How Do I Leave My Marriage?

How do I leave my marriage? I bet that’s a question you thought you would never ask. I thought I would never ask that question but realized when I had reached the breaking point, it was time to change my life. I couldn’t go on the way I was living. After months of introspection, I blindly began the process.

I muddled through with intuition and lawyers as my guide; not the best approach.

couple in conflictAt the time, it seemed there weren’t a lot of self help books on the topic. For example, it’s hard to imagine there was no face book which, when used appropriately, can offer terrific support from friends and family. There was no twitter, a place where you can find a wealth of web sites dedicated to divorce.

On line support was non-existent. Blogs were unheard of. There were some books available, but they mostly dealt with what to do after the bomb hit the house. I needed something that could help me now, to answer the question; where do I begin? I couldn’t even find a book by Dr. Phil on the subject. “Family Matters” was a best seller, but didn’t deal specifically on divorce. Necessity is the mother of invention, so I was motivated to write my book. A book that is designed to answer the question How do I leave my marriage? And one to supply the answers that I couldn’t find but was so desperately seeking back in 2005.

Here, I have summarized my step by step formula to successfully extricating yourself from a marriage. Bear in mind, divorce being a very personal and individual experience, this is only to be used as a guide not a bible. Put your personal approach into this and use your intuitive skills to adapt each step and make it your own. And so the journey begins;

STEP 1 –  Take stock of your life as it is today; marriage, friends, career, relationships. What would you like to change? What is your truth? Try to be honest and refrain from making excuses.

STEP 2  –  Do your research- read as many books and internet resources as you can and balance your information by drawing from both people who have been through divorce and professionals in the field.

STEP 3 –  Open your own bank account and credit card.

STEP 4 –  Research your financial status by gathering documents; 6 months of bank statements, previous 2-5 years of his and your income tax returns, and assess your assets vs. your existing debts to avoid surprises.

STEP 5  – Find a confidante in a friend or family member for support (emotional, financial or shelter).

STEP 6  –  Prepare and talk with your husband.

STEP 7  – Prepare and talk with the children, with their father.

STEP 8 –  Interview (many) and retain a lawyer, enlisting assistance in sorting out child and spousal support will be the number one priority if you are a stay at home mother without an income of your own.

STEP 9 – If you are a stay at home mother remain in the matrimonial home but make an action plan for the physical separation i.e. When is he going to move out?

STEP 10 FOLLOW THROUGH!

This step by step plan is a start in preparing as much as possible before the actual separation. Realize that this is only the beginning of the ongoing process which will continue for several months or even years. Each step will be a different experience for the person going through it. Some people will take years at step one, while others will move ahead quickly to find that they are stalled at step 4.

This is an individual experience as unique as you are. Also, a psychologist may be helpful during this process to give you an objective perspective on the situation and your progress on your divorce journey.

I hope this has answered the important question, How do I leave my marriage? Most importantly, you don’t have to go into this blind, like I did. With honesty, research, preparation and emotional support, you will succeed in extricating yourself from an unhappy marriage. Seeking as much information as possible and utilizing your own instincts will get you through the initial and most difficult part of divorce.
In time, you will look back at all that you have accomplished and realize I’ve changed my life! I wish you all the best in your journey!

 

About the Author:

In 2005 I made the most difficult decision of my life in deciding to end my marriage.

So began my 5 year long extrication process.

In the interim I have learned more about people, the law, parenting, love, independence and my own weaknesses then I would have ever learned in a lifetime. Thanks to the process of divorce, I have overcome my fears to become more open minded, well rounded, and wiser. I would like to help other women accomplish the same qualities.

The result is a non-fiction book written from the heart; The Great Escape; A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage.

I believe life experience to be the true education, and my legal experiences have been varied and challenging. These experiences have taught me about the law, lawyers, my courage, and sharpened my research and decision making skills.

I also have a passion for books, art and interior design. I love the outdoors, exercising and a glass of wine for good measure.

WEBSITE http://www.lisathomsonlive.com

Comments

  1. 3

    Ginger says

    I’ve been married for 10 yrs. had 2 kids with my husband. The youngest with severe developmental delays and orthopedic problems. My child’s health required me to stay at home and takecare of him. My husband bullied me out of the house. Afraid for my safety and the safety of my kids, I left the house and the city I lived in while married. I retained a lawyer but didn’t file any papers yet. I know that my husband is wiring all his money and assets overseas, he is worth more than a million dollars. If i start the divorce process or not, I’m afraid of 2 option: 1. My husband will fight me and drag the case for as long as he can. He has the money to waste and i have $0 2. one day my husband will leave overseas when all the money and all assets been transferred. I’m really worried about going in major debts paying my lawyer who probably can only help me getting divorce…any thoughts???

  2. 4

    says

    Hi Ginger, I’m sorry for your difficulties. I think given the situation, you should get your lawyer to immediately get an emergency freeze on his assets. This will legally prevent your husband from moving anything in the form of a ‘court order’. If you have proof of his moving assets overseas, take it to the lawyer. This will protect your and your children’s future. Getting that order will be around $5,000 depending on the lawyer. You may qualify for legal assistance. Call your law society or local legal bureau and inquire. You will likely need your income tax return to prove your low income. Since you have been a stay at home mother you are automatically entitled to spousal support, especially with a special health needs son.

    This will likely enrage him, so please make sure your living arrangements are kept secret for a while. You were wise to move away for your safety. Please make a report to the police about any abuse and your reason for re-locating so they have some evidence of domestic abuse on file. Was he abusive during the marriage? Please let me know how you make out.

  3. 5

    Ginger says

    Hi Lisa, thank you so much for your kind reply..I have proof for money and asset transfer but my lawyer said that American court orders can not go in effect in an overseas country. If money is gone …it is really gone and this is the case now.
    Also my husband was arrested before on domestic assault using weapon with children’s presence at home.
    I know that the law is on my side and I will get my divorce and my children…my fears still the same: my husband has lots of money to waste … I read all these horror stories on the Internet of cases going forever in courts and 100s of thousands of dollars being spent. I don’t have no savings whatsoever.. I don’t even have family to rely on financially.
    My lawyer is supposed to be one of the best but I’m so discouraged because of these bills coming my way, plus he can not give me any guarantees.
    My husband is leaving overseas and I’m afraid to be left as a single mother with lots of debts.

  4. 6

    Christine says

    Thank you so much for this article!
    I have been stuck in the Pre-separation spot for ages now. Not knowing what to do.
    If you have any advice on how to find out what financial resources are available
    to single moms…i would really appreciate it,
    i am terrified to take the next step. Thank you for making it a little easier!
    All the best to you
    Christine

  5. 7

    In need of help says

    Why is your site aimed only at women? Don’t you think, or know, that us men have these problems too? Ahh hang on, maybe you ‘women’ are just such a sexist breed that you put info on the net just for the female race – THATS it, yes!!

    It is not just you ‘women’ who suffer hardships, you know!? Jesus bloody Christ people – get a hang on what does happen in real life! Wake up and smell what you are shovelling guys! I came here to get some help, but i think i’ll try elswhere.

    Thank you ever so much, for nothing!!!

  6. 8

    In need of help says

    Why is your site aimed only at women? Don’t you think, or know, that us men have these problems too? Ahh hang on, maybe you ‘women’ are just such a sexist breed that you put info on the net just for the female race – THATS it, yes!!

    It is not just you ‘women’ who suffer hardships, you know!? Jesus bloody Christ people – get a hang on what does happen in real life! Wake up and smell what you are shovelling guys! I came here to get some help, but i think i’ll try elswhere.

    Thank you ever so much, for nothing|!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>