A Single woman is created in the simplest possible way, in extreme cases she has never had a relationship, in more usual cases she broke up with her boyfriend or in the worst possible situation (though it may lead the most fortunate outcome, however it cannot be seen yet): he left her. Whatever the reason may be, the result is the same, which in case of an average single woman would sound like: a single or divorced woman instead of whom he found a better one, or a single woman, who got fed up with the other and decided to continue her life alone and to get divorced. In my understanding there is something else! Personally I believe, no matter why the relationship ended, we have to retreat with head held high.
Let’s start with the SEEMINGLY most humiliating situation: if he left us for another woman. The most important thing to know about this particular situation is that it didn’t happen because we’re not good enough or pretty enough, or anything! Quite simply we have to digest, however hard it might be, that the story is not about us, we aren’t event participants of the events. The possible greatest mistake is to think that we were left behind because we were incapable of coping with a relationship. It simply happens so because, on the one hand that’s life – imagine if your previous relationships hadn’t come to an end and you should still be with the same guy as five or ten years ago – few better tragedies could happen to us.
Or because we outgrew the framework of the relationship, we need new people, new experiences – but unfortunately human nature tends to be reluctant to change well-established things and we rather sit in a bad relationship than voluntarily accept singe-life.
Or quite simply we don’t gain anything from our relationship anymore and the other person is willing to take up the role of the form-breaking, ungrateful relationship-breaker, who files for divorce.
A break-up can be about a lot of things, however certainly NOT about one thing, our incapability!
If our partner falls in love with another woman, he expresses it to the least extent that there is something wrong with us, since we are not even part of this story. In this case, the man, as a sentimental human being falls in love with someone, just as he did some time before with us…
In reverse positions, the whole situation doesn’t look so bad, does it? If you think about it, when you fell in love with somebody else, honestly, innocently, you can see that your current partner couldn’t do anything about that, we saw someone whose smell, intimacy and smile was irresistible. He had nothing to do with the story; it was about us and our new love. It wasn’t he who changed, but we, WE fell in love! This was completely independent from our current partner, since nobody is vaccinated against love, neither he, nor we! Life is about change, about our internal changes, about the never-ending cycles of the world that surrounds us, as they say: we have our ups and downs… What could be more real? It is an inherent nature of a healthy and authentic life that we cannot be constantly at the top, cannot always succeed in everything as we planned, and that we are able to accept changes and adapt to them.
Becoming single is one of the most dynamic and exciting points of a relationship. Because at that moment we have ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES to choose who we fall in love with – in contrast to the situation when we live in a relationship or a marriage, where our love “object” is kind of given. The only problem is – as my Buddhist philosopher of religions-self would say – that in this situation, experienced as a crisis, we only see one thing that the relationship has ended. According to Buddha, our conscious is space-like, that is to say infinite; and infinity provides us with infinite creativity and possibilities every moment. Provided we are able to look away from the fact that suddenly we became single or divorced and what a terrible thing it is, and let the rest of the world reveal itself for us, and we discover how incredibly lucky we are.
I don’t deny that on my part I mostly considered all of my break-ups as the end of the world. I cried out my eyes, tired my best girlfriends to death with the most beautiful moments of my passing-away love (which I had had told them million times before), stuffed myself with cakes (here we go, not only the end of the world, but I even put on few pounds on the top of the crisis), or I could not eat a bite and scared everybody with the external and internal signs of exhaustion… So I did many things that I neither enjoyed, nor did it take me forward, nor resolved my situation and above all did not promise better prospects…
Then, in the next situation, where for some reason, I forgot about the spiritual torture and self-pity, that I’ve obligatorily prescribed for myself, I was able to see how many things exist in the world apart from my GREAT and UNSOLVABLE problem!
Suddenly I began to wonder what to do with so much free time and empty space that was generated in my life. Of course, first of all I thoroughly mourned the programs, which had formed an integral part of my life. But then I realized that there are a lot of things to do, a lot of things I’ve neglected in the past because the relationship used up all of my time, energy, attention. And it was time to give all of these to someone who deserves them the most: myself!