Ask The Divorce Coach: He had an affair with my best friend & refuses to divorce me

Question:
Dear Shelley:
Five years ago my husband started an affair with my very best friend in the whole world.  My husband felt neglected by me which, in a sense, was true – with menopause and other issues I was going through, I sort of ended up in this black hole.
During this time, he has left on [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach – Still Stuck Six Years Later

Question:
Dear Shelley,
I was married for 25 years, have been separated for six years, and now divorced for three years. I recently found out that my ex has a girlfriend, goes to her place at night, of course is having sex with her, and it is making me crazy. I cry all the time and am depressed.
Today is his [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: I’d do ANYTHING to bring him back…

Question:
Hi Shelley,
About 2 1/2 years ago my husband of 16 years told me he didn’t love me anymore.  I immediately started vomiting and became hysterical. I was a stay-at-home mom to three kids, had worshiped the ground he walked on, and thought he was my best friend.
I later found out that he had been cheating [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Afraid To Trust

Question:
Dear Shelley,
I’ve been divorced for a year and on my own for two, after 16 years of marriage.  I am afraid to leave my ’safe harbor’ of my circle of family.  I continue to work at my father’s  place of employment because it is familiar and comfortable – but it barely provides enough for me [...]

Jar of Hearts

Submitted by Amelia
Three weeks ago,unknown and unsigned singer Christina Perri was working as a waitress in a Philadelphia cafe.  But by chance – or perhaps grand design  - a song she wrote called Jar of Hearts,  landed in the hands of  Stacey Tookey, a choreographer for So You Think You Can Dance.  Virtually overnight, Christina’s life has become a whirlwind [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Flashbacks

 
Question:
Dear Shelley,
How do I stop the constant flashbacks?  Flashbacks include him being with 2 girlfriends and extreme emotional abuse.  I’m in therapy, but would like your input.
Cathy
Answer:
Dear Cathy,
How do u feel when your mind chatter speaks up? Bad. Your mind chatter is your wounded ego and it is not you. It is your pain speaking [...]

Ask The Divorce Coach: Separated & Own A Business Together

Question:
Dear Shelley:
My husband of 30 years wants a divorce.  He arrived at this decision after he had an affair and I decided I wanted to separate to take time to heal.  During that time he was also placed on lithium and anti-depression meds.
He recently went off the meds and began attacking me via the legal system and our [...]

Turning The Kids Against The Ex

Submitted by Shirley Cress Dudley
When parents get divorced, sometimes the divorce is less than amiable.  Parents may carry resentment and anger.  Unfortunately, sometimes those negative thoughts are communicated to our children.
I regularly hear from stepfamilies that have been told by their children that Mom (or Dad) doesn’t love them anymore or that their new [...]

Divorce Recovery: Beware Expectations

Submitted by Divorce Coach Shelley Stile
In a nutshell, expectations are premeditated resentments and disappointments. They are self-sabotaging beliefs we hold that literally set us up to feel bad and keep us stuck in the pain of our divorce. They are in direct conflict with how the world actually works and are based on the phrase, [...]

How to Handle your Emotions during Divorce

Submitted by Divorce Coach Shelley Stile
Divorce brings out the lunatic within us. Rage, anger, depression, sadness, resentment and blame are just some of negative emotions running the show. Your emotional state is hard to pin down from one moment to the next. This is not the best state of mind to be in when you [...]

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