Ask The Divorce Coach: Should Dad Have Visitation For Easter?

Submitted by: Cathy Meyer

Question:

I am divorced and my ex-husband and I have a daughter. I have been remarried for 3 years. My husband is also divorced but without any children of his own. When divorce papers were drawn it stated that I have full custody with my ex having once a month weekend visitation at his parents’ home. That was 5 years ago. My ex has recently asked if he could have our daughter for the Easter weekend. My, selfish, initial response is NO but I understand that he wants to try and finally step up and make memories with her. My now husband is completely against her going during Easter and told me he would be very upset if I let her go. My parents and sister HATE my ex-husband and don’t think I should let her go. Can you give me some kind of advice or guidance? I am stressed out over this!!

 

Answer:

I can’t give advice without knowing the “story.” So, let me put it this way…if your ex-husband, the father of your child does not have a history of domestic abuse, does not have a history of endangering his daughter then he should be allowed extended visits with her. If you are 100% sure that your daughter is safe with her father then you have no reason to deny him the opportunity to spend Easter with his child.

As for your present husband and your family, they have no say in this situation and you should NOT allow them to influence your decision making. Your ex-husband is your child’s biological father. His needs and desires where his child is concerned are more important than the needs and desires of her step-father, aunt or grandmother. You need to let them know that your daughter having a relationship with her father is more important than how they feel about the situation.

Bottom line, this is a problem that should be dealt with between you and your ex-husband. No one else should have a say or be given the impression that they have a right to an opinion. If others tell you they will be upset you need to remind them that they have no legal or moral right to be upset when it comes to how you handle you and your ex deal with what is best for his and your daughter.

My best,
Cathy

 

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Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I feel like, that if this guy is a once-a-month-dad, then you get to make the call (no guilt). It doesn’t seem fair to me that you do all of the everyday nose-to-the-grindstone parenting, then he gets to take her for a holiday?! I would probably say no initially too. But, on the other hand, it’s nice to hear that he might want more of a part in her life. I might think of even asking your daughter what she thinks, without putting pressure on her.

    All in all, I agree that this is your decision, and even though you might get flack from other people, you need to do what’s right for you and your daughter.

  2. 2

    Morten says

    @Traci: I think we need a bit more information to decide what is fair or not. Sure, everyday parenting is hard work sometimes, but would you rather not do it and only see your child every fourth weekend? It’s not often we hear about parents fighting about NOT to have the children. Let’s see, a parent who only see his or her child once a month will miss (depending on the child’s age): the first steps, the first tooth, first day a school perhaps and most certainly the first crush… Please explain where the fairness is in that.

    In this case the woman asking is not a single parent and only have one child to take care of, and we hear of no abuse or violence what so ever. We do not know if this custody arrangement suited the father just fine or if he was more or less forced to accept the deal.

    I agree with Cathy, and let the father take as much responsibility for his daughter as possible under the condition that it is for the best for the daughter.

  3. 3

    Calvin says

    Hello, i want to write a letter of appreciation to my parents in law for allwoing me to marry thier daughter and apprciate all there support during the time i lived with them, encouragement during challenging moments. I want this letter to be emotional.

    My wife and i met in Africa and diceded to come to Australia. When i came i first lived with my inlaws. Letter within months my started getting crack and she left me. Through out the cooling year, i tried the best i can to bring her back but she was unable to come back but continusly accusing me of not changing. we both seek councilling during our separation and nothing really improved because she wasnt just into the marriage. Finally after the cooling year she has diceded to give me a divorce. When i aske her why she said i havent seen any change in you and you havent given me any words i can beleiev to come back into the marriage. Its kind confusing because this lady still says she loves me of which i dont believe. I mean why would someone say they love you then they dont want to live with you? The letter i want to write will address the my thankful to allow me marry their daughter, their support. My effort in trying to bring her back and her divorce.

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