Submitted by: Lee Block
When you get divorced, there is a very real possibility you will meet someone who is also divorced and more than likely has children. This brings a whole wealth of issues into relationship. I am remarried. My new husband is divorced with children. This is my story.
I am the second wife. I don’t mean wife #2, because I am actually wife #3. I mean the second wife. As in, more than one. Yes, folks, my hubby is a bigamist without committing bigamy. How is that possible?
He has his wife, me. He has his ex, her. I am wife #2 and she is wife #1. She gets all the concessions of being first wife, without the sex and the shit that goes along with being the present wife. She decides that I am not allowed to be around his children. She decides that he can’t take them on vacation. She decides that he can go with them on vacation, but only if I am left at home, and she is there. She decides that I am not allowed at any life cycle events.
As wife #2, I get the honors of having sex when he wants, picking up his dry cleaning and cleaning up after him. That’s it. Nothing else. Wife #1 lives with the kids in another city. He goes to said city to work and see kids. I have no idea what they do together as a “family”.
Why can’t I be his family WITH his children? That’s the million dollar question! He is my family with MY children.
I have put a LOT of thought into this issue. And, yes it is an issue, not a problem. A problem would indicate there was a solution or a trying to work it out, and that is not the case here. First, there is the guilt. The guilt he feels when his kids and his ex tell him he ruined their lives and broke up the family. Because of this guilt, he bends over backwards to do what they want and how they want. But where does that leave me, the real wife?
It leaves me as the second wife. Just like in the olden times when the King had a harem. I live in the shadows. In the back room. I am visited when the King is horny or lonely. I have perks of not worrying about a roof over my head or food on my table. But, I am not the Queen, and will never be the Queen.
Lee Block is the vision behind the Post-Divorce Dating Club. An online site where divorced men and women can mix, mingle and maybe meet. A community of like-minded individuals not just for dating, but for learning and growing and maybe marriage. Post-Divorce Dating Club offline is currently located in Houston, Texas, with plans to exand nationwide. When Lee is not working on the launch of her Club, she can be found writing at The Post-Divorce Chronicles and Coaching at Post Divorce Group, LLC.
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