Submitted by: Robin Dake
I did not like getting a divorce.
Divorce is painful and wrenching. It is ugly. It is the death of dreams. Divorce is not something anyone aspires to.
However, now that we have slogged through the year of proceedings and court dates and oppressive emotions, I have a confession to make: one of the benefits of getting a divorce is getting my own room.
I love having my own room.
I was 18 the last time I had my own room. In college I always had a roommate, except for a brief 3-month period when my roommate graduated early. Then after college, I met and moved in with my boyfriend turned husband. Back then, sharing a room was exciting and new, one more thing we did together in creating us.
Twenty years later, the bedroom had become a place of tension and tip-toeing around one another to get to our things. It was as divided as we had become and I didn’t even venture into his side.
A year after the separation, I have slowly turned our room into my room. I replaced the bed quilt with a navy blue, corduroy duvet. I rearranged photographs and replaced wall paintings with a metal art piece reading “Live Your Life in the Moment.” I’ve taken over a closet and two bureaus, and best of all; I changed a bookcase into a shoe -rack.
These walls are now my sanctuary. It is a kid-free zone, save for a few bedtime snuggles. I read, and surf the net and eat chocolate and watch whatever television show I want to in this room without having to explain myself or compromise or tip-toe around. It is delightful.
When I walk in at the end of another frantic day of being the working woman/mom/friend, I breathe deeply. As I change out of my work clothes, I revel in the mine-ness and move all around the room as though reclaiming it all over again. And as I find myself smiling at just being in there, I realize that it is part of the healing of my heart. Re-creating this space to be my space is the first few steps of recreating me to be whoever I am becoming.
I don’t know what my future holds in the area of dating and companionship, but sitting in my room, luxuriating in my place, I am not sure I will ever be able to give up having my own room again.
Author Bio: Robin Dake is a writer and photographer who lives in North Georgia with two daughters and a dog. She holds a journalism degree from the University of Georgia. She has written for newspapers and radio, as well as non-profits throughout Georgia.