Divorce – Get Over It!!!!!

divorced women

One of the characteristics I cannot stand in  divorced people  half of divorced people (half because the other half quickly get over it, ie…Dumpee vs Dumper) is the compulsive need to hold on and not move forward. I am not saying that they cling to the marriage or the ex (though some do and boy is that fun) but instead of getting over it, it is almost like they would rather stay wallowing in their pity and misery than move on and embrace their future (a future that does not include a focus on their divorce). And quite honestly I find these people pathetic.

Some of the “can’t get over it” types swear up and down they have moved on yet their actions CLEARLY state the opposite. Now I will give some the benefit of the doubt and say that it is possible they are so caught up in their nonsense that they can’t see the forest for the trees. But really someone should point it out to them.

So here is me pointing it out……

If there is any part of your life that still focuses on the woe is me, the ex did this to me (because you can’t take any responsibility for the problems that were are taking place even though it takes two to get married and two to get a divorce), or discussion about your divorce/ex is still taking place on a regular basis, you are NOT over it. And while I like to joke and the rest of this post will focus on the ridiculousness of those who won’t get over it (and the products that encourage them), in all seriousness if you are one of these people, you really should consider getting help. I am not an advocate for counseling (I’ll explain that another day) but I do believe that if you cannot let go and get over your divorce and more importantly move forward without focusing on the past (a future focusing on your past is not moving forward), you have a problem and it needs to be addressed for the betterment of yourself as well as your friends and family and most importantly children, if you have them. Your focus on the negative is only going to hurt people no matter which way you look at it.

As I like to say to my children–”it takes much more energy to be mean, angry and bitter than it does to just be happy.”

Back to the point –

As most mornings go, last Monday I sat drinking my coffee, smiling at my goofy husband while he chuckled his way throughFark. Although he knows I am listening to him and slightly curious as to what is entertaining him, he also knows that some of the topics he finds amusing are not worth mentioning to me because I will find them ridiculous. But it wasn’t long before he came across an article that he just couldn’t help but roll his eyes and say,”take a look at this craziness.”

Now with that comment he could have shown me any number of articles. It could have been some Florida-tagged article where just about anything happens or it could have been an article that seems relatively normal but people have added their commentary and turned it into comedy. Instead here is what I saw — “Ten Bizarre Divorce Products.”

My first reaction was one of wonder and curiosity. But after reading the aforementioned article let me say that these products are beyond bizarre — this article would be better titled “Ten Products for the Sociopathic, Can’t Get Over Your Divorce Type Person.” Seriously, no one in their right mind would go looking for items like these or even consider purchasing them, though apparently there are people out there that do, which is really why I am writing today. Again, we all need a laugh but these products or for the purely pathetic.

Let’s go one-by-one down this list of gifts and I will explain how ridiculous this is and more on why people seriously need to get over it.

A wedding ring coffin - yep, it is exactly like it sounds. A small little jewelry box made in the shape of a coffin with a slot for your wedding ring to rest. To add to the craziness, you can have a headstone-type plate attached that displays a personal message like “RIP” or “I DO NOT ” and the most disturbingly, “I can’t live without you” Seriously, who would put this on their dresser? Is there any good reason to display a ring from a past that is over and ultimately that “symbol” of your love is now what, on display as a symbol of “I can’t let go”?

Personally, my old ring is in a box somewhere with my husbands old ring (not really sure exactly) just waiting to be tossed. I frankly don’t have the time or energy to spend looking for it. And if I were a scorned woman, do you think I would let anyone know that I was still stuck on the past or that I was not doing just great on my own — no way.

Divorce gift registry - Apparently there are now stores that, in addition to wedding and baby registries, now offer a “divorce registry.” Did your ex get the coffee pot (like if you are a coffee drinker you would wait for someone to buy you this as a gift) or maybe he got the dishes (because you could not stand to look at the dishes you were given on your wedding day), so quick–run out and register for gifts. I am not sure which is more disturbing with this idea: the fact that you would expect people to buy you gifts just because you are divorced or the event you would host in order to be given these gifts. Excuse me while I log into my e-vite account and invite all of my friends and family to my Divorce party.

As a woman who has gone through a divorce I can say that is insane and on the flip side of it, if I were invited to such an event or expected to buy a gift for a person going through this, I would probably send them a card with a referral to see a psychiatrist. It is not like you are attending a wine party with your bff and she spends the evening announcing to all the single men that you have ditched that old hubby and now are free to see whomever (thanks Ang ;) ). Instead this is a “woe is me” party. Don’t you feel so bad for me that you have to bring me gifts. PATHETIC!!!!!

Divorce Cake - Ok so I was going to go on and on about how you spend so much time tasting and choosing the perfect wedding cake (unless your mother-in-law does it for you and picks what she likes, ugh, another great reason to be divorced) that of course you should spend time picking out the perfect divorce cake (again for that great event you plan where you get gifts as well.) But then I thought I must have a picture for everyone who is curious what a divorce cake looks like — that was when the real repulsion started.

I googled divorce cakes and there must have been thousands of pictures. But they were not what I had imagined. I pictured a girly cake with symbols of freedom and all of the things that men typically don’t like. These — well I will let the pictures below speak for themselves.

 

 

 

 

All that I am going to point out is that it is obvious that 1) women are the consumers of this product and 2) there is some serious bitterness and rage going on that these women need to get over. I would be ashamed to purchase a cake like one of these.

A detachable playhouse - You read that one right. Apparently you can by a toy detachable home for your children to play with. They can either attach it and play house as one big happy family or they can break it apart and play with two separate homes. I can imagine this is a good tool for a counselor or psychiatrist wanting to establish how a child is feeling and better understand him or her through play. But to buy this for your child and make them feel even more disturbed over the change? Why on earth would you do that to your child? Wouldn’t it be better to encourage them and strengthen them into being ok with their new situation? Shouldn’t you be the parent and want to make the best out of the change and point out all of the good, no matter how torn apart you may feel.

Even at the worst moments after my divorce when things were beyond crazy and downright scary, I always protected my children and put on a show of excitement and joy for them with all of the “great” things they were going to do or get in their other “new” home. I never would have let them feel like we were this divided home that was “broken.”

Can you imagine how unsettling this toy could be for a child?

Divorce Ring - So there are probably some women out there that live by the status symbol they believe their wedding ring gives them — I on the other hand, do not. Not that I do not cherish and love the perfect ring that my current husband spent so much time picking out and making perfect for me, but I do not need a ring to tell me I am married or to tell other people. I think it is pretty clear when you see me with my husband that I am the one he loves and he is the one I love.

But for some I suppose I can see the importance that ring has to you. So a divorce ring, well I guess if you need a ring on your finger to feel good about yourself then go buy yourself a beautiful, look-at-the-new-me ring. Again, if you are going to get any object (like a “divorce ring”) that focuses on the divorce and a past that is no longer, there is an issue. And sadly I am pretty sure the market for this kind of ring is just that–a broken-hearted woe is me.

My advice — let it go and do something for the new (moving on) you.

Divorce Photo Album - Like the divorce ring, if you are ready to clear out the pictures and create new memories, go for it. But seriously, buy a pretty new album–not an album entitled “Divorce Album.” If you were to display that on your coffee table, people are going to think you are a bit creepy and strange.

Divorce Music Album - These people are really stretching now. I think some people will come up with anything and everything to focus on the bad. I know that when you are going through a divorce you have no desire to listen to love songs but really, do you need to go out and buy an album that is designated for divorces’?

Divorce App – I’m an Apple girl and I love my apps, however this is one I never would have considered buying. The one listed on the original article is kinda a how-to and an answer your questions kind of app. Ok I get that. We all have questions and concerns and seek advice and information when we are going through divorce so an app makes sense in this case. I guess there really is an app for everything. By far this is the only item on the list that is not all that pathetic–unless you are past the divorce process and still using the app on a regular basis, that would make it pitiful.

Divorce Survival Kit Kitchen Utensil - This one freaks me out. See the picture at the beginning of this post–if there were a female version of this and a potential girlfriend came into a guy’s house with knifes sticking out of a female figure, don’t you think she would be running for the door screaming what a freak he is. So why is ok for a woman to have one with a male figure. Just as creepy, as far as I am concerned.

No matter how angry you are or upset, when is it ever ok to joke about stabbing another human being? It isn’t.

Is it just me or do you notice the theme with these products….they are almost always for women who obviously did nothing wrong and have no blame for the divorce (take note of the serious sarcasm)…..yah right. Does it make you wonder about women and their inability to get over things? Or maybe wonder, why are there not products like this for men?

Maybe it is because men are not this desperate and self-loathing after a divorce. Maybe it is there egos that just won’t let them sink to these kinds of lows.

Take a cue ladies, because these items are not cute and inspiring. In fact, bizarre is definitely a great descriptive word of these products but also clearly describes those individuals who would partake in these products. Only people who can’t get over their divorce and who want to keep the focus on the negative rather than moving forward and embracing their future would consume these items or any other product that focuses on divorce. It is not like they are buying a self-help book and trying to move forward.

What’s the moral? GET OVER IT!!!!!!

Comments

  1. 1

    says

    I actually think the worst thing about several of these products is that they actually encourage a divorcee to harbour animosity towards their former spouse.

    This is not only unhealthy but, if the couple have children, significantly harm them also.

    Couples need to be encouraged to have a cordial relationship following a divorce as it is in everyone’s best interest.

  2. 2

    Sonia says

    Cordial? Does that mean pretending that the person who cheated on you and lied to you is a decent human being? My powers of pretence do not stretch that far. I’m willing to pretend he doesn’t exist, and I do a pretty good job of it. But a person who is a cold, cruel cheat and liar will never get cordial treatment from me.

  3. 3

    says

    I agree 100% — although I may not have stated this as clearly in this post as I would have liked, that really is my point.

  4. 4

    Shuchi says

    Really brutual and heartless I must say, you are trying to say someone can be irrational, illogical, out of their minds becz they cheated on you. becz they couldn stick to their promise of staying by you until death do us apart. And not sticking to one’s own words and ideas is SICK its a low level animal like behaviour to find another mate while u have one waiting for you at home and she can not even cry…say u r wrong…she is jerk if shez nt moving on? Is that what you wanted to say? well…pity you and such thinking becz the world has begin to think this way we have so many divorces happening each year the number just seems to be forever increasing! Sad…very sad!

  5. 5

    AM says

    Um, I get the idea of this post, but why are you so upset over it? For some people ths is part of the grieving process. If they are still buying divorce cakes on their divorce anniversary, or carrying around that coffin ringbox for months, then I would agree they are seriously not moving on. However, if you read some posts about living with a passive aggressive, emotionally abusive man, I can fully relate to needing this sort of outlet as a finality to the craziness. There is a lot of rage built up from that sort of relationship. And the divorce party? Heck, a time to reconnect with old friends, including the person they were before the abusive relationship took its toll! I didn’t get so upset when I saw these, only laughed and wished the women better in their life, and healing.

  6. 6

    stefanie says

    I noticed that you spoke about your husband….do you realize you are talking to women who don’t have one or about to lose one? How dare you say we are not allowed to have a pity party for ourselves. I am a mother of five and have a full time job and one day my husband decided that he was done with the marriage after 12 years and left. Our youngest wasn’t even 1 yet. Without even trying he came to the conclusion that he was done with me. So I think I’m entitled to have a pity party for myself until I’m ready to move on.

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