Two thirds of divorces and the majority of separations in the States are initiated by women. This fact came to light after American Association of Retired People conducted a study of more than 1000 divorced women and men between 40 and 79 years old.
Among the many reasons given for wanting a divorce, most women claimed emotional neglect and verbal abuse. Interestingly, most husbands claimed that they had no idea that their wives felt that way when they asked for a divorce.
Slow, steady decline
Only a man can understand that most men are caught by surprise when their wives ask for a divorce. Women know that the marriage is in trouble long before things become unbearable. They talk about it, with the husbands (or to the husbands), with their friends, therapists and family. They try to solve the problem for a long time before giving up and deciding to divorce.
Women do not make the decision to get a divorce lightly. They suggest to their husbands to go to counseling. They try therapy. They buy self-help books. They try talking to their husbands about what is bothering them, for all good it does them. When they finally decide to ask for a divorce, most women are certain that they have tried everything in their power to save the marriage.
There are many reasons that drive a woman to decide to end the marriage:
- “All he wants from me is sex.”
- “He does nothing to help me with all the chores. I clean, cook, wash, vacuum, help with kids’ homework, while he is snoozing in front of the TV. Then he wants sex and is upset when I am too tired for it.”
- “He spends Saturdays playing golf with his buddies. On Sunday he watches baseball. When I ask him to spend some time with me, he complains that I nag. If I cry, I am too sensitive. Never, ever he said that he was sorry.”
- “Both I and my husband have careers. We both go to work every day and meet at home in the evening. Every day for the ten years of our marriage I hug him when we meet and ask him about his day. Do you think that he ever asked me how my day was?”
- “Although both I and my husband work, taking care of the kids and all household chores are my responsibility, including washing the car. If by some miracle my husband decides to wash the dishes or load the washing machine, he expects Nobel Price for it. I am supposed to hug him and thank him endlessly and show how much I appreciate his help. What about his appreciation for all my work?”
- “Before we got married we had fun. We went dancing, wine tasting, we hiked on the weekend together. Now, the only thing we do together is sex. I tried talking to him about how much he changed and how I would love it if we would do those things again. He claims that I want too much from him. When I ask him why we do not talk any more, he says that he has nothing new to tell me.”
Sounds familiar? Women find it exasperating that their husbands change so much once they are married. The wonderful, understanding, charming, funny and sensitive man is gone. What they have instead is some stranger who complains that she is asking too much from him. No wonder that women feel that their husbands want different thing from the marriage than they do.
Men would not be so shocked that their wives want to divorce them if they ever listened to them when they expressed their feelings. The marriage takes two and both parties need to invest time and effort in it, or it inevitably dies.
What are your reasons for wanting a divorce or contemplating divorce? Please comment and share your thoughts!