April in Paris?

Can’t find the green for a trip to the French capitol? I know one sure-fire way to welcome the new season with a smile. A French fashion update!

I was chatting with a friend about that, just last week. She lives the overloaded life of a working mom, and she’s had her fill of sweaters and sludge. She’s worn down by winter, weary of her wardrobe, and wants to perk up her pallor and put a bit of zing into Spring.

“I need help!” she cried, and so here I am, with the French perspective on a fashion and style makeover.

Fashion and Style Sense – Where to begin

Maybe you’d like a total makeover – hair, clothing, cosmetics, and ways to look and feel more relaxed – the works. Who wouldn’t love to jet off to a spa and a stylist, complete with beauty treatments and stylist consultations?

For most of us, that’s not possible. Our daily dance cards are pretty much filled – to overflowing. So for my friend, and so many other harried women, I thought I’d share some easy tips on fashion and style the French way. And easy is key, certainly for my friend, with three rambunctious boys part of the motherly mix. She was happy for any suggestions I could make that were reasonable, so to get the ball rolling, I condensed them into a set of Five Fashion Lessons à la Française.

Fashion Basics and Wardrobe Staples

We started with a discussion of basic styles and wardrobe staples (skirts, tops, sweaters, jackets, pants, and yes – jeans). Of course we included shoes!

We went on to tackle issues of body type and proportion, as well as dressing up and dressing down using many of the same essential pieces.

We chatted about neutrals, and how they allow you to vary your look without spending a fortune. We talked about colors – those that are your favorites, and those that show you in your best light. Of course we dealt with realities: budget, time, job, commute, home life, social life, age of children, and your age. We tossed in a bit of the age old fight – the winter weight gain that most of us endure – those annoying 10 pounds that make us want to steer clear of the mirror, and even the sale racks.

I can’t go into everything we mentioned, but I will say this:  Any woman can feel like a million bucks – or Euros – when you approach fashion the French way.

French Fashionista

As for my credentials?

Mais oui, I love my French Elle Magazine, and of course both American and French Vogue. But it’s more than that. I have lived, studied, worked, dated, and loved in France. And I’ve had the good fortune to spread those séjours across decades – from my teens into my forties, and even… well, we’ll just leave it at that. Yes, I speak French, and I admit that helps, as I’ve had incredible experiences with both French friends and French amoureux, no doubt, part of why I find French men irresistible.

What else?  I’ve always loved fashion, and I learned my best lessons over the years from French women, and their style secrets. In so doing, each time I’ve lived abroad, I’ve managed to fit in, feel  good, and look good doing it.

So what have I learned in all my ventures and adventures, and in my own way – as an American française?

As I said, I have five easy lessons, and I’ll be sharing them in a series – so each gets its appropriate due. To give you a taste of what’s in store, here they are:

• Lesson One:  Find your style
• Lesson Two:  The power of perfume
• Lesson Three:  The scarf, your secret weapon
• Lesson Four:  The signature accessory
• Lesson Five:  The beauty of confidence

Did I whet your womanly whistle?

If this caught your interest, and you’d like to do a little homework in preparation for Lesson One (Find your style), flip through your favorite fashion magazines. Check fashion sites for looks you like. I recommend Spring Ready-to-Wear on Style.com. Plenty to see and ponder there!

Then stay tuned. Consider this the menu for an upcoming five course meal. Each plat, to be enjoyed the French way, by savoring.

Meanwhile, here are a few additional references you may enjoy – but do take everything with a grain of salt. You may not always agree with what each source says is a “must.” And that’s part of finding the balance that is uniquely about you, your lifestyle, and your taste.

• Harpers Bazaar Wardrobe Staples (Ed Note: I agree with some, and disagree with others.)
• Real Simple: Wardrobe Basics Checklist (Ed Note: same as above – but a great start!)

© D A Wolf

These days, Big Little Wolf (”Ms. Big”) reflects on life and her Daily Plate of Crazy, where she writes essays on everything – sometimes serious, sometimes fun – whatever strikes her on a given day as interesting, unusual, entertaining, or of concern.

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At this time of  year, fitness centers typically experience an increase in membership.  If you belong to a club or gym you might find that for the next eight weeks it will be tough to find an open treadmill or elliptical trainer. It seems looking good naked is on everyone’s mind after the holidays.

There is another excellent post over at Big Little Wolf’s Daily Plate of Crazy about physical appearance vs. feeling good. She brings up a number of great talking points on the topic of body image issues, being a slave to the scale and our self-esteem and how it connects to our physical appearance.

We often say that our self concept shouldn’t be based on how we look but, for so many of us, it is.  I maintain that for many of us, how we look matters a great deal because how we care for our bodies is often indicative of deeper feelings we have toward ourselves and our value as individuals.  If we want that to change then how we go about changing our physical appearance is the first step in beginning to care about and for ourselves.

Lose the Scale

Being an ex-competitive swimmer, swim coach and cyclist, and ex-aerobics and fitness trainer, I know how ineffective the scale is and how it can really work against one’s efforts at getting healthy. One’s weight can fluctuate a pound or two every day and even more for some women, depending on the time of the month.  In addition, if you are enslaved to the number on the scale, but you are truly about percent body fat rather than weight you might get to a place in your fitness regimen where you actually begin to gain weight while continuing to lose inches.

Those who absolutely use the scale as the sole measuring device in their quest to look good naked run the risk of ignoring some better health indicators. They can become easily discouraged and frustrated.  This is counterproductive to the person who really has the goal in mind of becoming a healthier, more physically fit individual.

Percent of Body Fat is A Better Indicator of Fitness

I prefer to consider percent body fat or Body Mass Index and inches lost when I work on improving my fitness level (because muscle weighs more than fat and building muscle eats fat).  One can be a size 3 and still be very fat.  I don’t want that for me.  I want the toned look and you can’t get that by merely losing weight on a scale you must transfer fat to muscle somehow.  If you are seriously overweight or out of shape or have never really done any serious training, please do two things:

First, get a physical and a physician’s okay before you begin any exercise program.  Even if you are relatively good health, this is always a smart move.

Second, seriously consider investing in a personal trainer who will meet with you for an hour once ever two weeks for, at least, the first eight weeks of your program.  Even two sessions with a personal trainer can be incredibly valuable in helping you jumpstart your motivation and your journey back to fitness.

Toward A Healthier Lifestyle…A Personal Journey

While I know a great deal about the right things to do and the right ways to think about my body, its appearance and its health, I like many, many others have become negligent over the last decade. Sure there have been periods of good fitness, but I haven’t really stuck with them.  Of course, I have to cut myself some slack.  I’ve endured a pretty volatile decade personally, have been homeless and battled an emotionally abusive ex.  When survival is priority one, looking good naked gets much lower priority.  Even so, I’ve let go of some really great eating habits, stopped the consistent exercise and weight training program I had going and simply shifted my fitness priorities to the bottom of the list.

I don’t look horrible, but I really don’t look my best.  More importantly and more significantly, I don’t feel my best. I find that it is when I don’t feel my best that I am most prone to worrying about my appearance, suffering a loss of confidence and self-esteem and I’m especially prone to really stupid questions like “How hot am I, really?”  I hate being in that place mentally and physically.

Big Little Wolf’s post, my own personal journey to date, and experiences like these are crystallizing for me a sense of direction as I consider my own health and levels of fitness.  Note that I did not say weight loss program.  Because for me, though weight loss will inevitably be an outcome I hope to accomplish,, I am not venturing down this road with that goal in mind. In my post, two days ago, I spoke of moving toward a healthier lifestyle.  It’s true, I want to look good naked because that mirror in my bathroom is not exactly gentle in revealing the truth about my physical appearance, but I most certainly and more importantly want to feel good all of the time, not just naked.

I don’t just want to get smaller, I want to get better.  And better, might not necessarily weigh that much less, but it will look better naked.  It will walk further and faster.  It will not get winded. And, since I am the one looking at myself in the mirror, groaning daily with disappointment in myself about the extra pounds I’ve packed on and the muscle tone I’ve lost, and feeling disappointed with what I see (because the disappointment represents not beauty or lack thereof, but a deeper sense of loss) then looking good naked becomes important to no one…else…but me.  I’m the only one that matters.  It is indeed a deeply personal journey, but one with very visible results.

Getting Comfortable

But there is something even more significant at play here for me.  It is that idea of feeling comfortable in my own skin.  It is that idea that it is what it is and it is the best I can do so who cares what anyone else thinks.  Now, realistically I know, I should feel this way no matter what I weigh or what my muscle tone is, but the reality is, this is not the case for me.  Because the big reality is this, our fitness levels largely determine how we feel inside our own skin.

Our fitness levels often determine whether or not we look and perform at optimum levels.  All of those things conspire to impact our self-image and our confidence in our abilities in other areas. True, self-acceptance no matter what is important.  I’m not suggesting we all have to be stellar examples of fitness and brawn, but when our ability to function at our best each day is implicated, then I suggest that’s the time to really rethink our health and our habits.  Feeling comfortable in our own skin is more about doing the best we can with what we’ve got under the circumstances and I, for one, am not doing the best I can right now.  Not even close.  This bothers me.  It bothers me enough to make a change.  For me, it’s what 2010 is going to be about.

Starting Measurements…The First Steps

So, yes, yesterday, I pulled out the tape measure, hopped on the scale and took the front-back-side before pictures in my bikini.  Not because I intend to obsess over every little thing I eat or don’t eat.  Not because I intend to go on a crash starvation diet or crazy workout plan to burn that fat fast.  I’m smarter than that.  And, though I know my body will quickly respond to increased exercise and improved diet due to its past fitness, the reason I am doing it is not to get skinny…it is to change my lifestyle.

It is to change my thinking.  It is to become comfortable in my own skin. Taking the measurements now, before I’ve really begun will help me gauge my progress and will motivate me to keep going.  It gives me a starting point.

Fitness is About Character Development and Personal Growth

While this is about looking good naked on one level, it is also about so much more than looking good naked because whenever one begins a journey of this nature there are mental challenges that must be faced and obstacles that must be overcome.  I’d like to suggest that the journey toward improved health for me will be less a journey of fitness than a supreme course in character development.

I will need to test my commitment.  I will be forced to persevere.  I will need to focus and stay focused and that, because I am so easily distracted, will be challenge enough. I will need to flex and adapt to a schedule that changes dramatically twice a year while still keeping up my regimen of good eating and daily activity.

I will need to make some hard choices that won’t be pleasant or instantaneously gratifying (like that second glass of wine or that extra helping of pasta or saying no when I’m just not hungry) if I am to move myself into a place that bodes well for the health and longevity of this physical thing I call my body, not to mention the mind and spirit that it contains.  It won’t “feel” good sometimes at first, at others it will feel better than anything.  It will require me to flex my discipline muscles, tone my determination, and exercise my mental fortitude and push my commitment to my own improvement to the limits.

But that’s the cost for every one who would accomplish anything of value.

©The Wild Mind

My blog, Random Musings of the Wild Mind, is my attempt to force myself to overcome the fear of rejection, of criticism, and of being vulnerable and taking risks.  It is my writing practice. It is my writing playground. It is my place where hopefully the world, or even a portion of it, (maybe you?) will hear that life is something to be enjoyed courageously, that mistakes are avenues to growth and are not life threatening and that respect and love are always something worth working toward.

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