Hot for a Cougar who may have a few years on you? Eight? Ten? More?

As a woman of a certain age who has been approached by younger men, and yes – involved with a few,  might I suggest the following tips?

• Don’t refer to her as any sort of feline creature. You know. The C word (cougar). In fact, C words should be stricken from your language. Unless they involve Cute (butt), Cultured (pearls), Caring (woman), Captivating (beauty), Corset (comeuppance), or Creative (in bed).

• Restrict cat-like references to her sultry and sexy movement – gliding across a room, on the dance floor, or in closer proximity. Also allowed (depending upon the woman): one or two other regional references, only in the most complimentary fashion, and aptly timed. Naturally.

• Never suggest a cosmetic procedure, question timing of the next bikini wax, or offer tweezers as a surprise gift.

• No matter what you think you’re looking at, while in bed, never ask “What’s that?” (It could be almost anything. If it feels good, go with it.)

• Never, never, never say: “You look great… for your age.“

• If she mentions a dead president you haven’t heard of, reconsider. You’ll both be happier in the long run.

© D A Wolf

These days, Big Little Wolf (”Ms. Big”) reflects on life and her Daily Plate of Crazy, where she writes essays on everything – sometimes serious, sometimes fun – whatever strikes her on a given day as interesting, unusual, entertaining, or of concern.

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Last weekend, Carnival’s cruise ship, Elation, hit the mighty seas for what was branded as the first ever, “Cougar Cruise.”  Parting from San Diego, California and porting in Ensenada, Mexico, this three day adventure was marketed as a ”sexually charged’  trip of dancing, eating and partying for older women and younger men.  According to the trip’s sponsors, The Singles Travel Company and The Society of Single Professionals, the cruise sold out almost instantly AND they had to hire more staff because the phone was ringing off the hook.

Back in September, when news of this themed cruise hit cyberspace, comments flew all over the place – some expressing disgust and fuming at the double standard (had such a cruise been marketed for older men/younger women).  But there was no denying the playful and excited tone to the majority of other comments from women (and younger men).

But feedback on last weekend’s cruise is starting to roll in on various sites.  And commenters point out that there even though there was no mistaking the ‘mischeif’ going down amongst come cougars and ‘cubs’, it wasn’t any more salacious or outrageous in nature than regular singles cruises.  And this doesn’t really surprise me – cause many people falsely assume that cougar’ish behaviour only entails them acting like wild, slutty, uncontrollable creatures of lust.  I mean c’mon - older women can still be mannerly and ladylike, and still have fun.

A conversation I had with a twenty-something male stripper a long time ago suddenly springs to mind.  When I asked him who was wilder - the older women in the audience or the younger ones -  he said that during the show, there was no doubt that the older ones hooted and hollered and acted randier.  But AFTER the show, he said that while the older women normally made polite conversation about the show and left it at that, it was the YOUNGER women who set out on the prowl with an alternative agenda.

I know the term ‘cougar’ still rubs many people wrong – and sometimes, it does me too, mainly depending on the context and how it’s delivered.  But with new TV shows gaining popularity  like Cougar Town and the reality show, The Cougar (made by the creators of The Bachelor), it seems as if this nickname is here to stay, even if it’s still blooming into full definition.

But for the record, regardless of what you think of the term cougar – another Cougar Cruise has been slated for December 2010.  Just in case you’re interested (full details not yet available).  *grin

Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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Divorced Women Online Social Network. The new social network for the divorced or divorcing woman. A safe place to ask advice, share war stories and connect with others who have “been there, done that.” JOIN NOW!

You will know you are in menopause if:

1. That ‘monthly bloating’ you get around your tummy lasts for two consecutive years or more, and is now additionally spreading to your hips and thighs.

2. You wake up one morning, glance in the mirror, and notice that the skin on your face has shifted so drastically, it appears as though you’ve had a stroke, although you can still smile. ..about what, I don’t know!

3. One day, out of the blue, you look at your children and wonder, “Who are these people sitting around my table, and why did I get off Facebook to cook for them?”

4. The actual mechanics of sex suddenly seem as ludicrous to you now as they did when you first heard about them on the playground when you were nine years old.

Or………

5. You think about having sex all the time, except that the people you think about having it with were all born after 1975.

6. You say, “The hell with it,” get the names of all your children tattooed on your (sagging) backside, and buy a motorcycle.

7. Nothing your significant other does is right…ever!

8. Your significant other blames every emotion on your horomones…a trait only forgivable if he were born after 1975.

9. Grouchy, Bitchy, Dopey — all the dwarfs can strike…do strike BUT you aren’t allowed to strike back.

So, what’s a girl to do?

Talk to girlfriends, misery really does love company. And, though you won’t find relief from the above, it is reassuring to know other women are feeling what you are feeling.

Laugh, laugh a lot, laugh at your significant other, laugh at yourself, giggles have been known to lift a sour mood.

If that fails, buy some K-Y Intrigue, a box of condoms, a man born after 75 and unlock those fantacies. It’s a temporary fix but well worth the effort!

Divorced Women Online Social Network. The new social network for the divorced or divorcing woman. A safe place to ask advice, share war stories and connect with others who have “been there, done that.” JOIN NOW!

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Is It Time to Free YOUR Cougar

Back when I first got separated and started online dating, I was insulted if any younger man called me a COUGAR.  In my mind, ‘cougar’ meant older woman in leopard-skin leotards, teased hair and fake nails that wouldn’t quit.  I might be in my late thirties, but excuse me, I wasn’t desperate, skanky, OR a tacky dresser!

Now two years into my divorce, I must admit the term is growing on me.  In part this stems from me being more confident in my skin - I feel capable, beautiful, and entitled to make my own choices (in the bedroom and in life).  The more I think about the predator I’ve been compared to, the more I see it as a compliment.  After all, she’s sleek, she’s powerful, she can take care of herself and her own needs, and gosh darnit, she purrrrrrs when she wants!

Am I the only woman warming to this nickname?  Apparently not.  This past fall, ABC launched a new television series called Cougar Town that has women pouncing in front of their TVs and absolutely howling.  Starring Courtney Cox as a quirky, 40-year-old, recently-divorced mother, this so-called ‘cougar’ reminds us that not only does life go on after divorce, it’s ESSENTIAL we unpack our sense of humor.  Truly, being single again CAN be landing on another planet – but how long are you going to ‘hide’ or stand there shellshocked?  Maybe it’s time to unleash the cougar in you…and GO EXPLORE!

So turn up your speakers and have a peek at the Cougar Town trailer; I guarantee you’ll find yourself giggling.  Times are ‘a changin ladies…including how some of us feel about the nickname ‘Cougar’!  RAWR!

Delaine - www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

Divorced Women Online Social Network. The new social network for the divorced or divorcing woman. A safe place to ask advice, share war stories and connect with others who have “been there, done that.” JOIN NOW!

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When I first started dating after divorce, I felt like I’d arrived on another planet.  Not just cause I had no idea how to date again, but because it quickly became apparent that a new ‘phenomena’ had come to town since I’d last visited:  Young Men Seeking Older Women.  And oh yeah -  their holsters were full.

If you’re anything like I was back then, you may frown and tsk tsk at the mere thought of dating or even meeting with a younger man.   God knows I had “rules” – and lots of them.  After all, good, decent women of a ‘certain age’ should only good, stable men of a ‘certain age.’  Right? 

But combine hormonal surges with temptations and opportunities (and ok, maybe a couple of drinks), and low and behold my Old Rule Book got rewritten.  Not burnt – just revised, with a special-edition chapter on self-exploration with the Young Man Kind.

So for those you adjusting to singlehood or sitting on the fence of ‘Could I?  Should I?,’ here are a few pointers of wisdom and encouragement from a responsible mom AND Sexual being who belly laughed her way onto the ‘dark side’ a few times…

1)  Don’t act surprised when he shows interest in you!  Whether he’s staring at you in a bar, buying you drinks or emailing you on dating sites, his interest in you, believe it or not, is not unusual or freaky in today’s day in age.  So don’t act all aghast.  He’s serious and he’s playing a card; play it cool.

2)  Don’t think of you as being the only lucky one – HE IS TOO!  Yes, on a superficial level, it might be an ego rub for the older woman, but c’mon, how many younger men only DREAM of being with an older woman?  He not only reeps the rewards of your divine company and intelligent conversation, he gains access to learning new skills in the love-making department.  What young man DOESN’T want that?  Besides, do you remember how immature and fickle you were as a young woman?  Maybe there’s something to him wanting to spend time with an older woman!

3) Own your decision and let your inner vixen shine, stretch marks, c-section scars, cellulite and all.  He’s about to be devoured by an older woman – do you REALLY think he’s caring how your triceps compare to an 18 year old’s?

4)  If you fall into bed right away, don’t be too quick to assume it was a one-nighter only.  If you both really enjoyed it, why not make it ongoing, if not a friends with benefits scenario.  Think of it this way, two weeks after your rendezvous when you’re all worked up again, what sounds more appealing – Pink Bugsy Boy in the drawer or lovely eager flesh and blood young man?

5) Don’t be so quick to judge – you never know how a relationship can evolve or when Cupid might show up.  Sure, lots of younger men may be too immature for serious relationship consideration, but you know what?  Some ARE mature – more so than men YOUR age.  Just keep the ‘Options’ door open, even if just a crack.

6)  Though the age difference might be staggering to you, when you get him back to your place, DON’T offer to make him a snack and treat him like he’s five.:)  He’s not looking at you in a ‘motherly ‘ way, so for gosh sake, don’t act like one!

Delaine – www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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This past Friday night, I found myself wanting to get dressed up and go out, but all of my girlfriends were busy.  I was frustrated; I didn’t want to spend my limited time off without kids watching a movie at home.  But what was the alternative?  Go to a bar lounge by myself?  No way!

I then began wondering how many divorced women find themselves in this situation.  Cause let’s face it – once we hit a certain age, most of our friends are married, have kids and aren’t interested in going out.

Would I ever consider going out by myself?  I asked myself seriously.  Hmmm.  Visions of me sitting awkwardly at a bar sprung to my imagination.  I saw people looking over at me – judging me:  Desperate?  Skank?  Alcoholic?  Depressed?  Overwrought with self-consciousness, I’d play with my cell phone… Suddenly – oh phew!  Someone comes over to talk to me!  And yup – figures.  He’s drunk, homely and overly-convinced I need his company.

With all these questions running through my mind, I decided to ask some girlfriends if they’d ever gone out alone.  Of the seven friends I queried, three said they HAD, in fact, deliberately gone out alone; the rest shared the same paranoid insecurities as me. 

Intrigued, I asked those who had what it was like. Here’s what I got back:

1)      It’s all about attitude and confidence.  If you sit there all awkward, others will pick up on it.  Own it – you’re by yourself.  Who cares?

2)      If you want to meet people, it’s more effective to sit at the bar than a table.

3)      If you’re overly self-conscious, in some cases you might try bringing a laptop or book. 

4)      Men AND women are more inclined to approach you if you’re alone.

5)      If you’re worried about looking like a slut, don’t dress like one.  And smile in a friendly way at women too – you don’t want ‘Cougar On The Prowl’ written all over you.  *grin

I don’t know…my friends make it sound so easy.  But sheesh, it does sound a lot more exciting than alphabetizing the spice rack, don’t you think?

Delaine

www.iamdivorcednotdead.com

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