take time to remember the special moments we shared together, we can most effectively heal the pain we carry in our hearts. If we choose to shut out those good memories then a big part of our hearts will remain closed, perhaps for the rest of our lives.
What are some of the key moments that you want to recollect? Well here are some that should help get you started. Once these suggested visualizations have helped you that, add some of your own that are unique to the moments the two of you shared. In general, special moments can be stirred by such events as your first meeting, or your first date. Try to remember the moments leading up to that first passionate kiss and the very first time you made love. Remember a time when you felt supported, a time when your partner was there for you in an unexpected way. Remember as well, shared good fortune. A great trip that you took, or an unexpected bonus or treat that you got to share together.
Finally, remember certain gifts of love that your partner brought into your life. Laughing together at your favorite movie, or sharing a special experience that gave you both a lot of pleasure.
Having taken the time to recreate these special memories, there are hopefully many that you will be able to revisit from your past. The sum total of these memories is not a message to reunite, or to hold a damaged relationship together. More importantly it’s a message that we give to ourselves that love can come into our lives at many different times. Perhaps that relationship is worth a greater effort on the part of both partners or perhaps it’s time to let it go. Whatever the answer remember again this simple rule: if we don’t remember the love that we shared the only one that we are truly cheating is ourselves. Love is a gift and that gift should always be honored for what it meant in the past and what it might mean for the future.
I’m a doctor of psychology once removed: I’m John Gray’s daughter (author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus), so lets just say relationship know-how runs in my genes. Since the day I hit puberty, friends and acquaintances have come to me for advice. Fourteen years later I’m finally making my skills available to the public. Dad’s brilliant and all, but sometimes it takes someone a little younger to really grasp the issues that are relevant to young people today. I look forward to giving you whatever help I can. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also connect with me on facebook.com/asklauren.