“Till death do us apart” has become a vow that feels almost archaic in this time and era. Sure we would all love to have our fairytale wedding and forever marriage. Many of us manage to have it and many of us don’t. But does that make us any less of a princess or should I say queen rather? No.
We get into a marriage hoping that we have someone to share our joys and sorrows with. Sometimes you hope to start a family with this special one. And you succeed. And then while you are waiting for the arrival of the new member, you find out that your spouse is involved with someone else. It is going to shatter you. You are going to be vulnerable, volatile, but this is the time you will need to keep your head firmly on your shoulders. A cheating spouse is never easy to accept and more so when you are pregnant. So how do you deal with infidelity? Should you opt for a divorce? How will you get through a divorce during your pregnancy? Questions will plague your mind and no it will not be easy for you. But answers are there and you will find them.
There is Nothing Wrong with You
“What did I do?”, “Is there something wrong with me?” I can assure you that no there isn’t. Cheating has more to do with the person who is doing it rather than the other partner. The cheating may have hit you like a bolt of blue, but if not now it would have happened later. Many women blame their bodies and their looks during pregnancy as the sole cause for the partner cheating during this time. But that is hardly true.
If having the child is a decision both of you took, then he is supposed to be as much a part of the process as you are. Cheating on you during this time just shows that, he will take the easy way out when the times get trying. And if not now, it was going to happen later.
So keep your head high and do not blame yourself.
Take Legal Counsel
Opting for a divorce while you are pregnant can be one of the toughest decisions you will ever take. Taking help from an attorney you can trust will help you with the complications of the process. There will be a legal perspective involved. Child support, child custody division of wealth and property and alimony are issues that will need to be tackled. All of these can be emotionally and physically draining and a good attorney can be of great help during these tough times. But do make sure to talk to a couple of lawyers and then picking someone who fits your bill perfectly.
Don’t Isolate Yourself
Pregnancy is one of those times when a woman needs most to be loved, cherished and cared for. But ironically when this becomes the time her spouse moves towards someone else, it becomes more than difficult for her. Going into your own shell, secluding yourself from everybody else is a common resort then. But, you should know that it does not work.
Don’t isolate yourself. Don’t lose yourself. Don’t think it’s just pity and sympathy you will get. There will be friends who will genuinely care about you. Let them be with you. Let go of the bitterness and hardness. Most women feel at this time that if one person could do this to them, the rest of the world could too. But learn to trust and to share once again. Your family and friends are going to be your greatest assets now. Let them help you, let them be next to you. Moreover, there may be emergencies that may crop up during this time. If you have decided that you are not going to take any help from your ex-spouse anymore then this support system will be extremely needed.
And when the baby comes, you will need them anyway to take care and help you with the baby. So bond with your friends and family. You will definitely feel much better and lighter physically and emotionally.
Don’t Be Vindictive
I am not preaching here. But the fact is that, the normal human tendency is to be revengeful and vindictive. The tit for tat, if you hurt me I will hurt you mentality is inherent in us. The excessive number of unsuccessful rebounds can be attributed partially to this thought process. But, avoid seeking solace in somebody else right now. You will probably be too broken and weak mentally and emotionally right now to invest in another relationship. Take time out for yourself and connect with your surroundings, the more positivity you embrace and give out the better it is for your child.
Find out what works for you. Interact with a support group of pregnant single women, read books, attend maternal yoga and dance classes or take up any hobby that you really like. Your focus should be on diverting your energy as much as possible in a positive direction.
The Arrival of the Baby
Irrespective of your circumstances, you know that there is something great you have to look forward to. While I can understand if you are not feeling too great about having the baby and your situation, do not even think of harming yourself or your baby. Concentrate all your energies on your child. Read on child care, watch movies, make lists of all that you will have to do and how you will manage to do all of it. Talk to your child. Leaving aside the negativity and the pain, have a sorted out conversation with your husband and decide on the course of action for the future,.
Don’t think of your divorce as the end, but your new-born baby as a new beginning. Life has its share of ups and downs. A divorce is a rather difficult down, but believe that there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel. Walk with your head high and start planning all things good and nice for the bundle of joy who is soon going to be coming in your life.
“Gemma Reyes is an Attorney by profession and the founder of Law Offices of Gemma V. Reyes based in San Jose, California. The firm represent cases of Family Law and Bankruptcy Law. Gemma Reyes is very passionate for the protection of divorced women as well as children.”