Facing up to the reality that your marriage is no longer working is tough enough. When you are ready to come to terms with the fact that the only way to make you happy again is to seek a divorce there are so many things to think about such as splitting property and belongings, arranging custody of children and even finding a new home that the actual divorce process itself can get messy and drawn out over a long period of time. These ten tips are here to help and guide you through this tricky time.
1. Don’t ignore the situation
As hard as it may be to hear that your partner is seeking a divorce the best advice is always never to bury your head in the sand about it. As soon as you receive correspondence from your partner’s solicitor, or in some cases divorce papers, you need to find your own solicitor and begin proceedings.
2. Ask for help
As well as legal help you are also going to need emotional support to get you through this stressful time. Friends and family will always be there for you but a trained counsellor can also provide much needed comfort. A good solicitor will be able to put you in touch with a counsellor if you don’t know where to start looking for one.
3. Do not move out unless it is necessary
By moving out you will lose vital negotiating power in deciding what ultimately will happen to the family home. If the final decision is to sell the house and you are not living there at the time you will also lose some control over the sale.
4. Don’t mess with the finances
If a friend or family member is in need of money it is important not to be too generous whilst the divorce settlement is being discussed as if funds are given to someone else this could be seen as trying to put money beyond their reach, which would be very unfair.
5. Don’t bring the children into your argument
Emotions can be all over the place at this time but it is important never to speak badly of your partner in front of your children as the last thing you want to happen is for this to affect their relationship with the other parent.
6. Every break up is different
It may be helpful to talk to friends or family members about their experience of divorce but remember what happened to them may not happen to you. Divorce is dealt with on a case by case basis as some marriage break downs are dealt with much easier and quicker than others.
7. Save money by doing things yourself
The more you discuss the situation and work out a solution without legal help the less it will cost financially as solicitors will charge by the hour and many things can be done by yourself.
8. Don’t listen to assumed myths
There are many assumptions that people make during a relationship breakdown such as the mother always gets custody of the children and couples who live together that aren’t married have the same rights as a married couple. Talk your concerns through with your solicitor and don’t assume anything.
9. Don’t take things out of perspective
Ringing your solicitor to inform them of every little thing your partner does wrong can be costly and won’t necessarily change the outcome of children’s custody or the splitting of finances. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel in such circumstances but try to keep focused on the final settlement. And finally…
10. Listen to your lawyer
Your divorce solicitor may not always tell you exactly what you want to hear but they will certainly do their best in achieving the best possible outcome for you based on their years of experience dealing with cases.