Sitting and Waiting
December 17, 2010 by Cathy Meyer
Filed under Children & Divorce, Editor's Picks, Grief & Anger, Single Dads, Single Moms
Submitted by: Lee Block
I sit by the window and wait. I wait for him to bring the children home. He is always late and never early. I sit and I wait every single time he has visitation. He has no regard. Not for my time or the children’s, just his own. It is infuriating.
When the lights shine through the window, indicating that he has pulled into the drive, I walk to the door and mentally prepare myself for the barrage of talking, hugging and dogs barking. Everyone is excited to be back in the nest. And, that is when the fun begins.
Nine times out of ten, the children come home after 8 pm and have not had dinner, so they need to be fed. Every single time they walk in the door, my ten year old daughter’s homework has not been done. It has to be printed from the computer, and he does not have a printer that works. Eight times out of ten my six year old son has not studied for his test and his sister has done his homework for him, which means he has to then do it himself…at 8 o’clock at night.
I get everyone situated; seething with anger and resentment that he can take the children, but does not take the time to see that what needs to be done is done. What are his concerns? That my son has his yarmulke that he brought over to my house by accident and that it is returned. Forget the fact that the spelling spiral book for school is lost in the depths of his house. Forget the fact that I almost never get a belt back and sometimes shoes are lost, as well as jackets and minds. As long as he gets back the yarmulke.
This is more common than not in divorced homes, where the children get shuttled back and forth. I am not saying they should not spend an adequate amount of time with the other parent, but I am saying that the primary parent should have them during the week…all week.
I am saying that when a child is denied baseball practice, tennis matches, after school activities, play dates, a working computer for homework and no adult supervision those children should be with the parent that will take them to kick boxing, cheerleader practice, volleyball, birthday parties, have working electronics and serious supervision.
If every judge actually did what was truly in the best interest of the children, I bet there would be fewer women flying off the handle and running their ex spouses over with cars. I’m just saying as I wait by the window.
Bio: Lee Block, a Post-Divorce Consultant and author of The Post-Divorce Chronicles and founder of The Post-Divorce Dating Club is a divorced mother of two, who is passionate about empowering women in transition to find a new life!
What a beautiful piece of writing!!!!
My experience of co-parenting has not been similar to yours in its structure or main workings; I’ve had my kids about 95% of the time this entire decade.
And yet, when I read this, so much is familiar in that 5% to time when children were returned with so much left undone. Whether or not these will be their recollections, they surely will be mine. The sitting and waiting, the knowledge of the additional work that would be left still to do, the awareness that they would be sad for the brevity of time shared with their dad, and that, too, something I had to bear in contradictory ways – and for them – trying to understand.
A piece of experience many of us can recognize, Lee.
@Rick Thank you so much!
@BigLittleWolf Thank you DA! It is so much work being the primary parent. Those parents that are not have no idea the amount of work that goes into it. I often wonder if they had the opportunity to be the primary if they would still complain about NOT being the primary!